Thinking of introducing ff to 9 wk old who is exclusively bf at the moment- how?

[bluebell82]

My lo has been exclusively bf and she is gaining weight well (born 6lb 14oz and is now 11lb 4oz at 8 weeks).

I am feling really under pressure at the moment, she doesn't like ebm and I feel like I am on a coundown clock, with minutes ticking off in my head between feeds, it doesn't matter if I am at home, but I feel so uneasy when I am somewhere where I don't know where the parents rooms are, like today went for dinner with inlaws and they are not very pro bf and my lo refused the ebm I brought with me and it was suggested I took her upstairs and fed her on the toilet as they did not have other facilities. I am not confident in feeding in front of people and also I have power squirters!

I feel isolated but also feel so guilty that I am feeling like this because bf is so good for her but I just want a bit of control back, am I being selfish?

Also I have no idea how to introduce ff. Do I just switch and buy a tin of formula and be done with it or do I have to wean her slowly, what happens to my milk, will I engorge??

I feel like crying, half because I feel like a selfish cow but also because I want some kind of control back in my life, please help me but please don't be judgemental I don't think I could cope with it tonight!

You are doing great! Bf is tiring and demanding but you know yourself that it is so good for baby. Dont ever feel selfish for wanting to switch to formula. Its not poison!

You may find that it is not the ebm that she is refusing, but the bottle? Does she ever have a sip of water from a bottle?

And avoid places where people are anti-breastfeeding!!!!And tell your ILS to piss off if they expect you to breastfeed on the toilet! Dont they have a bedroom ffs???

oh bluebell82, You are doing really well. I'm no expert but there are plenty on here and sure somebody will come along soon.
Do you really want to stop bf completley. K999 is right ff is not poison, I am mixed feeding at the moment few bottles of ff and bf as well, I was really upset at first but now it works really well for us. Think you need some support before you decide what to do.

thanks k999, we were at a restaurant at the time but I usually feel uncomfortable.

I just feel liuke bf is ruling my life but I don't know how to introduce ff and feel stupid for asking. She has usually been great at taking ebm and is happy with a dummy so I don't think it was the bottle, although it was frozen ebm, obviously defrosted and slightly warmed, maybe it was just today.. but I keep tooing and froing from the idea of ff.. god my head is a shed today

You are doing so well, it is really hard at first and for me it took til about 12 weeks before I started feeling confident about feeding at all, let alone in public! It is so all consuming and does take over your life but this phase does pass. If you want to keep breastfeeding you will get lots of support on here.

As for changing to formula I am really not sure how you would go about it. My ds had a few bottles of formula in the first few months when I reached really low points and felt I couldn't do it anymore but I didn't switch completely, I just gave one at points when it was particularly painful/difficult and I needed a break. Plenty of people will say even one bottle can do damage etc etc but as far as I am concerned, those bottles of formula saved my sanity and meant I am still breastfeeding my lo now (11mo).

It is important to know that everyone is different and that introducing formula can affect your supply while your lo is so small but I don't know much about timelines and the proper facts, I just want to leave a disclaimer that while the occasional bottle did not do any harm to my supply/lo's feeding, I believe it sometimes can.

I bf dd2 for 12 weeks and then went on to mixed feeding, which worked really well. I did this for about 3 months and then switched to formula completely.

You can only do what you feel is right. You may be finding it hard now, but it will get easier as your lo gets a little older.

Dont ever feel guilty though....you are doing your best and that is all you can ever do.

And, well done you for getting this far!

do I just ff instead of bf every 4 hours, whats happens to the breast milk at that ff, do I express it or just leave it there, as my boobs get really full if I leave it? I am thinking about mix feeding, k999- how did you do it, at what feeds?

if it helps, and you would like to continue as you are, try to just take it a day at a time. It really helped me when it was hard to just think 'i'll breastfeed until 6 weeks and then i'll see'. then til 8 weeks, then sometimes just one day at a time and before I knew it we were over the 'hump' and it became something I could do, and then something I enjoyed.

agree that you should not feel guilty, although that is almost impossible (!), you are doing your best for your baby and no one can ask any more from you.

