Breastfeeding number 2

[twounder2]

HI All, can you offer me any advise?

I breastfed my now 15 month son for a really stressful 8 weeks following which I transferred to the bottle for a happier baby and mummy all round. I am expecting no2 in 3 weeks time, and am keen to give breasfeeding another try - but am nervous about it being as stressful as the first time - and how I will manage looking after my very active toddler and a newborn at the same time. Has anyone experience of this - and should I simply put breasfedding to the back of my mind and put newborn straight on the bottle for practical reasons?

If you want to try again, then try! I bf number 2 with far more confidence than number 1!

Every baby is different; what did you find hard first time round?

My ds was on a feeding frenzy from the word go, which made me really claustrophic as this is all I was doing. (Im not great as sitting down all day)

I couldnt hold him without him crying for more milk, and rarely settled for sleep. To add to this the hv advised I offer a dummy a restrict feeds in order to establish a routine (when ds was 2 weeks old)- this I am convinced affected my milk supply as it didnt resolve the problem and ds stopped gaining weight. I became enormously stressed and obsessed about feeding and began to consider depression might be settleing in. Had no support either which made matters worse. Once I was pursuaded to bottle feed - it was as if I had a different child - sleep came almost immediately and a happy household returned and hormones settled. Sound familiar?

top add to this ds returned alot of his milk and this continued until he was weaned early at 5 months when the problem stopped.

(As if there wasnt enough going on)

Sounds like you were given bad advice by the HV.

My experience is that after I got through the first couple weeks feeding on demand then things settled down and my supply met the demand ok and it was less of a feeding frenzy. I also never got my babies into a 'routine', I found that forcing things just didn't work. My babies got into their own routine and I responded to their cues about feeding and sleeping.

That is how I feel about it now - his advise was totally incorrect now I know more about the subject. I was so weary and worried at the time - I would have accepted advise from the dustbin man!

Hi there
I mix feed my DD1 for similar reasons. She was always hungry and wouldn't fall asleep unless she was full to bursting and I was not at all confident about my ability to BF. I am now fully BFing DD2 who is now 4wks, DD1 is 2 1/2.

I am not an expert by any means, but my main advice would be to have your new LO on your breast as much as possible as soon as possible after birth and make sure you get as much help as you need regarding latch/position, etc. And keep shouting until you get it. This will help you establish a really good supply from the outset, which for me was the key to boosting my confidence that I could actually feed a baby all by myself.

It's not easy BFing with a toddler, especially during growth spurts but I'm coping (just!). CBeebies is my best friend, despite my general loathing of TV as a babysitter! Toddler-proof your house so that your DS can run around while you BF and you don't have to worry that he's going to kill himself or destroy something, and try to stock up on things that he can do at home that will engage him, be it toys, crafts, DVDs, etc. My DD1 still gets bored, runs amok and throws tantrums and I do a lot more shouting (mostly due to my own frustration and tiredness) but we're getting there. That and I keep repeating to myself "this too shall pass" like a mantra!

Hope this helps, and lots of luck for the birth and those first few weeks. If you can get through those you can do anything!

Sorry, should have said "mix fed".

You'll probably appreciate the sitting around this time! I have an 18 month gap and am still breastfeeding my (now) 1 yr old. It's quite possible. I had a totally wild, needy toddler to deal with. I used to bf sitting on the floor so DS felt more involved. I could watch cbeebies with him, play games with him, help him with toys etc while feeding. It just took a bit of getting used to from him. DD turned out to be a very fast feeder - maybe because she had to be! Dinner time was tough as DD would want to feed for hours but I had to make the dinner. I'd stick the over on, feed her, put dinner on, feed her, whip her off while I plated up DSs dinner, feed her again etc etc. When DH came home at night DS got a lot of fuss and attention from him whilst I got comfy and fed, fed, fed DD.

It is tough going to start with. But it really does get easier with time. I also went out a lot with DS. Try toddlers groups for entertainment for him. That way you can feed while he plays and if you want to play with him there are other mums who are happy to watch the baby for you.

I would give the new baby as much breastmilk as you can. Take each feed as it comes and make sure you don't make any rash decisions at 5am when you're sleep deprived. You just don't know, it could be easy this time and your DS might not worry about it at all!

Agree with the demand feeding. If your partner is off work, take to your bed with the new baby and feed, feed, feed to get your supply geared up. I also found that DD was always attached to me but if she was in a sling I could still play with DS. Also, DS enjoyed doing things around the new baby. He helped me with nappies, breastfed his teddy, helped me bounce her to sleep, we'd sing little songs to her and things. Nowadays he just thumps her and makes me bf his teddy as he can't be bothered. Oh the joys of a small gap . Best of luck.

twounder2 I had a very similar situation to you. DS1 and I never really 'got' breastfeeding and I switched to ff completely at about 10 weeks, for the same reasons as you. I decided to try again with ds2 (14 months between them) but not to beat myself up again if it didn't work. And hey presto, he latched on straight away and I immediately thought 'ah, so that is how it should feel'. He's now 14 mo and I'm just thinking about stopping bf now.

So, my advice is to give it a go - you might just find that as an experienced mum you can just be a bit more relaxed about it and your baby will be too.

As for the active toddler and the newborn, I found that the small age gap was really good because ds1 wasn't old enough to get jealous, so no problems on that score until they're quite a bit bigger. I had a cs, so had to get help, but just get as much help as you can for the first few weeks until bf is established and then take it from there.

As you now know (I am sorry you had such bad advice ), it is very important not to restrict access to bf. Routine is unhelpful for certainly the first few weeks/months. Babies need you to go with the flow and respond to their needs as and when.

I have a 2.10yo and an exclusively bf 6mo.

My two main ways of coping (apart from tandem feeding) have been:

1. books, books, books. ds1 can be read to for literally hours. If your toddler isn't such a book fan, alternate books with a special basket of toys that only come out when you're feeding, a treasure basket (search MN posts by FrannyandZooey containing the phrase 'treasure basket' for exlanation) and so on.

2. Putting ds2 in the sling and taking ds1 out to have a good run around. Young babies will usually sleep in slings, and your ds1 will get to run off his energy.

And remember that after the difficult early weeks, bf is so much less faff than bottles.

Good luck

that is all fabulous advise, will definatley give breasstfeeding and the treasure basket idea a try. Nice also to find I'm not the only one out there with two children so close together in age.

thanks again

Hi there,
I didn't have a small agegap but I did have trouble BF firsttime round.. I stuck with it but it was a really rocky start.
I too was apprehensive 2nd time round and DS2 somehow just knew what to do..
It took me 10 days to get DS1 latched on it was horrid. DS2 was like a baby bird with his mouth wide open and a suck like a vacuum cleaner!
Definately worth trying, you never know it may work like a dream good luck!!!