Demand feeding past a year old?

[Whitty]

Hi, I have an 11 month old, who, yes, is still breastfed. He has many bf's through the day and also at night rolled eyes!

It seems lately that he has started to have a lot more feeds, he can feed 3 or 4 times within 20/30 mins or so, so if I'm out and about its a bit, well not necessarily awkward, but kind of, pop it out, then in, and ooh, out again, and in etc.....I was at my Mums today and baby just couldn't make up his mind, so it was a bit awkward. (Not due to feeding in front of her or anything, just like lunch was ready, then my 3 year old needed me....etc) He was far easier to feed when he was tiny!

He always wants to feed more when we go to places we don't visit that often and also new places, like he needs the comfort or something.

I just wondered if the majority of bf'ers still demand feed past a year old, or cut it down slightly, and if so, how did you do it? He signs for milk so I don't feel its fair to refuse. He loves his boob, and if I have to do something else sometimes after he has signed, before I feed him, he throws his arms about!!!! He won't wait and can't see him stopping anytime soon, so I think I will be ready to stop before him

I have a friend who stopped through the night and daytime feeds at 12 months, and just fed first thing in morning and bedtime, from then to 24 months, and a lot of posts I read from mums feeding older babies say they are on only a few feeds a day or just bedtime etc. Just wondered what peoples thoughts were on this?
Have any of you fed on demand past 12 months, and if not how did you stop them? Sorry if this is a bit jumbled, its how I feel at the mo!
(I fed ds1 till 8 months, so this is new to me.)
Thanks mners
x

Interesting about the separation anxiety thing - my DS finishes his feed, crawls off, then comes back, pull himself up and has a quick suck and then goes away quite happily. He never used to do that and I did think this was his way of reassuring himself that he could change his mind about having finished if he wanted to

My ds is 18m and I'm currently offering snacks first when he asks for milk. I think they do go through phases of needing you more, both for comfort and to touch base. For me I am trying to increase his interest in food since he really doesn't eat much, but I have no intention of giving up bf just yet. Under 2 still feels very young to me.

Whitty he sounds a bit like I did 4 years ago LOL....I went to an La Leche League meeting whilst pregnant with DS & saw a few toddlers & a couple of pre-schoolers breastfeeding & came home thinking that was very wierd looking & I would never do that! I didn't have any real idea when or how breastfeeding was "meant" to stop....just that it didn't seem right to breastfeed anything other than a baby....and here I am breastfeeding a 3.5yr old boy & being quite happy for him to feed for as long as he wants to!

Is your DH interested in finding out about feeding older children? Would he read books or websites about it if you suggested them or put them in front of him? To me it sounds like he just doesn't know it's preferable to feed a child for a minimum of 2 years & biologically normal to carry on for a number of years beyond that. DH & I have learnt together over the last 4 years because everything I've learnt I've told him. Even if he was trying not to listen to me I think it's sunk in to his subconscious .

It's very easy to think it might be odd to breastfeed an older child, but they don't suddenly change from a baby overnight. It's a very gradual process - yes you do stop & think occasionally about how big he's gotten or how much he talks now...but that doesn't necessarily mean the breaastfeeding relationship has to stop - it just changes to adapt along with everything else.

I bf my 20 mo twice a day, before his nap and at bedtime. The only time I would bf him otherwise would be if he was badly hurt or scared. He never usually asks for bfing though except when we're in bed - so he obviously associates the bed with bfing. Tbh, if he was demanding it all the time when we were out, at this age, I would probably wean him because I am not comfortable feeding him in public. He is huge and I am tiny, and I just think it does look odd. I agree, though, that a toddler is not that different from a baby - if they need comfort why shouldn't they get it?

I stopped doing night feeds at about 11 months but it was a rather drastic process and I don't know if I would recommend it. We were cosleeping and ds was waking every 40 min before I went to bed and then every couple of hours through the night wanting to be fed. So I tried to stop the cosleeping. I put him in his cot and when he cried (which was every 40 min, all night the first night, and then every 2 hours the next few nights) I would go sit with him, hold his hand and play some music. This seemed to calm him down and he hardly cried at all. So, it was relatively painless for him but I turned into a zombie after a few nights and gave up and took him back to bed with me. Ever since then we have coslept and he has never needed a night feed again. He still disturbs me a bit, but not nearly as much. He just likes to hang on to my hair for comfort at night now, rather than my breast.

I bf my 3 dcs on demand for the whole time that I bf (18 months each child). It wasn't a concious decision I just went with it really. Never had the heart to say no! I can't say it's made them snacy eaters either. They all have their meals at 'normal' times now. They are now 8, 6 and 3.