I introduced bottles at first in the day time as when I woke my boobs were sore and I had to empty them!! After she got a full feed in the morning I gave her a bottle at her next feed. And then I would bf and then formula feed. I would bf her at night before going down and then I gave her a formula feed at 10pm and that was her till the morning. The more formula feeds you introduce the less your supply will be and I found that after a few weeks of ff that I was down to one bf a day..usually in the morning and sometimes in the day to settle her.

I actually loved mixed feeding as it seemed to be the best of both worlds to me!!

Thanks k999, I'm sittin here in tears I just feel so low, my dh doesn't understand that attachment that goes with bf, I just can't control how I am feeling, I am so torn and I have heard that you get a lot of 'dwon' feelings when you start to lose your milk supply and I am worried that I am not in the right frame of mind, I'm not depressed but I just feel unable to control the situation.. guilt is such a bummer!

bluebell82 please do ring one of the bf helplines, they are trained counsellors and can help you. shall i post numbers for you?

you have done so well, don't cry

here is a very useful and cheering site with helpline numbers, co-incidentally the current post is about bf in front of others.

it is so hard in the early weeks, you need to put your baby and yourself first and ask for help if you need it.

Hi Bluebell, is this your first baby?

Sorry to read your post and that you are so upset.
Breastfeeding is hard work in the first 2-3 months, esp if you dont have much support around you.
Do remember that while breastfeeding is very time consuming at the start, it is in many ways much easier as there is no sterilising bottles/teats or preparing feeds, you can feed your baby any time and anywhere (once you feel more comfortable feeding in public)and night feeding is much easier.
Think your in laws were pretty awful asking you to go and feed in the loos, they obviously are not very aware.
The control thing settles down when you start to feed less often, around the 3 month mark in my experience which is not far off for you.
Agree with fishie its prob worth calling a helpline or two.
If you really do want to introduce formula (rather than doing it because you feel bullied/unsupported) then to keep your supply going its probably a good idea to express at the times you give a forumla feed.
DO have a look here for info and general support (I found it a really useful site when I struggled with feeding my first born).
www.kellymom.com/bf/index.html

yes she is my first, my dh is really supportive buit he was bottle fed and doesn't see the problem in mixed feeding, but I am just worried that emotionally I am not ready but then I am feeling trapped by my current feeding routine.

I have decided to buy some formula tomorrow and just give my lo one ff a day and see how she gets on, that way I have the best of both worlds and I won't damage my milk supply that much, now I have the nightmare of deciding which one!

Thank you for all your advice and help, i feel like I am a big cry baby, honestly not usually this unhinged but just had mega emotions tonight!

bluebell, i am glad you are feeling better. please do ring a counsellor though, they can talk to you about how you feed, when and how best to add formula. and make you feel really confident and informed in your choice. i am worried that you are making decisions based on a lack of support rather than what you actually want to do.

Oh, you sound so conflicted! What you have to remember is that you are a brilliant mother and that you are doing great!

I only ask about her being your first because I felt exactly the same way with dd1! Not only are you coping with bf, but with sleepless nights, hormones, change in dynamics with dh etc....it is no surprise that we can sometimes feel overwhelmed!!!

Please try not to worry too much about it! I would advise that you call one of the BF lines as well.....even to get their advice and support.

Formula is not poison and you have given your lo the best possible start......give yourself a huge pat on the back and try to relax! And remember that your lo will not question yoy later on in life about how long you bf!!

Hi bluebell82,

Just wanted to give you my support. I have had a lot of problems breastfeeding and you have done so very well by my standards! My DS is one month today and he is currently being mixed fed though I am probably going on to full FF soon. Like you, I found the whole bf-ing issue so emotive and I have had so many problems doing it (beyond the normal 'this is tough!' It just doesn't seem to be working for me on lots of levels...). Last week, I was clearly losing the plot that the bf counsellor whom I met at a baby cafe clearly thought I was losing it, called my HV and made her come to see me and the baby!

