Having DD has made me feel v guilty about DS...

[ibblewob]

I know when you become a mum you sign up for a lifetime of worry and guilt, but this one was a bit of a suprise!

I found feeding DS (now 2.5) a bit of a nightmare - I was so keen to get him onto a routine as I was sure I wouldn't be able to cope if I didn't know what was coming next. He always seemed quite fussy and upset at the breast and didn't gain weight very well. I put it down to a dairy allergy which we found out about when he was 6 months.

I have such a different attitude with DD (2 weeks)- I now have the confidence to feed on demand, whenever she seems to want it, but it's made me re-evaluate how I fed DS and I feel terrible to think that sometimes he might have been crying from hunger but I didn't want to feed him as it hadn't been x hours or whatever, or that fussiness and weight gain might have been to do with trying to force a routine on him rather than the allergy (or at least it wouldn't have helped!).

I know on demand is a nightmare for some people, and a routine works brilliantly for some as well, but from my experience I just can't believe I put myself through all that stress - I remember really panicking if DS woke early from his nap, as he wasn't supposed to need a feed yet. Now with DD I'm not watching the clock at all, so whatever she does is fine.

Of course DS is doing fine and is an amazing little boy, but I just wanted to get this out of my system as I had no idea I would feel like this!

Don't we all feck up bigtime with the first one? I know I did! And I used to always have the baby monitor turned up very loud in case he stopped breathing! And I sterilised EVERYTHING! If there was such a thing as a boob-steriliser I'd have bought it!
With ds2 and ds3 I didn't have a baby monitor and hardly sterilised anything! Am expecting no.4 and expect that this one will be totally neglected!

Ah bless you Ibble. We all do the best we can with the knowledge we have available to us at the time.
It really won't have made any difference to yuor baby.
Make peace with yourself and get on with enjoying your baby.

...don't worry, my friend has 4 and she went through this 3 times (and I went through it by proxy obviously). Completely normal.
Experience will change how you approach things, it's natural.

Thank you

I know it's silly to feel bad, DH gets very cross at me in 'fretful mother mode' - this time round he has banned the word 'centile' from our house!

Tell hi he is a sensible man.

ibblewob,
I am so with you on this, DS1 was a nightmare to get going with breastfeeding, I have horrid memories of the first 10 days of his life, all stress and worry, we didn't follow a strict routine but we weren't overly cuddly and definatly didn't demand feed. He only started wanting cuddles when he was about 2 years old, he never wanted physical affection he was very serious and disn't smile much... I didn't think much of it.
DS2 was born, I fell in love, I demand fed, I ignored the people who told me not to fuss over him. He is soo cuddly, he likes nothing more than snuggling in the morning. he smiles so much.... Sadly for a few weeks... I managed to convince myself that the main reason for these personality differences were the start they had.. those first few weeks of getting to know each other.

I know it is nonsense.. but in the depth of the night when DS1 is having a nightmare and won't be cuddled for comfort it is hard to think rationally.

You sound like you are doing a sterling job with both of them and you have alot of years of being their Mummy, I am sure the challenges we will face in the next few years will provide more no win solutions.. (I have had a sneaky peek on the teenager threads and run away in horror!)

Tell your dh from me that he is a Very Wise Man. The word "centile" should be banned from all houses!