I night-weaned... And I feel guilty!

[FeedingNerd]

For context, I bedshare with my son and very much wish to breastfeed him for as long as possible (but not at all judging others' decisions not to!)

It was all going well, feeding my son back to sleep whenever he'd wake up. But it starting getting out of hand to the point he'd wake up hourly in the evening until I went to bed, and when he woke up in the night he'd be latched on for aaaaaagesssss resulting in me getting serious feeding aversions in the evenings and nights. Therefore, I was stuck to the baby monitor all evening praying he wouldn't wake up and I'd feel strong resentment.

So I decided to night-wean my 12-month-old gently, somewhat utilising the Dr Jay Gordon method. Cuddling, stroking, patting, hugging and singing to him, making sure he knows I am here, and honestly there's been very minimal crying involved (though there have been some serious sad cries in between which I have managed to alleviate immediately with putting him on me), he's adjusted incredibly well.

I never wanted to night-wean him this early on but I just couldn't take it any more. Now I feel this decision is entirely selfish, that I'm depriving him of nutrients, and just realised we're only on 4 feeds a day - 3 feeds to sleep and 1 morning feed - so also scared my milk supply will just vanish from this little feeds this early on?! But most of all, I fear if in his tiny little head he believes he can no longer rely on me to meet his needs so just gives up trying in the night because he might be too young to comprehend what's happening.

Has anyone been in the same or similar boat? Or maybe have other relevant stories to tell? Please tell me I'm overreacting lol. And apologies for probably coming across quite annoying!

You've done the right thing.
He will not suffer detriment for this, in fact he will have a more present mummy for his day feeds who will have the emotional energy to give then because she isn't struggling all night... and you supported his transition beautifully.

Meanwhile babies are all different, feeding can be a strong habit beyond when it is truly needed nutritionally and you have other tools for emotional comfort, taking him off this before he is more aware as an older infant means you will have saved him from a greater level of upset later on.
My DD night weaned herself much to my surprise (I wasn't ready), but some babies would keep going interminably when mum needs it to stop. You're a pair and being the best you while also meeting his needs in a variety of ways is not a bad thing.

Oh and if you've had established feeding for 12 months your supply won't vanish it will just adapt to fit.
I was amazed how long I still had milk for even after complete weaning after a long term of bf... I could have picked it up and started again if necessary for a looooong time (obviously bulk supply wasn't constant but I could express for a long time and supply would have gone back up if I'd needed it to) and that was true for many of my friends also.

@ArchetypalBusyMum What a lovely and helpful reply, thank you so much for taking the time to comment!! I'm curious, how long did you end up breastfeeding for, and how did you feel about it naturally ending at the time?

I've had two children and my bf experience was quite different with both, not all of it how I would have chosen, or would have done again, with the benefit of experience (I had various complicated circumstances and little access to good advice which caused a few curve balls).
I felt bereft when my DD (my second baby) self weaned (night), she was 7mo! However, she was very content and happier getting her sleep instead!
I think it is natural to feel a huge wrench when you reach a step change like that, no matter how it happens. It shows you are well bonded, it doesn't mean it was the wrong decision.
My tears stopped after 3 days (not constantly crying for 3 days, but you know, having moments), I could see she was thriving and we had so many other connections that made us a loving unit, it was only one string in our bow.

I remember night weaning my first when he was 9 months old and I did it for the same reasons you did.

Don’t feel guilty - we may be mothers but we still need to sleep 😂

@ArchetypalBusyMum I think you're right, we go through a lot on our parenting journeys, but there is a definite strength in finding different ways to connect and nurture that special bond. Your honesty about how you adapted is really relatable!

@2024BigWhoop Yes!! Good to know it's not just me haha, thanks for commenting

Don’t be a martyr, you need sleep and so does baby. At that age baby should have a balanced diet which provides all nutrients, with BF or other milk as extra, not the main source of nutrients

I think you've done the right thing OP, and you shouldn't feel guilty at all. My DD was down to 3 feeds in the day at 12 months, I think that's quite normal and you will adapt. The advice is that babies don't 'need' milk in the night at his stage - everyone's journey is different and you are the adult, you can draw the line where you please. You can always offer cows milk now he's 1 or water in the night if you think he's thirsty x

@FeedingNerd we night weaned at the same age. Continued breast feeding twice a day for another year - one morning and one evening and supply was fine. Hope that gives some encouragement. Really helped with his sleep and didn't affect our bond. He is three now!

My guilt is reverse. I returned to work full time when she was 10 months. I feed when I get back, feed her to sleep, and on/off through the night; it doesn't bother me; I love this extra time as I miss her through the day. She is 13m. I do stay upstairs in the evening as she latches a lot; but I'm doing a masters so I can type in peace in/off between feeding.

Introduce a night time feed if you want; nothing is set in stone.

Yes likely supply will drop once the night feeds cease, but if you throw one expression/night wean in somewhere; it'll likely balance. Or leave your supply to adjust to the new norm; BM is clever like that. You do you. Don't feel guilt; we do what we have to, and you are amaze for giving 12m of milk & fyi you very much still sound 'present' in meeting his needs.

Why on earth are you feeling guilty? The night feeds are the best ones to drop first, in my experience, and you're hardly cutting your child off. I never had any trouble with the milk supply after that stage. What I did find was I had a bit of hormonal teariness: could that be what you're feeling now?

Google what sleep deprivation does to you long term op... Our family was transformed when me and ds got better sleep.

This is very encouraging, thanks everyone for commenting! I am in friend circles with mums that night-feed until 2+ years so definitely needed some nuanced perspectives shared here

Tonight, I snuggled my aforementioned DD to sleep to 'help her warm the bed up' ... She's 11 now. 😁 Bond unbroken, she is solid in her confidence and knowledge she is totally loved and safe and warm. Ditto my ds now 13, with whom my bf experience was quite different again. He still tells me he loves me most days and is a self confident lad, comfortable in his skin. There are a many ways to nurture your children. Bf is an excellent way, nutritionally and emotionally, but the balance has to fit you both because you are not separate entities but in fact your health, mental and physical is entwined.
If your bf pattern needs to change, you recognise it, guide the transition, reassure and carry on, and all is well.