Baby still not latching at 3 weeks - should I give up?

[jefl]

My DS had his tongue tie cut last Friday - before this he had been unable to latch at all. The infant feedung midwife we saw was amazing and helped him to larch straight away. Since then I have not been able to help him latch effectively, we try at every feed but he just gets upset and I end up in tears.

I have been exclusively pumping but finding unsustainable with the time taken to pump and sterilise everything. I'm also not sure if I have enough milk for him.

I had my heart set on breastfeeding and feel like a failure because I can't feed my baby properly.

Are you able to see the midwife again at all? If he latched well with her then he can do it again. Did she give any tips? There are all sorts of things to try on Kellymom.

However - the most important thing is that you absolutely should not feel like a failure. Whatever happens. A non stressed mum bottle feeding is a lot better than a daily battle and a mum down on herself. So I would say, if you feel like it is taking over, give yourself permission to stop and enjoy your baby.

This happened to me recently too. If you had the tongue tie division last Friday then I would say it’s early days for seeing a consistent improvement. It can get worse for a few days and take a while to get better, as they have to learn how to use their tongue and build up the muscles and stamina to feed.

Nipple shields really helped me. I don’t respond well to a pump so have had to use formula to top up and that was hard for me to accept, but it’s now working well. Exclusive pumping is hard - if it helps you get more rest and takes the pressure off you could introduce some formula as well.

It really helped me to go to a support group as well to get in-person support with my latch.

Please don’t feel like a failure - feeding a tongue tied baby is super hard and these challenges are not your fault.

I would say my baby struggled to latch well for the first few weeks (also had a tongue tie cut). As a PP says nipple shields helped, I used them for maybe the first 9 or 10 weeks.

I can remember the frustration of achieving a good latch when the professional was present and then trying to recreate it and not getting the same results. Looking back I feel like my baby was learning this skill, so was I and it took a fair bit of practice. I saw a lactation consultant for 1-1 support, I practiced the latch so many times in front of a mirror so I could see what I was doing. Sometimes it felt so hopeless but I did it before my baby got hungry, so all the practising and skin to skin might have helped. I also found some of the local breastfeeding support groups helpful. There is also a National helpline where I got words of encouragement one day when it all felt like it was going pear-shaped.

I did have to give formula top ups for the first few weeks (was also pumping for top ups). For me, stopping breastfeeding would have been much more stressful than carrying on, but it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If it gives any encouragement my pump was relegated to a box in a cupboard, taken out again in the summer to get milk for breast milk lollies but not ‘needed’, and my baby didn’t need formula after those first few weeks either.
Good luck with this very tricky bit and look after yourself too. When people told me to rest I rolled my eyes and still do but if you can eat least eat and drink it’s good!

Hi, I saw you posted a few days ago so now sure if still relevant but just in case: I pumped as my son couldn't latch - he latched at 4 weeks. We then had a long transition period where I was both pumping and breastfeeding, but by around 8 weeks or so, he was fully breast fed. He's now 8.5 months and breastfeeding anywhere is trivial for us both. Of my friends who've had non-latching babies, one has latched at 9 weeks and another at 12 weeks. If you search YouTube for "Exclusive pumping to nursing" you'll see various stories - I seem to remember one where a 5 month old switching to breastfeeding.

I wish I'd known about this study at the time: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23497501/#:~:text=Conclusions%3A%20Skin%2Dto%2Dskin,infants%20who%20started%20to%20latch.
It says that skin-to-skin seems to make babies learn to latch faster BUT overall, there isn't a difference in what % of babies learn to latch and the key point is that most babies learn to latch - around 80%.

I always felt like there was a window closing and I was running out of time, but I actually think the opposite is true. Breastfeeding gets easier as babies get stronger. The exclusive pumping/triple feeding almost killed me but overall I'm glad I did at as I'm really pleased we got to breastfeeding successfully. All those feeds with my son howling at me and fighting while I tried to latch him are a distant memory.

This video really helped me get the first latch (but I wouldn't do the switch to cradle hold, just stay in cross cradle supporting my breast):
My son first latched at night, and he'd had a bit of milk already.

This was me and I managed pumping for 6 weeks before I finally accepted it wasn't working and moved to formula. while I was initially upset about it, the relief, free time, enjoyment of the whole day and just being able to relax with my well fed baby meant it turned out to be a good thing.

Another vote for nipple shields, also I had trouble with DD latching (she didn’t have tongue tie, just me being a novice) so I know it isn’t quite the same but we used the position where dd would lay down my side so feet going past my back rather then laying across me and this was the only way it worked for me - good luck op