Writing a bfing help sheet for dads - tips and advice welcome!

[BumperliciousNeedsaGlassofWine]

I am training to be a peer supporter for my local bfing group, and I think that a partner can make or break a bfing experience in a new mum so I thought I would write a help she for new dads with advice, reassurance and tips on how they can help their partner. I'm not sure how to set it out, or the tone to take so any advice welcome.

I was thinking of tips like:

-When your DP sits down to BF she will more than likely want a drink of water. She will want this every time she bfs, but she wil never remember to get it before she sits down so you make have to act as a water bearer for a while

-In the early days your baby will probably be waking up in the night a lot. Although your DP will be feeding the baby and there won't be much you can do to help, she will probably still really appreciate it if you sit up with her to help her feel like she is not doing it alone

-You baby will feed a lot in the early days. It is normal to feel like you are not getting a look in, but there are lots of things you can do to spend time with your baby, you can make bath time your special time together. Also is is widely acknowledged that dads are the best at winding a baby!

What do you think?

Great idea bumper!
One thing I found very helpful especially in the early very sleep deprived days, was to have the odd day or night where I did NOTHING but feed and dad did everything else, dd popped off the boob, I passed her over (and then passed out!) and didn't see her again until the next feed. Helped a lot.

sorry, so what I mean is, suggesting that dads do this every once in a while might be a good tip!

Oh and also, how about the fact that your partner/wife will never tire of talking about bf-ing, please at least pretend to be interested?!

i didn't think they sounded negative? But yes, def not "just give him/her a bottle"!

i think the best thing partners can do is enable the mother to concentrate entirely on the baby and bf, not worry about housework, other children, visitors etc etc.

bumper do you think nct or similar may have published something similiar which you can crib? not that there is anything wrong with yours, but always avoid work if you can i say

Re: night wakings. At the start DH did insist on sitting up with me while I fed. But after a couple of weeks we found this was actually counter-productive as it made us both super-tired. It was better for us if he dozed while I did the night feeds, then he was awake enough to look after DS in the early morning while I had a much-needed lie-in.

With MegBusset on this one. Though in the early days, I loved it when DH did the nappy change and winding associated with feeding (as well as fetching the requisite pint of water, biscuits etc) while I popped DD on the boob.

It's a great idea - well done.

Also (and I don't know how you'd word this so it wouldn't sound a bit patronising), but give positive feedback! In the first hard few weeks, often DH putting his arm round me and telling me what a brilliant thing I was doing really kept me going.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

For the night feeds when the woman is totally knackered, it is good if the man can change the baby's nappy if necessary and if the man can take the baby back from the woman after the feed and put the baby in the moses basket (or wherever) so that the woman does not have to struggle out of bed with a sleeping newborn in her arms.

Agree the man needs to try and take care of everything else like cooking etc so the woman can concentrate on getting bf established.

Thanks for all these pointers so far. MmmMoma what do you mean by negative? Of course, they will all be in a context of how brilliant bfing is, so that might make them not seem so negative.

I agree re the night wakings though, I must admit that was the same for us in the early days, I guess it's more now on the rare occasions when DD wakes up I appreciate it if DH at least offers to get up with me , maybe I can put both sides down.

Also:

-The early stages of bfing often come with ravenous "will eat your arm if you let her" hunger! She will really appreciate if you can bring her snacks while she is feeding. When you go back to work it would be great if you could leave some ready make snacks for your her that she can grab between feeds. A little snack plate with things she can eat easily with one hand will be ideal. Good foods are:
fruit such as raspberries and blueberries
nuts and seeds
sandwiches
biscuits
and of course, the most important food group, chocolate!

-If she hasn't made it already, encourage your partner to go to a bfing group, and go with her if she needs support (most groups will welcome dads too!)

-If your partner is struggling with bfing in any way there are plenty of helpline numbers that you can. This are usually staffed by volunteers and you may get an answerphone to begin with, so it is often helpful if you ring up first for her as it can be difficult for her to gear herself up to speak to someone only to be met by a voicemail.

-There are some excellent websites with information on breastfeeding [insert websites here]. If your partner is having problems it might be really helpful if you can do some research for her.

Message withdrawn

spot on pruners!

and understanding that being upset and emotional re bf-ing does NOT mean she has PND!

(almost as annoying as blaming genuine irritation with dh on PMT )

Something that worked really well for us in the early days was that as soon as DS had had an evening feed (some point after 7.30), I would go to bed, and DH would stay up with DS in the moses basket. When he wanted a feed DH would change him, put him in pjs and grobag and then bring him to me in bed, so that all I had to do was feed him and put him in the moses basket that had been brought upstairs.

If you have a baby that cluster feeds, develop a repertoire of meals which can be eaten one-handed.... DD's babygros were always covered in pasta sauce, but as she fed 5-10, having dinner while she was feeding was the best option.

oh yes habbibu, dh sometimes has to cut my tea up for me!

Don't ever start a sentence with "Well my mum says..."
unless it ends
"...you're doing fantastic work!"

A bit of a personal one this but maybe tell partners/husbands that when starting out with breastfeeding her breasts will be very tender and swollen. These gigantic boobs are Not Sexual Playthings.

And when your sex life resumes breasts may be a bit off-limits as they can be sore, tender, leaky and over-stimulated.

Sorry just realised that doesn't really relate to breastfeeding per se, but may be listed under "associated information"?!

Bumper - I don't like the phrasing about mum getting up to feed in the night and dad sitting with her. It implies that you must sit up to feed. In fact, we should be encouraging mum to lay down with baby in bed to feed. Even if they don't want to co-sleep, this is still the most restful way for everyone. The dad can always take the baby back to the moses basket after the feed.

I have to agree with someone else who said the wording was slightly negative. What I mean is that you are highlighting some things that although are normal, many people view as negative - frequent feeds, night wakings, etc.

If you have a look here: abm.me.uk/website/Microsoft%20Word%20-%20ABM%20Grandparents.pdf you will find the text for our ABM Grandparent's leaflet. It gives information on breastfeding and also answers how grandparents can help. I think this is a good format to use with Dad's as well.

not sure how you could word it but in our house we agreed that I handled goods in and Dh handled goods out. for the term of his maternity leave I barely had to change a nappy as this was his domain.

He also took extra care of things like the washing without being asked.

Dh was very much in charge of getting rid of visitors..(in rl I am a bit shy) so he would say yes you can come but only till 3. then depending on how I was doing he would say thanks for coming looks like baby is going to sleep and I am going to encourage Jen to have a nap too.. Bye.. (bit nicer than this but is the essence.)

Great thing you are doing!!