Switching to formula guilt

[Nix99]

For a few different reasons we have decided to switch our 3 month old from EBF to to formula (a mixture of issues for him not enjoying breastfeeding/ struggling with it and preferring the bottle and my mental health taking a tumble because bf is just such an ordeal now and I'm sure DS cannot be getting what he needs from me) So the decision has been made that that's what we need/ want to do but I just feel riddled with guilt. I fed DD for a year (intention was 6 months but she was a bottle refuser) and 6 months was the intention as well for DS but its just not meant to be. I don't really know what my point is to this post but I guess I just need a bit of reassurance that it's OK to switch to formula and I don't need to feel guilty. Logically, i know this is the case but since making the decision, although I've felt relived and DS is feeding much better, I've been in tears because I feel I've failed him where I did better with his sister.

You haven't failed him at all!
There is a huge hormone drop when you stop bf so if you were already having a bit of a tough time then your emotions are going to be compounded ten fold with the hormone drop.

Keep an eye on your boobs, hand express or pump if needs be but honestly if it takes pressure off and he's getting on better then that's the main thing.

Speak to your HV or GP if your struggling MH wise it can really help.

Thank you so much. I'm currently waiting for an appointment with GP for MH but unfortunately its a 3 week wait for a telephone consultation atm but at least things are in motion.
If it was just for me I think I would have battled through and tried to carry on breastfeeding but because its been making DS unsettled etc then I just think this is definitely our best option. He's such a happy smiley little boy the rest of the time apart from when we were breastfeeding and I just want what's best for him.

Now that my DD is 22 months old I am looking back and I wish I had made things so much easier for both of us by not feeling so stressed about so many things including giving formula. I was so insistent on breastfeeding as the best thing for her that I couldn't make myself give formula until she was older and drinking cow's milk.
When that quilt hits can you direct your thinking towards something else?

You've found a solution to making sure your baby is fed, which is the best thing for your baby.
I used a combination of formula and breastfeeding when DC was little, as that worked best for me.

As @Scottishskifun said, make sure you are kind to yourself, and do what has to be done. It sounds as though you have all the necessary steps laid out.

I'm a firm believer in you know your family best and the right thing is what works for your family. You don't have to justify any reason to anyone @Nix99 it's what works for your family.
It's so tough having a newborn and chasing an older sibling, there's no let up etc. Don't feel guilty in doing what works best for yours.

I bf both DSs but only because DS1 formula turned him into a screaming monster and DS2 refused every bottle on the planet! So I BF as it is what suited my personal situation.

Glad your seeking support from the GP. Also check out baby groups, nct groups etc it's all about support andknowingyouf not alone. One of the best groups I went to was a local church they gave me coffee, cake and happily distracted DS2 for 5 minutes.

I remember this feeling. I had to stop bf at 3 months as I caught an infection and was told it would affect baby so had to stop. When I went back she just didn’t latch on properly. I also had very poor bf support and she never latched on well.

I did feel awful because DD had a sensitive stomach and formula didn’t help but she was also a hungry baby and I wasn’t producing enough.

I’m sure you have your reasons, I’m sharing mine and sometimes we have to make these decisions. We are so lucky to have these options.

And honestly once they start weaning and are solids (for the rest of their lives) we will barely think about bf v formula - it’s such a small part of their lives.

You most certainly haven’t failed him - you’ve done a great job of recognising you both needed a change of method and you’ve done that.

Carrying on with breast feeding when it isn’t working for either you would be crazy. Formula was invented for a reason and for many babies it’s the best thing.

Do bug your GP and draw in support. Be careful of who you talk to about feeding methods as many people are just silly about BF as you know. Protect yourself and be kind to yourself.