Am I doing breastfeeding "wrong"?

[Invisibledawn45]

I have a 6mo, EBF and won't take dummies. He's putting on weight and happy etc. but wakes every hour in the night for comfort. He also only feeds in the day while napping/asleep so I have to hold him for 3+ hours a day.

It's obviously exhausting but I'm more concerned I'm actually doing it completely wrong. I don't know any other babies who won't feed when awake, who's mum's hold them for every nap and who can't settle or be calmed without the boob.

I've read about teaching self-soothing etc but it seems impossible, he won't even suck his hands for comfort it's always the boob, whether awake or asleep.

I thought it was a phase but he's coming up to 6months old and I really feel I've done something wrong or haven't taught him to be away from me for even a little while.

Any advice? Are some babies just like this?

Hi, I'm so sorry your struggling with this. It can be such an exhausting labour of love. Its all normal im afraid.

Have you started weaning yet?

My boy was stuck to me, actually still is. A wee velcro baby, close to mum and loving the cuddles, comfort and safety of the boob. You're doing amazing being responsive and there is no wrong way to breastfeed.

You also can't teach then to 'self soothe'. That is completely developmental. Amd my 2 year old can only do it sometimes, even still.

How are you now?

Sounds like my son at that age. He's 2 and 2 months now, still breastfeeds. As they grow, they naturally want it less. My son has been away from me 9 hours in a day (not everyday, as I work PT) since he turned a year. Was no trouble even though he'd never taken a bottle, or dummy! He has still not learnt to self settle/soothe, so still wakes at night for a short breastfeed (less than 5 mins). This is lessening. It's usually 2-4 times a night. I started co-sleeping when he was newborn because it was just easier for me! Even now, my son has a 45 min nap in buggy, then cries, so we finish the nap for another hour in bed on the boob.

Sounds within the realms of normal when compared to what mine was like. She contact napped after being fed to sleep until I went back to work at 11 months and then every chance she got when I was at home too. Have you tried feeding in a sling/carrier? I never got the hang of it and just binge watched various TV programmes whilst she was napping but I saw a lady walking round a supermarket feeding her little one in a sling and was in awe!

With the night wakes I found it went in waves, we co-sleep but she would go through phases of still fully waking to feed back to sleep every hour or so. I finally caved at just over 2 and partly night weaned her which helped a lot but don't think she would have coped if I'd tried it much younger than that as we had lots of chats about what was going to happen.

Sounds normal to me. Some babies are like that. I have had one contact napper and one who was happy to sleep in the cot. Try to meet some EBF mums for solidarity. Try La Leche League.

Everything sounds normal except the only doing it when asleep.

that could easily have been something you inadvertently trained into them and is now a habit.

if you are concerned a lactation consultant is prob a good idea.

My 3 year old was the same at that age, including frequent wakes. There is a whole commerical formula milk and sleep consultant industry spending £££ on advertising, PR and generally influencing popular societal beliefs to make you feel like you're doing it wrong. Some babies are just like this, my son was, he took a while to grow out of it, but he did, by himself, without intervention, without tears and distress, and without issues, in his own time. The first 1001 days are so important for infants, and forcing independence before they're ready isn't the right parenting direction for all mothers, so no, you're not doing it wrong.

My kids never napped anywhere other than on me (or in the car I suppose!). They fed to sleep and breastfed for comfort - in fact it was always the first thing I offered when they were upset.

Sounds completely normal but doesn't mean it isn't hard.

Like other have said, all sounds normal apart from the only feeding when asleep part. Does he cry for a feed and then as soon as you feed him falls asleep? Would he take it any earlier?
I don't know if it helps but my sone would wake up to 17 times a night even though he had a dummy as he just wanted the breast. This went on for 18 months. When you're that exhausted it feels to hard to anything to tackle it.

Sounds normal (and definitely hard). I found things started to get a bit easier around 10 months in terms of nighttime sleep and breastfeeding. I nightweaned 20 months and he's slept through the night every night since! It is so tough but it doesn't last forever

Thank you all so much for the kind words and for making me feel it isn't just me/that this is normal, I think that's what I needed to keep pushing through BF-ing.

It probably is my fault he doesn't feed when awake, he just gets distracted by the surroundings and pushes off me so I don't offer him feeds awake often enough especially as he naps every 2-3 hours and feeds then.

Very reassuring to hear it will ease. I will try to relax and enjoy the baby cuddles from here on out.

And @Arcati85 thank you for finding my post - when noone responded I initially I was worried I really was alone but I can see now that's not the case :)

No worries I am glad its helped.

Re:feeding to sleep. Totally normal and my boy always took the biggest feeds before naps and bed time. It's biologically normal. You're amazing and doing all the right things. If it feels right for you, and normal for you, that's what matters x