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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding- I can't do it anymore!

17 replies

GetOffMyTits · 19/10/2023 09:27

I am wanting to stop breastfeeding but my baby loves it and only settles for it. I feel so guilty but I do feel like mentally I am done and that physically I want my body back and to move past it especially now he's started tugging on and off constantly and making my nipples sore again. I have tried a bottle a few times and he isn't keen at all, will take a bit of it but gets distressed and desperately nuzzles into me wanting a breastfeed. He will take formula ok in an open cup but he feeds to sleep for both his naps and his night time feed so unless I can get him on a bottle I don't think I will be able to fully stop breastfeeding. I don't know what or how to do it really and just feel so bad that he wants the warmth and closeness of breastfeeding and that I'm stopping that.

He is 9 months old.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Nosleepforthismum · 19/10/2023 09:34

Mine were bottle fed from birth so I’m afraid I have no practical advice for stopping but just wanted to say well done for breastfeeding for 9 months and please don’t feel guilty for wanting to stop. I have two snuggly affectionate kids so I wouldn’t worry about losing that closeness.

DuploTrain · 19/10/2023 09:35

Don’t feel guilty, you’ve done amazingly to do it for so long.

You can still provide warmth and closeness with cuddles when you stop. I honestly enjoyed cuddles so much more after stopping - I actually had lovely baby cuddles instead of DS just wanting to feed.

I don’t have many practical tips on stopping as my DS was a bit younger when I stopped, and already took a bottle, so I just gradually cut down breastfeeds and did more bottle feeds.

Will he take a bottle from his dad or someone else?

McIntire · 19/10/2023 09:36

I remember that feeling and you’ve done a great job.

Have you tried getting someone else to give him the bottle. If he can smell the breastmilk on you that won’t help

Justtryingtobehelpful · 19/10/2023 09:37

I know it can feel overwhelming. I remember that feeling. I moved to morning and night feeding. I tried to encourage bottles during the day.

Later, I started leaving the house so they couldn't smell me when they were getting a bottle. This was when I started trying to do a night time bottle instead.

Basically, they love breast milk. They will cry for it.

I needed to literally leave the house to get some sanity back. I think I started going to the gym / spa with my friends. Get me away so he knew I wouldn't be there to feed. To teach him some separation.

It's really difficult. Lots of stopping and starting for me. It's very all consuming for the mother. Work on giving yourself some breathing space around it 💚💚💚

Original poster
GetOffMyTits · 19/10/2023 09:52

Thanks all! It does feel really overwhelming! I've been feeling this way for around a month but told myself I'm so close to 12 months that there's no point stopping now, but realistically he isn't going to magically stop breastfeeding at 12 months and switch to cows milk if he hasn't previously even taken a bottle and I can't imagine having to carry on past that. I know it's time to start the transition it's just so hard to go through with it. I gave him a bottle this morning and he was taking it ok, nearly fell asleep so I took him up to his cot and he was hysterical until I gave in and breastfed him. He only fed for a minute and was then fast asleep so it's like he filled up on the milk but needed the comfort of breast to actually fall asleep?! I feel like I should of introduced a bottle months ago and I've made it almost impossible now.

OP posts:
DuploTrain · 19/10/2023 09:55

What about trying a dummy if he’s used to sucking when he falls sleep?

MagpiePi · 19/10/2023 10:02

You don't need to use a bottle feed milk to a 9 month old as an alternative to breastfeeding, he should be able to cope with a sippy cup. Also, if he is having a good solids diet then he shouldn't really need the nutrition from breastmilk either, cows milk should be fine as a drink.(caveated to say this was the advice when mine were babies, which was 20 years ago!)

I gradually cut out all the feeds except bedtime and first thing in the morning, and then did some distraction if they were looking interested in bfing, and gradually cut those two feeds out too. I can still remember the mixed feelings I had the last time I offered a boob to my youngest and he just ignored me.