I think whatever works for you and your baby. There is no right or wrong.

I BF Ds for nearly 18 months, but after about 8 months I stopped in the night and moved him to his room (he was feeding and waking constantly in night and I was exhausted). From then on it was morning, evening and 2 feeds in the day, but down to 1 day feed at about 10/11 months. Water in beaker the rest of the time. Sometime between then and stopping I also cut out the day feed. Only stopped the morning feed (cows milk in beaker instead) about a week or so before finishing bf altogether. If he was ill or anything though the feeding would usually increase, especially if off his food.

I thought I would do the same with DD, and did move her into her room and stop night feeds at about 10/11 months (again, had escalated into constant night feeding and I was tired). She carried on demand feeding though and was having about 6 feeds a day. Just seemed to suit her more to do things this way and also she wouldn't drink water so I had to really! At 12 months I stopped her day feeds and gave her cows milk. Stopped breast feeding at about 14 months and she had no problem with switching to cows milk and now loves water too. By then she seemed to have almost self weaned and had no problems with stopping and never demanded a feed in any way (even though she is otherwise a very demanding baby!)

I'm still feeding dd (20months) on demand. We were very lucky and from around 3 months she slept through the night (without any intervention from us) and was in with us until 8months (have always fed her if she woke) so night feeds weren't much of an issue.

Until recently she fed far more frequently than anyone else i know, but in the last month or so it has gone to first thing, last thing and once or twice in the day for a nap (unless she is ill/hurt).

But last week on holiday there were days where it was just first and last thing as she was so busy!

I never ever imagined feeding her this long (especially as i have no plans to stop yet) as she still loves it and it is doing us both good. I always thought how odd it was to feed an older child-but to me she is still a baby and as long as she demands it i'll do it (within reason-not sure how i'll feel in 2years time !)

Anyway to answer the post i found she fed less naturally in her own time and feeds far far more when we are just at home on our own-she never asks for it if we are out (unless very sleepy or hurt)

I am still demand feeding my just-turned-one-today DS, and sometimes it does feel like he's feeding like a newborn. He's just learned the sign for milk so I feel that it's particularly important to give him what he's asking for, now that he's learned to ask for it.

It's comforting to know that I am not the only one who's still demand feeding throughout the night...

My ds2 is 14 months and still fed on demand. He feeds a lot at night and during the day still. He will feed less when we are out though, I think he gets very distracted by everything around him.

He also signs for milk. I don't see any problems with continuing to demand feed as long as you're happy to do so.

ds2 is 11 months and because I'm back at work he only has a morning and evening feed - and doesn't ask for it at other times now even when I am around. I wouldn't say he was demand fed, because it wasn't all his choice, but he would only be feeding three times a day, I think, even if I hadn't had to go back to work as that's what he had settled into before. So he's cut down a lot by himself since he discovered food...
It is interesting to read the posts on here because I don't think (I could be wrong) that I've used bfing as a comfort thing since they were tiny - say, having their vaccines. I'm not saying that bedtime feed isn't comforting for ds, I'm just saying ds wouldn't expect/demand a feed if he say, banged his head and wasn't otherwise hungry. He's too busy to stop and feed unless hungry/thirsty!
hope you continue to enjoy bfing

My 20 mth old decided he preferred solids to breast milk at around 7 or 8 mths. He still has a morning breast feed, but that's the only one he's interested in. He never comes looking for it or lifts my top

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Still bf ds2, 21m.
Daytimes are fine, 2 or 3 feeds, but nights are ridiculous.
We co-sleep, and he feeds for what seems like hours and hours which I could happily cope with if he didn't fiddle.
He's far more interested in my breasts than my other two dcs were and most of the time i think it's lovely, but at 3 in the morning when he's swapping from one to the other and his hand is determined to seek out the "free" nipple i do tend to think "oh bugger this for a lark..."

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I fed on demand for about 20 months or so and then I used distraction when we were out and about, particularly if dd2 was doing that bobbing on for 3 sucks and then bobbing off again. I think you can tell when they really need it (upset or very tired) and respond to that but also put them off until your feel more comfortable/private. I demand fed at night right until the end really - though she had more or less stopped waking in the night by 2 yrs.

Hi Whitty,

I haven't read all the thread as I should be in bed but same as you I bfed DD1 for 8 months and am still bfing DD2 (she's 2 on Sat).