I made the decision today to go FF for my own sanity but still feel insanely guilty about it. I am still expressing as I am so reluctant to give it up. I hate to say this but DS is a much happier and settled baby today because he has had a couple of FF in a row. At the end of the day, feeding your baby is only one aspect of being a parent... So don't feel too guilty about giving him a bottle of FF here and there. I was FF and I turned out completely fine. I so understand what you mean about feeling like a selfish cow. Even though everyone who knows my problem have said they would completely understand me giving up bf, I STILL feel guilty. Tonight, because DH ended up being frustrated with DS, I ended up crying and saying 'you can't be a bad daddy as he already has a bad mummy!'

Take care okay? You've done so brilliantly well!

Ax

Hi bluebell, my DD1 refused expressed breast milk, and wouldn't take a bottle until I offered her formula. I needed to be able to offer her a bottle of something rather than the breast all the time to save my sanity. I switched to mixed feeding at 3 months, and she took to formula immediately, even though she'd refused the EBM. I wonder if it confused her, offering her breast milk in a bottle?

Nuk bottles and teats are closest to the 'feel' of nipples I think, I found both of mine latched onto them easily and refused the Avent ones. You can get Nuk mail order and in some pharmacies (and probably elsewhere).

I partially breastfed DD1 for 7 months and DD2 for about 10 weeks because she was savaging my nipples. Don't feel bad for wanting to introduce a bottle. Many women don't even attempt to breast feed!

hi bluebell my lo is 9wks too and im experiencing the exactly same problems and fears. Weve tried introducing ff last thing as that night but ds has refused part of me felt disappointed but another part felt relief that he preferred my milk.I fed ds1 til he was 6mths so there must of been a time where it got easier im hoping things will change in the next few months.

hello everyone just thought I would update you on where I am . I rang one of the helplines and spoke to a wonderful woman who helped me decide what to do by giving me information and not telling me what to do. I did go out and buy Formula on MOnday and I did give my lo a feed, it took an hour, it smelt horrible and I then spent the rest of the night feeling guilty and upset, I spoke to the helpline yesterday morning and identified that the problem stems from me not feeling comfortable breastfeeding outside the home. My lo feeds religiously every 4 hours so my boobies do get a bit full, it was suggested that instead of feeding for 20 mins every 4 hours feed for 10 mins every 2 hours and it worked a treat, no squirting, and the feed didn't seem as labouring because by the time she was on she was off, plus Ruby slept from 9pm until 4am last night, fed for 20 mins and then went back down until 8am. She seems so much happier, I know it is early days but I think she was reacting to my upset too.
I am also going to a coffee morning tomorrow so I can be around other breast feeding moms and pick up tips about feeding in public, also had a long talk with dh and found that I had completely miscommunicated his feelings about bf, he only wants me and Ruby to be happy and he is happy to acts as the human sheild in starbucks!

Thank you all so much, feeling much better.

mum2samandalex I really recommend you ring one of the breastfeeding helplines linked above, she just helped me see the wood for the trees and I feel like a weight has been lifted. Also she told me that my boobs would eventually stop being so massive and that generally bf doesn't properly establish until 3 months so we should definitely give ourselves a break

When I switched to formula I did it gradually, and would limit the breast feed and top up with formula to decrease my supply slowly. Start with a feed where LO is hungry, give ff first and some bf after, as its more likely not to be fussed with if lo is hungry iyswim. hth.

Bluebell, I am so pleased you have had a positive breakthrough.

Bluebell - delighted to read through this thread and then find you took such a proactive and reflective approach to your situation.

Do take it one step at a time, there is a lot of non-judgemental support available on MN. You really could do with finding ways to get your dh to understand more and support you, particularly when you are feeling vulnerable. Perhaps he could come on MN and ask some questions?!

FWIW, our ds is 2.5 and still breastfed and I'm very glad I have taken this decision - however that comment is most definitely made to show support that it can be done and not intended to make you feel guilty if you don't. Once you find a couple of b'fing mothers to talk to and feed with in RL, you will find some of your anxieties diminish. Good luck!

APOLOGIES! Re-read your thread and see that your dh is playing JUST the right role. Really great news, he will be your rock and will grow in his own understanding of breastfeeding.

Sorry, got a bit overexcited and posted too soon!