Miamisun · 19/10/2023 10:03

Here are my tips on what we did:

  • reduce the feeds over time. Work out which one you’re going to stop first. Easiest are mid morning / mid afternoon as you can replace with a snack. Keep a few weeks between dropping each feed to give your milk supply time to adjust and less issue with over producing.
  • Hardest for us was evening before bed but I found I carried on with this till over 1 year as it was only 1 feed.
  • If they wake loads in the night, make a rule you can’t feed them till past 2am and stick to it. Eventually they will stop waking for a comfort feed. Send in dad if possible so they can’t smell the milk.
  • We did the pick up and put down technique to help them settle without the boob. If they are distressed you pick them up. Shhh and rock then pop them back down and pat their back. If they get unsettled you repeat. It’s a gentle method and takes longer than the cry it out but I personally couldn’t do cry it out.
Original poster
GetOffMyTits · 19/10/2023 11:27

MagpiePi · 19/10/2023 10:02

You don't need to use a bottle feed milk to a 9 month old as an alternative to breastfeeding, he should be able to cope with a sippy cup. Also, if he is having a good solids diet then he shouldn't really need the nutrition from breastmilk either, cows milk should be fine as a drink.(caveated to say this was the advice when mine were babies, which was 20 years ago!)

I gradually cut out all the feeds except bedtime and first thing in the morning, and then did some distraction if they were looking interested in bfing, and gradually cut those two feeds out too. I can still remember the mixed feelings I had the last time I offered a boob to my youngest and he just ignored me.

I have wondered this - but everything I read seems adamant it must be breastmilk or formula until one because of the nutrients?

OP posts:
Cowlover89 · 20/10/2023 18:28

MagpiePi · 19/10/2023 10:02

You don't need to use a bottle feed milk to a 9 month old as an alternative to breastfeeding, he should be able to cope with a sippy cup. Also, if he is having a good solids diet then he shouldn't really need the nutrition from breastmilk either, cows milk should be fine as a drink.(caveated to say this was the advice when mine were babies, which was 20 years ago!)

I gradually cut out all the feeds except bedtime and first thing in the morning, and then did some distraction if they were looking interested in bfing, and gradually cut those two feeds out too. I can still remember the mixed feelings I had the last time I offered a boob to my youngest and he just ignored me.

Actually they do still need breastmilk till 1. Saying they don't need the nutrients is ridiculous

DustyLee123 · 20/10/2023 18:29

You’ve done well, I only managed 6 months with mine.

Beamur · 20/10/2023 18:34

If you've had enough that's a good enough reason.
I went back to work when DD was this age, so effectively stopped breastfeeding during the day for 4 days a week.
Stopping is hard if it's not been a natural stage, but perfectly doable. You've done a great job to get to here.
Baby will cry and root when they smell you though and bedtimes will be harder for a while.
Can your partner step up and do bedtime for a few weeks?

Miamisun · 20/10/2023 18:47

Cowlover89 · 20/10/2023 18:28

Actually they do still need breastmilk till 1. Saying they don't need the nutrients is ridiculous

Show quote history

100% agree with @Cowlover89, really outdated info and they do need the nutrients till they are 1 year. If baby was 11 months and it’s was a few weeks away you could swap to cows milk but not before then.

Cakeorchocolate · 30/10/2023 05:34

How are you doing @GetOffMyTits ?

With my first we got the advice that they might take a bottle better from someone other than me. So dh fed them when we did them.
Do you have someone else that could feed yours?
Even if you have some help in the evenings, they could give bottles then to help baby get used to it so they might take it from you easier for future feeds.

Hopefully once they're used to a bottle they might be able to drop the comfort feeds for naps.

Hopefully you're all sorted already and my advice is irrelevant.

MidnightOnceMore · 30/10/2023 05:40

MagpiePi · 19/10/2023 10:02

You don't need to use a bottle feed milk to a 9 month old as an alternative to breastfeeding, he should be able to cope with a sippy cup. Also, if he is having a good solids diet then he shouldn't really need the nutrition from breastmilk either, cows milk should be fine as a drink.(caveated to say this was the advice when mine were babies, which was 20 years ago!)

I gradually cut out all the feeds except bedtime and first thing in the morning, and then did some distraction if they were looking interested in bfing, and gradually cut those two feeds out too. I can still remember the mixed feelings I had the last time I offered a boob to my youngest and he just ignored me.

This is incorrect, outdated advice - main milk source should be formula or breast milk until one.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/weaning-and-feeding/babys-first-solid-foods/

MidnightOnceMore · 30/10/2023 05:42

GetOffMyTits · 19/10/2023 11:27

I have wondered this - but everything I read seems adamant it must be breastmilk or formula until one because of the nutrients?

Show quote history

Yes, it must be breast milk or formula because of the nutrients. If they eat a lot of solids and reduce their intake of formula you must supplement with iron etc. as you should at 1+.

PinkNailpolish · 30/10/2023 05:45

Try a sippy cup instead of a bottle. When babies are being weaned they move onto sippy cups.

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