Latch issues - feeling hopeless

[FrustratedMilkMachine]

First time posting but I’m at my wits end!!! Sorry this is a long one - I’m rambling a bit - and still don’t feel like I’ve mentioned everything.

DS2 will be one month on Thurs and we’ve been EBF since birth. His latch has been terrible the whole time which is causing him the worst trapped wind, he’s uncomfortable and screaming all the time. It also causes feeds to go on forever, which isn’t really feasible with a 2 yo running around as well. Tried infacol for a few days for the wind, seemed to make it worse so stopped. Had tongue tie diagnosed and snipped at 2 weeks, still seeing no improvement. I’ve visited the infant feeding support clinic who’ve essentially said I’m doing everything right and he just needs to learn to use his new functioning tongue - but we’re getting nowhere.

I’ve done every technique I know - mainly breast sandwich/flipple. Can’t get on with laid back feeding at all, ds just bobs around screaming, can’t find my nipple, after some awkward guiding from me, he seems to wonder why the milk flow has slowed and unlatches straight away - cue more screams. I will say I have a v good supply, and fast let down which I think is the reason he’s gaining weight as well as he is??? I dunno I’m no expert.

I’ve had around 3-4 hrs sleep along with a ridiculous bout of tears every night since his birth. Today was the worst where I started crying at around 4pm (had to put ds1 in his room to play alone until dp came home) and it just hasn’t really stopped (pathetic eh). DP doesn’t really understand and whilst is so so supportive and helpful physically/asking to take the baby/ taking over looking after ds1, his emotional support feels way off and we just end up butting heads when I get upset. His latest resolution is “looks like it’s just not gonna work and we’ll have to just do bottles” - which is not what a woman trying to breastfeed her baby wants to hear, am I right?!!

I BF DS1 for 15 months through prem birth, not starting bf until 2 weeks as he was tube fed and had a teeny tiny mouth, 13 weeks of undiagnosed tongue tie, horrific pain (way worse than with DS2), the list goes on, so why the hell can’t i do it this time?

im not sure what i want to get from posting this, just somewhere to vent I guess and look for some solidarity maybe? further suggestions on how the hell to improve his latch - although I feel like I’m doing everything I possibly can at this point. Would I be a better mum (for both my babies) if I just give up and FF??

Big un-mumsnetty hug.

It took just over 2 weeks for my Newborn to get latched after his tongue tie - almost like flipping a switch - so he might still be healing?

I totally get how frustrating and upsetting it is. Sounds like your OH is trying to find solutions so you feel better, and just not recognising the moral support you need in the meantime.

I absolutely couldn't get on with laidback feeding, only just trying it again now at nearly 3 months. I found rugby the best, with pillow support. Have you got a good nursing pillow?

I totally recognise the flailing around the nipple! In the early days I had to hold my baby onto the breast for 10 seconds (too of neck not back of head) otherwise he sort of slid off.

I could have written your post. I remember crying because everyone recommended laid back breastfeeding and like you, LO just bobbed around crying, it just didn’t work at all.

Tried everything, flipple, burger it was just so painful and I was dreading every feed.

We also had tongue tie and it took about about 2 weeks to get better post snip. (Alongside her growing). It became ‘easy’ when she was about 10 weeks old.

If you can, hang in there for a couple more weeks, as we’re out the other side and it’s like breastfeeding is supposed to be - I can see myself doing it for a year now, whereas before I was about to quit each day.

But, if it’s not working, switch to formula. I get it - I was really really disappointed at the idea. I was frustrated and crying because I desperately wanted to breastfeed, and I thought I couldn’t. so it’s ok to ‘grieve’. Give it a couple of weeks, give yourself permission to be sad / angry about it, then move to formula. Once you’ve done it it’ll be like a weight lifted, no more dreading feeds.

Are you sure this is a latch issue? If he is fighting the breast, uncomfortable and screaming all the time, it sounds like silent reflux, possibly due to dairy? Have you tried going strictly dairy and soy free for a week to see if there is any improvement?

Persevere. That’s the only advice I have. I had totally different experiences with BF my two. DS1 took ages, about 4 months, to suss it (problem latch, bleeding nips, tongue tie).

Your DP sounds like mine: always looking for a solution even though you just want an ear and it’s not the answer you want.

Have you tried feeding lying down? (Not laid back). That was the only position I could feed DS1 in at first. Sometimes I’d also have a snooze which helped the sleep deprivation!

There’s no shame in switching to bottles with either formula or expressed milk. My sister resented feeding her LO and everyone was much happier when she stopped.

Thank you guys for the responses!! Nice to not feel totally alone in it 😅

Deep down, I absolutely know there’s no shame in switching, no shade there at all. When I was pregnant, both times, I said I’d be super chill, if breastfeeding works amazing, if it doesn’t, no problem. It wasn’t until they’re both born, I felt/feel this ridiculous need to breastfeed.

I will try to persevere for sure esp as some of you have said it took a few weeks following the tongue tie fix to settle. Just when you’re in the thick of it (at 4am) it doesn’t feel possible.

@renthead i know it’s at least partially a latch issue as 90% of the time, I can pull him straight off/there’s no suction onto my boob and even when he does latch at all, it’s quite shallow (clamped nipples after a feed). I have considered reflux - as he throws up quite often, along with general random gagging and like he’s a horrible taste in his mouth. Hadn’t thought of it being down to dairy or anything tho!

@PurBal tried lying down - to help with sleep deprivation mainly - but he doesn’t seem to be able to get on without any manipulation from my hand which is quite difficult laid down.

I’m going to try getting back to the bf clinic today (if I can offload my eldest with a grandparent!) and hopefully will see some progress soon.

Do you have oversupply? That also sounds like a possible root cause or at least a contributory factor.

Are you able to see an IBCLC privately? That would be my suggestion if it's an option, as it seems like you've been really thorough and exhausted all other options!

I could have written your post OP. No ideas or suggestions I’m afraid, but following for ideas!

I am currently debating getting a minor tongue tie snipped. I wasn’t going to as i was showing a new position (jockey position) which was working well for the last week but he seems to have grown and now seems too long for it to work! Coupled with a couple of days of cluster feeding and my nipples are back to being really painful ☹️

I am also investigating cranial osteopathy as I’ve heard good things about that.

Ps did they give you any recovery exercises to do post tongue-tie to help baby practise?