Sleep and breastfeeding

[LeMoax]

DS is nearly 6 months, exclusively breastfed, and doesn’t sleep much.
He goes down at 7pm, will then wake at 11pm, probably again at 2am and then at 4am for feeds. Sometimes will only wake twice. Never had a stretch longer than 5 hours and that is rare to get that.

Im just on my way back from baby sensory class where it seems everyone else’s baby sleeps in a good 6-8 hour chunk. I know one of them is formula fed but don’t know about the rest and feel I can’t really ask without it appearing judgy.

What am I doing wrong?

You’re not doing anything “wrong” but he’s at an age where he doesn’t need to be fed that much overnight

What to do: when he wakes in the night, send dad in to resettle him. If that gets you 10/20/30 mins, then he wakes up, get dad to resettle again. If he can’t, you can go in and feed him. The idea is that you stretch him a bit more each time.

The reason why he wakes more frequently as the night goes on is because he’s less sleepy, having had his bigger / deeper chunk of sleep at the start of the night. So the best time for you to get that long stretch is at the start of the night.

I’d pick a time - let’s say 5 hours, and agree that dad will settle him if he wakes in that first 5 hours. Then otherwise you can feed him. Then in 2 weeks time - stretch it to 5.5 hours, then another 2 weeks - stretch it to 6 hours etc.

Thank you that is helpful. How much should he be feeding at night nowadays? Sorry I’m clueless.

My husband travels internationally a lot for work. Would it work if I tried to resettle him in the manner you suggest or because of the smell of milk on me does it need to be my husband?

thanks for your help

at 6 months, babies can technically go all night (ie 10 hours or so) without a feed, but mine still needed a dream feed to about 9 months

it’s better if someone else can settle him as he’ll smell your milk / think mummy = milk but you can try other things - shush and pat him, stroke his back, sing gently to him etc.

the other thing you can try - I would give a dream feed when I went to bed at 10pm. You can pick him up, feed him when asleep, pop him down. So then you know he can go 5 hours after 10pm, decide you’ll only feed him from 3am.

you will get a bit of crying, but he should learn soon enough that nighttime = sleep time!

Personally I feed in the night if they want feeding. My dd is 15 months and still wakes 2/3 times a night for a feed. Sending dh in here just makes her more upset and then it takes longer for her to go back to sleep than if I’d just gone in and given her a quick feed back to sleep. So do what works for you, not what society says you ‘should’ be doing. It’s biologically normal for babies to wake in the night.

My 6month old wakes every hour so you're doing better than me 😵
He did a 5 hour stretch maybe once or twice, but it's all downhill at the moment. We are starting with a sleep consultant.
Mine is breastfed as well, same as my daughter who was also a terrible sleeper. I do feel like the babies I know who slept better were formula fed but it's anecdotal and the experts say it doesn't make any difference.

In summary you're not doing anything wrong, babies all do and need different things.

I feed to sleep as well I think that is part of the issue. Should I curb feed to sleep first or the frequent wakings first?

Bumping for night crowd

Have you considered co-sleeping? You are doing really well by responsively feeding and giving comfort, co-sleeping means you can stay in an almost asleep state and both nod off again quickly.

If you wake up in the night and you’re thirsty do you ignore your thirst and go back to sleep or do you have a drink? It’s no different for babies/children. My 2 and a half year old still wakes up and breastfeeds a couple of times a night. It’s completely normal 😊

Very very normal for a 6 month old to wake overnight for feeds.

I came to suggest this too. Mine is 10m and wakes 3 or 4 times after their bedtime. I just drag them into bed and feed lying down. Baby usually stays latched for at least an hour and then unlatching is enough to stir me, so that's when I plop baby back in their own cot until the next wake.

If you're happy feeding to sleep still, if continue.

My 3yo hasn't slept in bed with me since they were about 2, I miss it. They're only this small once and that's now. It won't always be this way.

You’re not doing anything wrong.

I exclusively breastfed my kids. I fed them on demand and this was always more than other mums I knew - so long as you’re happy and coping, don’t even question it! Like you, I also fed to sleep - but in my experience this happens less as they get older, say 12m+, when they feed and then also want a cuddle! I kept going with breastfeeding as long as they wanted. It felt right for all of us.

My youngest is nearly 2. She goes to sleep 8.30/9 and commonly wakes briefly at 2 and 5 ish. Gets up for good around 7.30. She did used to wake more often, especially if unwell, and I never thought twice about allowing her milk- such a calm, gentle way to nod back off. We cosleep to make this less punishing on me - I highly recommend it. You will find it much easier to settle your baby and to fall back asleep yourself. It’s also lovely and short lived!

My son was the same as her. He was weaned around 2.5 years old as much less interested by then and I was pregnant again. He is now 4 and a fairly good sleeper. Bed (asleep) around 9, up at 7.30. Only wakes once or twice a week for random things. But he does love to sleep in the same room on an air bed even now instead of his own if I let him!

The phase you’re in is so hard, but as you can see, it comes to an end. Keep going! It sounds like you’re doing very well. Only change if you think this is something YOU need. What other people do and think is irrelevant- they and their kids are different.

I am in a similar position. I feed to sleep and she is regularly waking every hour or so for a very short feed. She has gone 5/6 hours sleeping some nights, but I don’t know how to make it more regular.

I don’t want to cosleep.