Breastfeeding - day 11

[justtryingtodad]

Our baby has fed pretty constantly from about 9pm to 2am and still going. We thought it might just be one night but that was days ago. Both of us are falling asleep holding him and therefore putting him in his cot but then he screams. What’s the solution?

They do go through periods of cluster feeding in those first weeks, which is what sounds like is happening. It's natures way of establishing your milk supply and very normal. It's really tough I know. I've breastfed both of mine and this early weeks are hard and super tiring. My only advice is to get your partner to rest as much as possible when you're tied up feeding and then they take the baby and let you rest when the baby is settled. When you're tired, even a couple of days of little sleep can make it feel like forever, but the mantra of motherhood (that applies for most situations) is 'this too will pass'. By 6 - 8 weeks the worst of the cluster feeding was over and longer and more predictable stretches of sleep were happening. With my first i was getting about 4 hour stretches of sleep at 8 weeks and my second was giving me 5-6 hours. It's amazing how good you can feel on just a few solid hours after all those broken hours! Good luck, you're doing brilliantly!!

Keep going. It feels like utter madness but it really does get easier.

Is he feeding all night and sleeping all morning because that’s a normal newborn pattern.

The vast majority of newborns have a patch of cluster feeding where they feed, fall asleep on the breast, you put them down and they cry like you’ve starved them so you feed them again. It tends to last for 4-6 hours so 2200-2.00am or 2100 to 3.00am and then just when you cannot do this any longer they fall into their long patch of sleep and are sleepy most of the morning before repeating it again the next night.

Its because prolactin is high at night, milk supply drops to make babies feed while the prolactin is high and that boosts supply. Around six weeks the supply is less to do with base prolactin levels and more to do with breast drainage and it flips a switch and they stop this vampiric behaviour. They tend to cluster feed still though but often a little earlier and evening cluster feeding eventually builds (with luck) into better sleep at night.

when I knew baby was just comfort sucking I used a dummy. It didn’t affect my supply and didn’t affect their latch

You’re doing so well keep going. My little one was exactly like this and it was exhausting and I would often nod off feeding. As well as cluster feeding until 1am DS wouldn’t sleep in the crib after the first 1.5 hours of being put down. Eventually after several people recommended swaddling I got a swaddle up sleeping bag and it was like a miracle. It meant we got a couple of hours sleep in between feeds.

It does get better I’m just feeding now after he has slept for 5 hours (3 months old).

It’s so incredibly tough so be proud of yourself.

Bedsharing, breastfeeding in side lying position. It is literally the only way to stay sane and get some sleep. Baby will sleep better too. It is much safer to intentionally bedshare according to the guidance than to fall asleep unintentionally with a baby on you.

We reached out for help but we’ve had to stop. My wife was simply in too much pain. It was possibly the latch or early damage but the support just wasn’t there when we needed it. We’re expressing and bottle feeding now.

My wife’s much happier but now I feel like I’m just doing an awful job. He throws up anything that I feed him. I’ve tried pacing, different lengths of time before winding him, looking for cues from him. I just feel useless and really low. I can never settle him and just can’t see things getting any better.

Ah I remember these days. There were nights when DD didn't sleep until 3 or 4am. I used to drink coffee in the night to try and keep myself awake whilst rocking her. But only for a few weeks. I think it just goes like that sometimes. It will get better soon and you're doing a great job.

Main thing in the very short term is trying to give each other some breaks. We used to do it that my husband would take over baby duty at 4am. That way I had an "end point" to my night when I knew I'd get to sleep for a bit.

Best to avoid nodding off on the sofa or similar while holding the baby. I'd sit on a yoga ball bouncing my DD: is soothing for the baby and also you won't drift off. Also try listening to podcasts to stay awake: that way you're not getting too much light from telly or phone.

Like you, we always tried to get DD to sleep in her Moses basket (never bed shared). I think it's hard in the short term (loads of effort with failed transfers and having to start again)... but once they are used to going to sleep in their own space you are golden! Short term pain, long term gain I think.

You could also try the Charmian Mead no- cry sleep method: feeding schedule and wind the baby loads. Idea is to get the baby onto large feeds rather than "snacking".

Could you try split shifts of sleeping in the spare room so that you both get a decent stretch of sleep?

I sleep 8pm - 1am and my dp sleeps 1am until he needs to get up in the morning. That way we both get a decent stretch of uninterrupted sleep which makes things feel a lot more manageable.

The feeding will get easier. My dp said the first few shifts he did by himself were the worst evenings of his life. Constant crying and trying to settle the baby and struggling with the feeding. We're only a few weeks ahead of you and it's so much better now. Hang in there, it's awful but it won't stay like this.