Anyone about: need moral(e) support to help me not give up BF...

[MsDrMonkeybird]

So tired... this latest nursing strike has been going on for two weeks now. He hasn't completely given up but it is wearing and I am blubbing on a daily basis.

I really feel, despite my best efforts, those of my DH and various counsellors on the helplines, that this might be the end...

He's only 7.5 months FGS and if he is ill/teething, nothing is currently showing (though he has clearly been ill, is now better)

I've tried EVERYTHING. He's very clever: he knows, having had solid food, cups and bottles, that there are quicker ways of getting food into him. And the more he tries to feed and the letdown doesn't happen, the more frustrated and upset he gets.

I have had some limited success feeding him in his sleep or when very tired, but - on the advice of a LLL woman - we're also abandoning the dummy he's had since 2 months. This is helping in someways (will try to suck when tired) but hindering in others (massive screaming fits which won't be soothed by breast, patting, cuddling, etc only by brisks walks in pushchair - clearly can't keep doing that at 4am)

How long till he gets over his dummy attachment? Will he (and I ) ever get over this?

I have two older children and a working DH so simply cannot give all my time to his needs. Finding time to express is VERY difficult and my supply is dropping (or rather the letdown takes longer and the less I feed, the less 'residual' milk there seems to be to keep him going)

I am thinking about buying a sling to help carry him around near me but he likes to sit and play and in any case he weighs 26lb (I know!) so not sure there is one that will be comfortable.

mostly - and I know this is a bit of a saga - I need to hear encouragement. i really really don't want to stop BF but I don't know how to keep going, it is so emotionally draining.

It's very hard but you might just have to take the hint. My ds gave up feeding at 8 months - he used to blow raspberries on my boobs and bite if I didn't take him off fast enough. I think he just got to the point when there were other more interesting things to be doing.

but apparently it is extremely unusual for babies below one to self-wean... He still needs milk, so why not mine?

please?

bump

anybody?

hello, you sound like you're having a really tough time. xxxxx I'm not an expert, but 7.5mo does sound young to self wean. You could try to have some more skin to skin cuddles and feeds? That helped with my ds.

It must be difficult with 2 other dc as well. Try not to panic and get stressed about the situation. Thinking of you. I'm sure someone who knows a bit more will be along in a mo xxx

Oh I wish I could help with advice. I do know that while dd effectively gave up when she was 13months, after a completely blip-free feeding experience, ds was much harder work in some respects.

He went through real phases of being not keen on feeding. he also had a dummy for sleep. What seemed to work most then was to feed him before I put him down for nap and then before bed. It was a time he was usually very sucky and he liked the comfort and snuggling of it. So I knew that he was getting 2 good feeds a day, on top of the other goes we'd had. This happened when he was about 9 or 10 months though, so at an age when the feeds were decreasing in frequency anyway (all motivated by him). It also helped that in the morning when he woke he was thirsty and so that was another good feed. In the end he also more or less gave up when he was about 12 months.

Sorry cannot be of more help - hope that someone else can give more advice.

MY boys self weaned at about this age
are his back teeth coming through as this can ause them to become reluctant to feed

not sure how much i can help but agree with previous poster that you may just have to take the hint.

or.....have you tried (and i know how tiring this is even only with one lo) expressing at night - hormones are higher then so it may help with the let down?

yes you need tht prolactine to stimulate Supply so a dream feed in the night can be a good idea to up your supply

I think the key to carrying on is to concentrate upon the feeds where you are both most relaxed i.e. early morning, pre-nap and pre-bed if possible.
These are all feeds where you can replace the dummy in terms of comfort. In the night, how often is he waking and does he seem hungry? Because at this age ds was no longer having night feeds, and if I recall correctly dd was not much older. All babies are different though, and I wouldn't suggest that you NOT feed him if he wants a feed, particularly as comforting cuddling really good for stimulating feeds.
So anyway - my point there was that dd and ds both had dummies at night (and during the day, after a feed if they did not settle IYSWIM).
The problem is that it is hard to make a let-down come, and if anything, I found that if I got stressy, ds did too and then would bite rather than latch on well. But we did get through it and in the end carried on until he no longer seemed to need a feed i.e. just would not latch on and would BITE hard, at about 12 months ish.

Sorry - ignore me completely, of course if you are worried about supply, then completely dropping night feeds probably not a good idea. See, I told you I'd be no help at all.

Thanks everyone, lots of different views. I'm still thinking it's pretty young to self-wean fully so I really want to carry on.

