BF.. not such a joy sometimes? (and a mention of a Swindon bf group)

[Martha200]

I started a thread elsewhere (depression section) and it took me by surprise that other people mentioned not liking bf, though they continued to bf.

I feel like a yo yo very recently and not sure if pnd is setting in. I think I just have an issue over not liking feeding babies all the time when they are small (no matter what method, and for this I feel so

I finally got around to going to a bf support group and the ladies were lovely, very genuine people (even though didn't get a real chance to talk much) but I am not sure if I can go back as I have no clear idea how long I will bf for (taking each week as it comes) and also I express, so in my head have made myself out to be not so good as those who exclusively bf which I am assuming they all do.

Anyway.. any stories where people can relate to negative feelings around feeding. I feel so bad because of course ds2 has to feed, and I do feed him, but at times I find it so hard

Martha, no direct experience of this myself, but just wanted to say that you are COMPLETELY entitled to attend the bf support group. If you felt that it was helpful to you then you should continue to go.

How old is DS2? BFing can be very difficult at the beginning, even the second time around.

Oh sweetpea - its ok.

For a start its a bf support group - there to support you in bf. Its not only for women who are finding it lovely and easy! You are doing a fantastic job and expressing is in no way diminishing that. If its what is helping you to continue to bf, then its a Good Thing for you and your baby.

And wrt to negative feelings, thats ok too. I used to want to screeeeeeam over the hours and hours of sofa-bound feeding. I remember shouting at dd's dad once, "I just want to do all of something, and to do it with two fucking hands!!"

If you have previously had an independent and relatively free life, being tied to another (small and demanding) person is especially hard. Being depended on can take a lot of adjusting to and for me it felt (and still feels now - dd is 5 this month) very claustrophobic and stifling at times. Its all part of adjusting to motherhood and its very difficult, but its pretty normal and isn't at all a reflection on how "good" a mother you are.

Look after yourself, and go back to the group, talk to the women there - you may well find some of them are feeling the same way.

7 weeks.. ds1 was ff (for various reasons was the best decision at the time) so feel like a new mum all over again, which I am as new person to learn about.. and yes felt the group was very genuine

Martha,it's ok to feel less than 100% positive about breastfeeding you know.
Although I did it for a long time,there were lots of occasions when I absolutely hated it and I don't feel bad about that.

Tell us more so we can help you?

Seven weeks is still very early days. Look at it this way - an awful lot of women don't get as far as you have. You've done brilliantly so far, and have done absolutely the right thing in seeking out help and support at the bf group.

I completely agree with StripeyMama about the horrible frustration of bf-ing very little babies - it's a big adjustment to make (and very different from ff-ing, I guess).

I know quite a few people who bf'ed but didn't enjoy it- there is no law that says you must love it! It's an unusual sensation to start with, and some folk just don't like it. I don't think there is any shame in that! Personally I like it because I am a lazy git, and could never get organised enough to make up bottles etc!!

Go to the groups, they really help. Bf is hard to start.

Is it the Bf that is the problem, if not no matter how you feed your baby you will feel the same.

Have you tried a sling, you can do things round the house, go shopping, do your hair etc all while holding/feeding baby.

I go through phases where I love it and others where I really can't stand it for another second and at those times the only thing that keeps me going is speaking to my friend who is a breastfeeding counsellor. It is very difficult when babies are very snall and you spend your entire evening pinned to the sofa and can't do anything else. Agree with other posters re the group - even if the other women aren't saying why they are there, they are there for support and just being with other breastfeeding women can make a big difference in how you feel about it. You are also doing the right thing by giving expressed milk and getting your baby used to a bottle, because I didn't and now my 6 month old won't take a bottle at all. Most women don't breastfeed for any length of time at all, so what you're doing is fantastic and you should be very proud of yourself. It will get easier.

Message withdrawn

Oh martha this is completely normal.

I loathed breast feeding for the most part for months, and used to really resent feeding her all the time. I used to sob through feeds, but I am here still feeding and for the most part enjoying it at 8.5 months.

I used to say "oh FFS she can't be hungry again" (even though she probably was )

It's still early days, plus you have another child which makes things much harder. Do you have a sling which you could bf in? It might free you up a bit.

What is it that you don't like? Is it the physical sensation or just the sheer mundanity and exhaustiveness of it? Feeding in public?

Definitely keep going to the group, it was my salvation and now I am training to be a peer supporter for it. This is someone who used to swear and sob through the early feeds!

