How long would you breastfeed for, if you partner wasn't that keen on it?

[pelafina]

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I work from this point of view when I come to similar cross roads with DH: You are the adult here. You are old enough to get over it.

You know, 4 years on, I'm still so totally in love with DS but have learnt to make time for DH.

DH loves us and devotes a lot of time to us but was never really into any baby cooing and marvelling at each step or new word.
The bond grows over time. Not all men are alike but I suspect a few of those very compliant father fake it in early years.
I'm going to get slated for this, but it is a fact. They are selfish and need to be reminded when they are. However, if you want to keep your relationship going, acknowledge it, make an effort and then make him understand that efforts go both ways.

Please stop hammering him with pros and cons about breastfeeding you're only going to polarise him or bore him.

BF you baby and find time to woe each other back.

Now co-sleeping might be a problem.

I loved it but was really happy to move DS in his room around 5 months. His sleep and mine improved greatly.
He gradually woke less during the night (around 2 am and 5/6 am then only at 5)
I just went in his room (which is great because then it's just you and him and no hovering dad) fed him and went back to sleep against DH.

We started co sleeping again occasionally around 3 years old (nightmares).
When DH objected I snapped and said well you can take him back to bed and go through reading stories for 1 hour in the middle of the night or we can all cuddle up and have a good night's sleep.

Needless to say he choose the second option. Now when DS comes into our bed, it's just a delight to all wake up together and tickle and cuddle.

Longer than I intended just to piss him off

My dh was a bit weird about bf but at the same time he put his feelings aside at the time and was totally supportive. He did find it hard, but then again whenever he came near me he would be soaked with milk!!! We talked about it and we agreed that I would feed for 6 months and then in his words "he could have my body back"....!! Worked for us three times!!!!

I would just reasure hubby in a jokey type way that he has not been forgotton.

Like balletmum, I used to tell my hubby that they were tempory for babies, and that he would have them back soon, or I wold remarke that they baby was growing up fast, eating solids and wouldnt need me as much soon.

Men do get pushed aside, and some people just arent that comfortable with babies, they enjoy the later stages more.

Some mothers I know are happier now that they can have proper talks with there children , and hated the pre-school years.

Once your baby is over a year old and running around and laughing with glee when daddy comes in from work, or simply enters a room, this hitch will fade.
I was simply meals on wheels at that point.

ps, hubby had to wait a while, first fed for 13 months, 2nd 12 months, 3rd 18 months, 4th, was 2 1/2yrs !!!

8 monthsish.
dh was very supportive, but that was neither here nor there. breastmilk is the most approprite food for babies. that is the only important thing.
well done for getting this far

Pelafina I just decided it was up to me and that was it really. He was supportive when he was a newborn but he's never really been over keen on me feeding and has said before that's it's "disgusting" me feeding him now. I have talked but got nowhere so now I just ignore it and carry on, he's learnt to not say anything about it now too.

I still also co-sleep. I'm the one that will feel guilty over it if I stop so I'd rather carry on for what is, overall, quite a short time.

I'm very much AP, dh is to a degree also but we have different views on things.

I would say persevere for the next 4-6 weeks at least Pela. It is so much easier & different once they are on solids. At 6/7 months I was feeding less often, dd was in own room and dh had the 'sexy side' of my boobs again.
Pretty bras came back out at this point as I wasn't like Jordan & changing breast size all the time, they really settled down. Same for normal clothes and as for weight loss, don't forget bfing uses up extra calories - you are more likely to gain when you stop!
dh did go through a period at about 1 year when he was quite keen for me to stop, but a month later wasn't bothered and is still supportive now (dd 2 in a couple of weeks and still feed once a day)
Good luck and do what you feel is right for you and ds - not dp

I agree with jackstini.

I felt a bit of pressure from DH. Not as outright as what you are going through. Just comments here and there and questions about when I was going to stop.

DS is in his own room now at night since 6m and that has given us back a bit of "us / couple time" in bed that we were lacking and more physical contact.

And guess, what.. I am still BFing and he has stopped asking when I am going to stop!

The feeds are less so its not so constant anymore and once they are on solids DHs can feed them which I think helps improve things also. Food is not equal boobs anymore.

I would keep going if I was you. As someone said earlier on in a post, if you don't give up on your terms you will only store up anger and resentment against him.

(Ps - 9months in and I don't really feed in public either, so don't feel that that should make you give up either)

Pelafina, I'm sorry you are having problems with your DP. My first response is he really needs to get a grip and support you, but I know that is not constructive or helpful!

My partner has gone on and off supporting me, but not because he found it disgusting, but because he could see the toll it was taking on me and he wanted things to be easier (and me to be in a better mood) but we have talked about it and he has realised that in order to make things easier he just needs to support me more. Only last night when DD (8mo) woke up unexpectedly in the night he said "thank god for bfing, we don't have to get up and make bottles of formula).

As for when we stop, well that is another bone of contention. DH is not entirely convinced about extended bfing, but we are just seeing how it goes.

Having a baby takes it toll of your relationship anyway so it's not unusual for things to be difficult. Do you express? Do you think DP might feel better if he gave a couple of bottles of EBM to your son, feel a bit more involved.

As for feeding in public, have you been out on your own, or with other mothers and fed in public. If you can build your own confidence up in bfing and really believe that you are entitled to feed DS and feed him where you want.

Have you thought about seeing a relate counsellor to address the affect having a baby has had on your relationship? he needs to too you as a mother as well as his partner. It's difficult for men as they don't have things like mnet or support from their friends in the same way that we do, so they don't know what is normal and what isn't.

I hope you can talk sense into him. Stop bfing when you feel you are ready. I don't know about you but I sometimes feel guilty over the bfing as I am not giving DH a choice in the matter, but the way I see it that is my perogative for carrying DD for 9months and giving birth to her!

Haven't read all the thread, but to answer the title - until such time as he was around and prepared to do every feed himself, deal with the upset child who couldn't be comforted with the breast, and deal with every illness ensuing because they were not breastfed.

The breastfeeding would probably last longer than the partner tbh.

This is a period of adjustment to your new life as parents, for both of you. Relationships are without doubt different after your baby arrives. I find that many men just want 'things back to normal' and the slow realisation that normal as it was is long gone, can be hard. I would say keep feeding - it is a short and wonderful period of your time with your baby, even if you feed for years. Your libido is unlikely to be linked simply to feeding, and stopping would not necessarily mean it returns. It does sound like you have a dp that loves you very deeply but in some ways he has to go on his journey towards becoming a father on his own.

In answer to the OP - as long as I wanted to and as long as I thought was good for the baby. My body - my decision.