Thanks all.
It really was so dispiriting. I did, in fact, go back to her clinic the following week because I was so cowed and worried about dd. But I went mob-handed with my mother and another friend, and I think the HV realised we meant business! Did lots of fake-o cheery smiles and patronisingly loud cries of "well done" when dd turned out to have regained birthweight. Which of course simply made me want to smack her in the chops.
What really really irritates me, in retrospect, is that much of her advice was quite sensible: make sure you rest a lot, don't have too many friends/family over to visit, don't overdo things. but the way the advice was delivered - well, words fail me. "Start the hard work" is such a negative phrase, regardless of the criticism it also implies of my behaviour in the first two weeks of my baby's life.
I honestly was imagining referrals to social services/at risk register, you name it. Makes me realise just how vulnerable and I was: talk about getting things out of proportion. Luckily I had my mother and a maternity nurse around and I'm quite a sturdy person anyway. I dread to think what effect the HV would have had on someone with less support.
When I told the GP what the HV had said she winced and said, well, yes, she can have an unfortunate brusque manner, "but she means well". I couldn't face taking it any further; felt they knew about the problem but weren't prepared to confront it really.
The other HV in the practice, thankfully, is a darling. She's officially attached to some other GPs but doesn't seem so surprised that I've, er, migrated to her. Perhaps I'm not the first!