I hate breastfeeding right now ,I feel like screaming

[peggotty]

Ds 8 weeks old latching on and off on and off constantly, screaming. Think I have oversuuply. can't seem to get latched on properly. I've tried every bloody position under the sun to feed him , block feeding, a dummy.... anything. Tonight have resorted to a bottle of formula as so desperate but he wouldn't take that either. Tried skin to skin to try and calm him so he would latch on better but that hasn't worked either. He is screaming in the other room now and I think I might explode. My dd has been ignored all afternoon because I've been struggling to feed ds all afternoon. and now she's eating fucking tinned macaroni in front of the television while I ignore them both. Why is it so difficult to feed my son? (sorry about my language I feel so desperate) COuld this be a growth spurt as well?

Its up to you dummy wise. I tried with dd and she just refused everyone we bought for her. (last count was 13 different ones) not that I had an obsession in getting her to take a dummy.

I'm just aware that dummy use can cause problems with latch, and supply as well - although I seem to have too much milk at the moment so maybe not so much of an issue from that point of view. Oh I don't know, it's all such a minefield.... ff-ing seems so straightforward compared to this

I'm going to carry on though, it's seems to have become my mission to make a success of this, even if it kills me

Peggotty, I've used a dummy with all 3 but I wouldn't say it ever helped the latch - I had agonising problems with all 3... But I also had oversupply issues and so it did help with that (baby wanted to suck for comfort, got too much milk etc. Ironically, now it is the other way round - wants more, is not getting enough!)

I realised with my DS3 that it was partly, I think, a personality issue: he's much fussier than the other two about certain things. eg he hates a wet/dirty nappy whereas the others would sit in shit for hours quite happily, and more too the point, when he's tired, he let me know. So I realised (only with hindsight) that a lot of the afternoon/evening screaming was in fact tiredness and not hunger. I took him off (when I could - still had 2 others to attend to) to my bed, lay down with him in the dark, in a kind of 'spooning' cuddle - me and him facing the same way so not too much stimulation. And he'd fall asleep instantly. Might be worth a try?

We used a dummy with DS2 (14 mths, still bf).
There were a couple of times when he seemed to be sucking a little strangely and I thought ARGH dummy, bad latch, but at this age I can't see that it would be an issue.

The danger is the "opposite" to what you've been doing - ie always putting the dummy in instead of offering the breast so less milk, less bf, and ending up giving up.

DS2 had/has bad reflux so dummy was helpful for when he had the kind of behaviour you described - on off breast, screaming (but he was in pain).

Had to "force" it on him but it was the only way to survive. Used it quite a lot up to 6 mths and then less and less after that but I was so embarrassed about him having it () that we didn't use it much when out and I tended to take it off him once he had calmed down.

Why not try it ? If you're feeling so down about bf you might give up anyway - this could really relieve some of the pressure?

May give dummy a try then, only when he seems inconsolable with the breast though. My dd had reflux actually, although she was ff and was a big puker, was wondering if this is reflux with ds, but have read that oversupply can cause reflux symptoms so I'm hoping it's that and can therefore be sorted out as an oversupply issue. I've also noticed that he doesn't open his mouth very wide when feeding, bottom lip not folded down etc, but I'm assuming that he doing this so that the milk flow isn't as strong (he's not tongue-tied or anything), and even though he's technically got a 'bad latch', my nipples don't generally hurt (unless he has one of his marathon feeding sessions) and he's certainly getting plenty of milk as he's piling on weight.

I've got to remember also that i'm still 'getting to know' ds in many ways and could be misreading a lot of his behaviour. It will get better, it will get better......!!

Pegotty, sorry you are having problems. There has been lots of good advice on here. a dummy can be a life saver but as has been mentioned may affect latch and supply.

Hopefully your supply will even out soon so over supply won't be such a problem. Have you tried laying on your back and him feeding face down (well, he'll probably lie to one side). Seems like it might be uncomfy for him but is actually the most natural position. That way he has more control over the feed.

It must be so hard with dd, these are really difficult early days.

if you think ff would be easier just check out the thread on how to make up formula here, should hopefully make you relieved about bfing!

I'm sure DS doesn't hate bfing, but I can understand why you might think that. I bet it and you are his favourite things in the world

It WILL it REALLY REALLY will ! Promise promise. The last year has been a blur for me (working full-time too since DS was 3 mths) but those 1st 3 months are the worst. Suddenly you get more confident and they get more "readable" and the guess work disappears a bit.

Keep us posted on how you get on.

I gritted my teeth bf DS1 (first 6 wks hurt like hell), and wanted to make it to 3 mths, then 6, and then suddenly there I was at a year ! Same with DS2; reflux was HELL and has put me off having another baby, but we got through it somehow and I'm really glad to have a "nice" bf relationship with him now because I would have hated to leave it at the "horrible" stage IYSWIM?

HTH a bit, hang in there, I know you can do it!

THank you bumper and haventslept!! I have tried feeding lying down with him on top, but today and yesterday, nothing was working!

Actually, haventslept 'I'm really glad to have a "nice" bf relationship with him now because I would have hated to leave it at the "horrible" stage IYSWIM?' that makes a lot of sense and that's what I'm holding out for I think. If I gave up now I would have gone through all this for nothing!
I agree about reflux being hell - we had an absolute nightmare with my dd, weight plummeting, on loads of different meds. I was so relieved when ds appeared to not have it, not so sure now... !

Hope you have a better day tomorrow. If DH/DP is around MAKE him take the baby out for an hour even if it's tipping it down, have a lovely cuddle with DD and you'll all feel better.
good night (past 10 here so need to go to bed)

Sounds like my DS. It turned out he was allergic to dairy and eggs.

He used to suck for a few minuted then pull off screaming and arching his back and try to go back on start screming again. It was awful so really feel for you.

Other ideas are possible reflux or ear infection.

Has he always been like this while feeding, or just a recent thing?

have you seen or spoken to a breastfeeding counsellor? If not, google nct, breastfeeding network, la leche league or Association of Breastfeeding Mothers to find one.

You are right that the problem might be something other than hunger, so you need some one with some bf expertise to diagnose. But be warned: many gps and hvs do not have this expertise and may give bad advice.

When my first child was a baby, she was pretty difficult to satisfy and did not take a dummy (although I only offered it once) and one of the things I used to do if she cried in the daytime and I wanted to delay feeding her again, was to put her in the pram and take her for a walk. Sometimes a baby cries because of tiredness and can't get to sleep. A lovely walk out in the fresh air often lulls a baby having that problem. If I got all the way round the block and she was still crying I would think ok maybe you really do want feeding. You could take your older child with you on this little outing. A walk would probably do you all good.

Hey Peggotty.. Went through something similar with DD2, with her it turned out to be that she just loved sucking and would make those mouthing faces when she didn't actually need a feed.. But I would feed her thinking she did, then she would get over full and windy and cry a lot, and want to suck to relieve her tummy.. and on and on..

I'd like to say we solved it ourselves but we didn't really. We did put a lot of time into winding her between feeds and once I realised what was happening I worked hard to find other ways of settling her than feeding her, and tried to leave a couple of hours between feeds even if it seemed like she wanted one..

But what really fixed it was her finding her thumb at around 10 weeks.. When she wants a good suck for sucking sake, thumb goes in, she grasps a bit of muslin at the same time and there you are, happiest baby in the world. I'm sure I'll be posting in a few years asking how to get my dd to stop sucking her thumb but right now I'm all for it!

By the way, this page at KellyMom helped me work out what was wrong in dds case: www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/fussy-while-nursing.html