Stopping breast feeding - support

[babymom23]

Hi all,
I've had a really tough start to motherhood. DD is 2 months now and I've finally decided to give up breastfeeding and pumping. DD wasn't gaining weight, I was stressed trying to produce milk that wasn't there, tried pumping to build supply and none of it worked. Tried to combination feed but DD was just not satisfied after BF.

Between illness during labour and postpartum, separation from partner and a myriad of other things over the past 8 weeks, I just can't do it anymore.

I would love to hear some of your experiences or words of encouragement. I know fed is best, I just feel a bit robbed of my experience and I know I'm not alone in this - even though it feels like I am.

I don't have any mum friends so just really needed a vent and some support I suppose

Hi,
I had a similar experience. I didn't get to breastfeed for long as my daughter got jaundice and i was told to express my milk. It actually broke my heart that I couldn't do this for my child. But what can you do if your body can't produce or your circumstances don't allow. Emotionally it is a difficult decision to make.

It also felt like a relief giving up as I really struggled initially and also pumping was hard too. It was taking up all my time when i was bfing and my baby was never fully satisfied and it was because she was struggling to feed because of her jaundice. After being told she had jaundice the pumping was even more difficult along with all the cleaning bottles and being on a schedule. It made me more distant from my baby as my baby wanted to be cuddled and i couldn't double pump and hold my child. So I'd feel terrible if she needed me. Plus my milk supply never went up with the pumping so felt like a no win. With ff it felt i could play and connect with my child so much more and be more present.

But as hard as it is right now all I can say is you will get through it. There are many ways you can bond with your baby through cuddles etc. Your baby and you will still bond and have an amazing connection regardless of if you bf or not believe me. You can bond with ff too by cuddling your baby close and feeding. Try and make sure it is you that feeds your child so they can recognise mum. Id occasionally let dad feed aswel as that bond is important too. But no one else was really allowed.
It is more important at this stage that your baby is well nourished and gaining weight. Formula will have all the vitamins your baby will need and if you bfd at the start your baby got all your colostrum and has gained antibodies from you whilst in the womb. So please do not worry. There are many women who have to give up and i know many ff fed kids including my husband who have been bonded with their mum and also fine. So please don't feel like you are doing something wrong. You are making a choice that is best for you and your baby.

Have you had tongue tie assessment OP? I'm so sorry you're in this position. It's heartbreaking to help in a breastfeeding support group and hear so many second time mums go through grief in relation to their first bf experience. Getting specialist support (not HV or MW) is key to being able to navigate the initial challenges most women go through. Six to eight weeks is the most common time for Western mums to give up because it's about how long you can cope without good support. Have you been told that fussiness at the breast, doubting supply and baby never seeming satisfied is all normal and in fact necessary to build supply, and unless you have something else going on like tongue tie will settle at 10-12 weeks?

I really feel for you. You've done all you can with the lack of support and a rough start. Eight weeks will still have offered some amazing benefits.

https://lactationnetwork.com/blog/the-benefits-of-breastfeeding-a-timeline-for-the-ages/#:~:text=Breastfeeding%20exclusively%20for%20six%20months,lower%20risk%20for%20childhood%20leukemia.

Go easy on yourself as the hormones may be rough as you stop. Try to stop gradually if you can and do some hand expression (just enough to relieve you) to prevent mastitis. Breastfeeding grief by Amy Brown is a good read.

@Cappuccino17 I'm sorry you had a similar experience but thank you for sharing it! You're right, I know there's light at the end of this tunnel. It's much better seeing DD happy and playing and knowing she is getting enough. Thank you

@Flittingaboutagain yes she got checked in the hospital, by the HV and by a lactation consultant and all concluded there's no tongue tie. I was ill and on antibiotics during the first two weeks postpartum so that caused my supply to never really come in. I did what I could to increase it but it just wasn't enough and causing too much stress!

It's tough but thank you for your kind words

Everyones situation is different. You haven't let anyone down. You gave your baby protection until she could receive her vaccinations.

You have been ill and under immense stress and let down by your partner. You did the absolute best you could and sound like a hero to have persevered to this point.

Most new mums who get on with breast feeding have a partner who does the nappies before/after a feed and brings them cups of tea and a snack. And helps them get some sleep. I fed both of mine but couldn't have done it alone.

Bottle feeding is not child abuse. Your daughter will benefit from you being more relaxed and having more spare time (not always pumping). She will be more content and so will you. You can then focus on enjoying her and accepting your new single parent circumstances.

In a couple of months this wont sting as much. And in a year you will hardly give it a thought. Look at two five year olds in the street or two ten year olds and tell me which one was bf and which wasnt? You would have no idea.