Starlight, could you outline a typical routine of feeds/food at that age for your child, please - it might help. Maybe I am expecting too much - just basing it on my previous two kids, who both settled into a typical pattern as follows:

6am BF
8am BF & porridge
sleep
10.30ish BF
11.30-12.30ish lunch
sleep
2-3ish BF
5ish tea
6.30ish BF and sleep

either 11.30 or 3am BF depending on when he woke

but DS3 has been only feeding in the afternoons/evenings, if at all. some days he refuses completely.

I've been weaning onto solids and TBH he seemed to want to move quickly. But the LLL lady said quick weaning was a risk for nursing strikes (I have just about ALL of these risk factors: had an overactive letdown, now it's too slow; teething I think - he doesn't have any yet but a few bumpy gums; stress; shouting (2 older kids); dummy; never been a comfortable feeder - eg he has rarely ever fed to sleep - he tends instead to pull off when he's had enough; been ill lately, etc)

I have gone back to very small amounts of solid food (well puree actually: BLW gone out the window cos I'm worried his fluid intake has been too low), even though I think he'd like to eat more.

And we've just decided to go cold turkey on the dummy since I figured it was cruel to take it off him and have him scream and then give it back to him only to not let him have it again. It's hard work though. Putting him to bed tonight has been marginally easier than last night and he has had some small BFs today, including one side before bed, though once he'd pulled off he wouldn't go near me again... I did lots of rocking etc...

He's just kicked off again now so I'm gonna try another boob... back later

thanks SMc... It does sound like the pattern DS3 was starting to adopt but TBH he's so massive, it just hasn't seemed like enough. And, though I've doubted myself so much over last couple of weeks, I do know when he needs milk: for example he cries and cries and cries and nothing will placate him, and he stretches away from my nipple, but the minute you put a bottle of EBM or formula near him at these times, he glugs it down. He was doing this AND having lots of solid food.

He currently weights about 26lb (he's 7.5 months) and is in 12m+ clothes (they're only a bit too big on him)

Before we started weaning he was increasingly unsatisfied with feeds, cluster feeding 2-3 times at every feeding point IYSWIM.

He just had two little feeds since I put him to be so it seems dropping the solid food intake IS leading to an increase in BF again - a good result tonight.

But I still do not understand why he won;t feed in the mornings.

It's true - I do seem to be able to pump about 120mls in about 5 mins once I get a let down. I know that is not a good guide but...

I think this has been the root of the problem - sometimes he has just wanted to suck, and has always got too much milk, hence the pulling away right from the start. This is why we used a dummy.

We have been giving a bit of water from a doidy cup with lunch and tea but he's not especially interested. Will keep trying.

I suppose the thing that has also been worrying and depressing me was that his refusals were so erratic. It made going out really difficult as I'd be stuck with a thirsty screaming baby and no alternative. I guess I'm gonna have to pack some formula.

Hi. My dd1 def self weaned at 5 months. I got her to drink from a bottle as I was going back to work and I think she just found it easier and wasn't interested in me any more! dd2 shows no signs of self weaning at 12 months! Hope you are feeling more now monkeybird x

My dd was never into milk, mummies or cows

From birth she never stayed on long and decided at 9mths that she did not want any at all, the months leading up to that were very difficult. I had to feed her in a dark room and the slightest noise she would stop.

When she point blank refused, my milk dried up so fast it showed that it must of been reducing for weeks without me noticing. I battled to make her drink formula so had to give lots of cheesy sauces, yogurts etc. Around 13 mths she refused all milk and since then has not drank a drop and only has it in food. She is extremely strong and healthy so she obviously is getting along without it.

Well, maybe a bit more than 5 minutes (see I must be cheering up if I'm back to my old lying exaggerating self...

I can pump a lot quickly though. If only I could get the other two to entertain themselves for 5 minutes between the constant round of food, nappies, sleep and then I might even be able to do so. I'm gonna try at least to do one pumping session each morning if he carries on I think, at least to keep the supply up then for if/when he comes back to it, and if not, well i'll just have a store I can call on then...

This brings back memories. I remember same thing vaguely with DD now 4 - fed till 13 mths but went through a phase like you describe with screaming...try hand expressing milk just a few drops to let letdown happen then attatching once they realise that they've just got to suck a few times again to get their milk they happily let happen.
All the best

Agree with Henrietta, both my DS1 and DS2 were like this at this age, but I fed DS1 till he was 2 ish and DS2 is very happily feeding every 4 hours at 10 months.
Try the hand expressing to stimulate let down and try and feed somewhere peaceful without disctractions if you can.
Some good info here
www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/babyselfwean.html
and
www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/distractible-baby.html

HTH and do persist, babies are funny creatures , but I'm of the opinion that most things are only "stages" which pass in time...