Couldn't breastfeed DS. Any tips for trying again with baby number 2?

[Cakeandcardio]

Sorry it's long! Any help appreciated!

I was unable to bf my son and I'm still not entirely sure why. He was born with forceps and I got a spinal for this (in case c-section was needed). I was very naive. He was handed to me in a blanket and I was wheeled to the ward. When I got there I was told to eat tea and toast and then two auxilliaries came to give me a bef bath. I was shaking with adrenaline and really wanted to do skin to skin but my husband ended up doing it first because of all that was going on with me. I then did skin to skin when they left but I have no idea how much time had passed. Then I was taken to another room and baby was wrapped up again. I did say things to DH like "when will he breastfeed" and "do the midwives help" but I'm wondering now if we missed the chance as we never got the golden hour.
Once I was in my room I can remember doing some skin to skin but I think I also put a babygrow on him. I had no idea what I was meant to be doing. No one mentioned trying to breastfeed and we were clueless!

Anyway, I didn't do much skin to skin through the night and the midwife mentioned it to me the next morning and that I should try and hand express colostrum. She also helped a bit with trying to get DS to latch but he was so lethargic he didn't do anything.
I never saw any colostrum come out when I hand expressed but DS' sugar readings rose - does that mean he got some? Or did he pull from his fat stores?

Two days after birth, I started using a breastpump but nothing came out in the hospital. We got sent home and I kept pumping. About 24 hours later I finally got about 40ml of colostrum. I kind of expressed what I could and bottle fed for the next 10 days and then I really struggled to keep it going. I never got any significant amount of milk and could never give breastmilk only at a feed as my supply wasn't keeping up with DS demand.

So my questions:
Did I have a supply issue or was it the delay / not responding to pumping? Anyone experienced this?

Can anyone give advice on where I went wrong? What could I do differently?

I so want to bf this baby but have lost all confidence. Thank you!

Hi OP, we had similar births and I recently was told that the shaking is actually a reaction to the spinal so speak to your midwife in case you have another spinal.

I also struggled to breast feed but only because it hurt so much. They say it shouldn't but it did for me and it was excruciating so I pumped or used nipple shields.

I'm by no means a professional but from reading your OP it sounds like the issue was not feeding/pumping for two days and then not pumping to get your supply back up? If supply is low you should pump every two hours at night and it brings you right back up after only a day or two.

Having a baby is an absolutely terrifying time so please don't lose confidence or blame yourself for what happened last time. He is happy and healthy right?

Ask for help from the midwife, health visitor or any breast feeding resource in your area.

Well I know nothing about golden hour and did not do skin to skin with my kids ( didn't seem to be a thing then)

I do know however that the milk you can express has no relation to how much the baby can take directly from the breast. They are much more efficient than any pump. So consequently a pump won't be as good long term in keeping up supply. I didn't know all this when having my eldest and felt pushed to giver her bottles so by the time she was a fortnight old my supply was kaput

When I had DD2 she was sleepy and not much interest in feeding for first few days. But just put her to the breast every hour or so ( while I was awake lol) Once she woke up and realized she'd actually been born she then took to it like a duck to water.

I don't remember the midwives at the hospital actually being very helpful with feeding tbh and I'm afraid it's probably not much better now. ( Got 2 year old grandson and they didn't help DD at all) But there are breastfeeding as support groups etc now

Hope it goes well for you

I never developed a supply, and tried absolutely everything — pumped regularly for weeks, supplemental nursing system, advice from HV, midwife, La Leche League, NCT peer support, paid lactation consultant, had blood tests etc. Nothing worked. I just had to come to terms with it.

Some reassurance if I can offer some - I couldn't ever get DS1 to feed properly from me. He was an EMCS at 42+1 and I ended up pumping for him for nine months and topping up with formula.

Ds2 was born two years later and I fed him for three years.

You have to learn, and so do they. Each baby is different and each breastfeeding experience is different.

I’m the same as Four. But sounds like you didn’t have any of that support OP. See what there is around you.

I didn’t breast feed my first, like you lots going on also had forceps and baby was swaddled immediately. DH did skin on skin on skin while I was out of it. I remember the midwife regularly syringing colostrum through the night. I was in for 4 nights, had a staph infection in my breasts so I was paranoid about passing to baby, I’m also large breasts and baby was small so I was terrified I was smothering her. A few other things and in the end I expressed for about 8 weeks but 99% bottle fed. I never got a big supply, always just little bits. One day I almost got 100ml I was ecstatic, then I spilt it 😭

Number 2 was completely different. Fast labour no time for pain relief, baby thrown on my chest straight away, well after some rubbing and sucking to get her breathing, latched on by herself, she just went hunting for the breast, an hour later I had to rip her off and change breast for another half an hour, she’d have stayed on if I let her. Due to this she did 8 shits her first night. Completely different experiences with each child.

Number 3 was also different for different reasons.

Be firm in what you want. Run through scenarios with your husband in what is to happen, he will be your biggest voice when you can’t be. My DH is a quiet bystander, dosnt speak up but he did when I was in labour, struggled the first time as he was scared but with 2 & 3 he spoke up when he needed to.

Edited - I should add, I had a lactation consultant on tap for four days and after I left the hospital for my first. It did not change a thing.i also had the Ferrari of breast pumps, again did not change a thing. Sometimes it just dosnt happen. I personally think stressing about it makes it far worse.

Thanks all! I really appreciate all of the advice 💗