Self-weaning?

[xmashampermunker]

I'm starting this thread on behalf of a friend - she has an 8 month old DD who is beginning to resist being breastfed. I hope she'll be along to add more detail, but does anyone have any tips? I've sent the kellymom link on this to her already.

Also because of a house move and working full time, she's not sure that she has enough milk - DD has been having bottles (initially of EBM but more recently of formula, though my friend would like to give EBM again I think) - how do you relactate when your baby isn't happy about nursing more frequently?

(I hope this is right hun - feel free to correct me if it's not!)

Hmmmm. A bit difficult to say anything truly helpful without knowing the full story but the following could be something to think about:

1. If the house move and/or starting work have happened recently, this could have 'unsettled' Mum or baby which could make baby a bit more 'fussy' at the breast and any stress could have an effect on milk production for Mum.
2. Something like 98 or 99% of Mums can produce enough breast milk for their baby as it works on a supply and demand basis. If Mum wants to keep breastfeeding, suggest feeding regularly from breast whcih will stimulate more milk production. There are ways to supplement whilst breastfeeding which will again help increase milk supply but your friend would need to speak to and see a local bresatfeeding counsellor for that.
3. Apparently, some babies do just wean themselvesbefore you may want them to.
4. If baby refuses the breast tell your friend not to make a big deal out of it, no matter how upset she feels (easier said than done, I know). Baby will pick up on this and it will become an issue. Just take baby off the breast and say ok, we'll try later and do just that. Trying to remain as laid back about it as possible will help.
5. How often is Mum breastfeeding the baby?
6. Has your friend tried breastfeeding counsellors and charities? NCT breastfeeding line 0870 444 8708 (8am - 10pm) Breastfeeding Network 0870 900 8787 (9.30am - 9.30pm) Association of Breastfeeding Mothers 0870 401 7711 (24 hr) La Leche League 0845 120 2918 (24 hr)
7. Are there any breastfeeding froups nearby that she could go to? (I know of a few in S. London if that is her local area).

Hope this helps and good luck.

Advise from a mother who intended on bfing until 1 year and still is only just (virtually) given up at 2 years.

I would look at it as a natural and appropriate time to stop. You could put yourself through a lot of stress trying to build up your supply again, only to come to a point in maybe a years time, where you would like to give up bfing but your dd just won't have it.

And believe me by that age, if they want it they get it. my dd will literally rip a shirt off me when i say no.

At 8 mths, is an ideal time to stop bottles/breastfeeding. If it continues any longer, then children are very knowing and in such a habit it is much more to take away.

It won't be long before your dd can have cows milk and can receive all of the required amount through food and drinks during the day.

If my next child weans themself at 8mths i will be jumping for joy. But that is only cos i have experience a year of misery, frustration, guilt and stress from attempts to give up, and horrid horrid looks from the same people that praised me when i successfully breastfed my newborn baby.

Sorry to go on! just thought if you heard a story from the other side it may make you think differently.

God Fran that is quite sobering... How often does she feed from you?

Well DS weaned himself off at 8 months - he found bottles of EBM more efficient I suspect (I was back at work).... DD - to my delight - BF for 19 months, she had very few bottles.... but she weaned herself off - to my surprise !
So very different from Fran.

She can relactate is he either pumps or feed more often. (Feed being first choice!)

if she either (sorry for typos)

My ds weaned himself off breast milk slowly. At 12 months, he was having a feed morning and evening, but then stopped the evening feed. At 14 months, he stopped the morning feed too.

Ds1 self-weaned at 8 months too. Was really upset at the time although in retrospect it worked out well for us (was struggling a bit at the time and it was good to get more extended time to myself). Ds2 is now 7 months though and I'm dreading a repeat - he's already showing signs of being less interested in bfing and stuffing himself silly on solids...

Sorry - not very helpful, just a "me too" really.

jingle spots, i have now virtually stopped all b/f, but i still wake sometimes in the morning to dd trying to dig out my boobs! (she gets into our bed in the middle of the night) I put a quick stop to it and she has a little cry and then we go have breakfast.

But a few weeks ago, she was breastfeeding frequently through the night (i have to confess partly cos i find it so hard to wake up properly i was just letting her).

ds still bf - but only for a couple of minutes then loses interest - but i'm still expressing and just giving it to him in a bottle. Its a pain in the arse - but I want him to have the antibodies through the winter at least.

Fran - I have some questions about this sort of thing that you might be able to help me with. Loathe as I am to hijack the thread I will jump in and ask: do you think it's any easier for your DD to stop b/f, now that at least she can understand a bit of an explanation about why she can't any more? I wish I could explain to my DD but she's only 7 months old. Not that I want her to stop entirely, just to cut down a bit. I just feel cruel trying to stop her feeding when she doesn't understand why she shouldn't.

Sorry Xmashampermunker - bad mannered of me.

jinglespots i think i said the same when dd was 7mths. Thats why i got to the point i am now!!

I read about and was told about many children who "self wean" and as you say, rather than taking it away when dd still wanted it and couldn't understand why it was gone, i hoped that eventually she would give up of her own accord.
But with my dd things got worse, at 10mths, she was just having feed before bed and one in the morning. As time went by her sleeping habits got really bad and she was in our bed much of the night and feeding from me frequently (i never woke enough to stop her, just had vague awareness of it.)
I then panicked and stressed both of us about how we must give up, but it was impossible somedays, she'd scream and rip my clothes off until i gave in. (even with three layers of tops on!)
But now thankfully, i have worked hard to keep her well away -which is sad cos for a while we had to avoid cuddles and baths together etc. and i think my milk has virtually dried up, so some days she succeeds to try and gives up after a second.
Sorry to waffle!

My advice to you is think long and hard about what you want. I am not against breastfeeding children to the age of two, i just felt that with my dd things spiralled out of control and needed to be stopped.
If you have a good routine with breastfeeding and your dd is not just using it as comfort, i would not worry if i were you, just be careful not to let "extra" comfort feeds sneak into your routine.
My aim with next baby is to aim to stop at around 6mths, because i feel they can adjust faster at that age. Whereas my dd is old enough to remember even when she hasn't fed for a few days. And i thought the same as you that by the time they are nearly two you can at least give an explanation, which i do, and i know she understands, but it doesn't make a single bit of difference! she still wants the boob, regardless of explanation, bribery, distraction etc.

So sorry to have gone on, just trying to give as much info as i can.

But don't let me panic you like i panicked myself, if you have strict routine with feeds i'm sure most babies would wean themselves, it was due to my inability to wake! that got me in trouble.

Fran, really appreciate those thoughts. Thank you. I think I will try and institute a routine for the first time with my DD... like you, I am not against bf till babies are older but my DD seems so addicted to it at the moment I just find it's impossible for us to spend any time apart. She can't even happily spend time with her Dad. This makes me think that it's going to be really hard to move away from it when the time does come. We'll see how it goes. But your experience has crystallised my concerns and has helped my thinking about this. Hope all continues well with your DD and you. x Spots

I didn't have a strict routine and mixed bottles with breast gradually tapering on and off until I stopped breastfeeding altogether at around 14 months with no problems on either side. It really doesn't have to be traumatic.

tell us how you do it then aloha, i need to know for next baby.

Btw dd had bottles from 4 wks also as i went back to work parttime. So even attempts to substitute breast with bottle didn't work some days.