At about a year old I decided that I didn't want to feed her in the night anymore so DP got up and settled her for a week and then we just started ignoring her grumbles. She then slept through - if she is poorly/teething I can feed her in the night with no bad habits creeping in!

Daytime feeds were still on demand but at some point i decided to only feed her morning (love that feed in bed) and at bedtime (unless I am not at home and she just has cow's milk and doesn't bat an eyelid). As they said on Grange Hill...'Just Say No'.

I didn't mean to infer that demand feeding is in any way wrong BTW - just that you can be in charge and bfeed when you want to (and more importantly, when you don't).

I am trying to reduce the bfing frequency of my 13mo DD as well. Sometimes it's only 3 times for up to 45 minutes per session, but can be 3 times nightly and several times in the day too. She is a good eater and on the 91st percentile in weight. She has always bfed herself to sleep, as initially I did it for the easy life and now can't "break my own bad habit" (HV comment). We now co-sleep after the early hours session. I find she will accept water from a beaker and can doze, but normally fidgets so much, that it's easier to give in and feed her myself, to get proper sleep. My DH is very supportive and thinks this situation is completely normal. However I do wonder if I will still be bfeeding her when she leaves for university, and whether she will get any siblings, as everything is so focused on her needs. No advice, just sympathy.

very interesting thread. had never occurred to me that there was anything other than demand feeding but now coming up to 11 months dd is feeding more than ever at night (comfort for teeth i think) and i would really like to get going with trying for number two, so would like to accelerate the weaning process but reckon dd's got other ideas!

I'm still happily demand feeding my DS (20 mo), but as we'd like another, wondered how it works when (if!) you have another child. Does feeding the older child affect the type of milk the new baby gets/needs?

Yes, I experienced that feeding more than ever in the night scenario. I think this was the trigger to stopping the night feeds. It was hard for both me and DP as he had to get up and I had to listen to DD2 cry and know that a boob would stop her instantly. However it only lasted a week and then my nights were so much better....we aren't trying for number 3 but at least we have the option and the energy for a bit of nooky if we like.

Minnie,

do a search on 'tandem feeding' and have a look on kellymom site too....lots of info on this but won't be a prob for me as NO MORE BABIES!!!!

My baby just over one year now and felt really drained by the waking up every two hours to breastfeed him. Decided that I had to stop night feeds, cuddled him instead and gave him some water (he won't take bottle milk). But it seems to have made him more demanding around my boobs and, dare I say it, really upset that they are there but not servicing him every time he wants! I find his reaction really distressing as he gets sooo upset. But also determined not to give in as I just couldn't keep going through nights anymore.

Am hoping that he eventually gets the message and sleeps though! Of course, you always want to do the best for your baby, but I am worried now that perhaps I should just wean him totally as the breats being there but not always there seems to be like some kind of torture for him. Oh dear. Does anyone have any feedback about what might make it easier? Or similar experiences?

I am demand feeding DS2. I think I did with DS1 too, but by this age (21m) he was definitely only having a couple of feeds per day. DS2 is having at least 12 a day I reckon. Sometimes he can be on and off 3 times in 20 minutes. Sometimes he'll go a few hours.

He was horrific during the night until a month or so ago (hourly wakings), when I stopped feeding him, and just cuddled and then put back in his cot. Within one night he was sleeping through Now he sleeps from 7pm until 4.30am. Cries at 4.30am, has a cuddle, then sleeps until between 5.30-6.00am.

I can't imagine how we're going to stop the demand feeding unless I go cold turkey and stop all together, which I'm not ready to do yet. It seems harder as he's not talking yet, so he feels much more of a baby than DS1 did. I stopped feeding DS1 at 22m (was 22w pg), so I don't want to go on much longer with DS2, possibly until he's two. Hope he feels the same way!

As for distraction, there is no way he'll be distracted if that's what he wants. He screams, bites, scratches, head bangs.......

Stopped feeding DD last week (had a rare night away at a friend's). She slept all night with DH from 10-7!
She is 20 months. Still co-sleeping though, as she still wakes up at around 4 or 5 and now has a dummy instead of boob.
My boobs have not felt sore at all, so she was mainly comfort sucking and not taking much milk. She has only 2 milk teeth left to come through so I think a lot of her comfort sucking was teething related as she fed a lot more frequently after 12 mo than DS used to.
I stopped feeding DS at 14 months.
I didn't feel the 'need' to stop, just felt 'right' for each of them (DS did begin to bite IIRC).
I went back to work part-time when each was 6 mo so they were both used to having bottles or dummies when I wasn't around.
HTH