I've just seen that you express, do you mean you express to give DS bottles? Is that so you can have a break? I think that is very sensible. Or is it because you are concerned about feeding in public?

I'm not sure what the "rules" are but I express religiously everyday and, not so much any more, but in the early days DH would feed DD EBM at least 2 or 3 times a week and I still say I exclusively breast fed! So don't compare yourself to other woman, they will all have their own story and the ones who look like they are doing really well are probably having meltdowns when they get home!

martha i am still feeding my dd at 3 months...NEVER thought we'd get this far, have hated it on many an occasion and still do. i go to a support group too which has been fab, but like you i was quite unsure of it, and at the time when i was doing formula top ups i was scared to admit it in case i got lynched! now, having spoken to a few of the mums there, hardly any of them have had an easy time of it, a few mix-feed, etc.
i still find feeding very stressful as it's a constant battle to get a good latch with dd and i'm worried re her milk intake/weight gain. i feel like a total beginner, and especially as everyone said it would be better by now. BUT there was one week the leader told me that another girl had looked at ME and thought i was making it look so easy! so don't worry, i'm quite sure quite a few at your group will share and understand how you're feeling

martha, i have also made it to 3 months and i think only through sheer bloody mindedness that i want to bf even though don't really enjoy it (not sure what there is to enjoy?) but do take some pride in myself that i have stuck with it (even though sometimes she takes sooooooooo long) and you should too . I just am not organised enough to ff.

also, you say you have no clear idea how long you will bf for, do you have to? i have never even thought about it i kind of figure between us we'll sort that out someday probably within the 1st year but will take it as it comes

finally, my expressor was the best thing dh ever bought me if i couldn't occassionally give her to someone else to feed i would have gone insane plus ebm just as good as so why not. you also don't have to figure out which formula to give (why do there have to be so many!) which a friend of mine who mixes has had to do.

Martha, i agree with all that's been said. I bf dd for a yr and really enjoyed most of it, except the beginning bit but this time round with ds i've not felt the same at all. We had probs with mastitis to start with but even now at nearly 11 weeks i just don't feel the joy and bonding that i felt with dd.

Tbh I can't wait to start solids and for the feeds to begin drop down- THEN i might enjoy it more.

I have given ff btw, and don't feel guilty about it - although it is much nicer to look at your baby and think 'look how he's grown, I did that all by myself!"

I hope you manage to sort out your feelings esp. if pnd is playing a part but I think you're entirely normal for feeling this way

I really feel for you.

I used to get SO angry at all the older women around me (mum, mil etc) who'd say 'oh isnt breastfeeding WONDERFUL?! I used to really enjoy it!' I'd be sat there at 3am thinking 'no it isnt bloody wonderful. Its hell on earth! Why would anyone want to do this?!' It hurt, I was exhausted and I felt like ds was a leech sucking all my energy and even my will to live at times.

Ds is now 5.5 months and things have changed dramatically. I did persevere with bf and can honestly say I even enjoy it now but in the early days it was horrid.

But I would never criticize anyone for giving up. In fact I think there is FAR too much pressure put on us all to bf. All the stuff re links to eczema and asthma etc. Well for the record, you can make stats say anything and I persevered with bf for just that reason yet ds has just been diagnosed with eczema despite being 100% breastfed and having NO family history of eczema!!!!!!!!!! Just goes to show, nothing is ever black and white!

So, do not beat yourself up! You have done really well to get to this point but formula really isnt poison!!! You DO have options! What you choose is up to you but the way I was made to feel was that I didnt really have a choice. If I was able to bf I should. But the way the hvs seem to change their mind on everything from one year to the next, formula will probably be back 'in fashion' next year!

Keep smiling! The early days are tough in general but it WILL get better! I promise! Just remember its YOUR baby and YOUR life. Do not feel bullied into doing anything you dont want to. Your baby will be just fine regardless! Honestly!

I've had incredibly negative feelings about breastfeeding. It is almost always painful for me and even when it isn't I can feel it and it makes me uncomfortable. I definitely take it one feed at a time and somehow I've got to 7 mths+ with this approach.

I do go to a breastfeeding support group most weeks AND I mix feed with formula as I can't cope with breastfeeding at night and really loathe expressing.

I think that the support group is the one thing that has kept me going so long, that and most of my friend's fed til their child was at least one. I do occasionally get a "look" if I mention bottle feeding but on the whole they are very supportive and if I give up feeding altogether I will miss this.

Thanks for your posts, they really help

Was unable to make it to the BF support group, but I will go back next week, hopefully with a little less stressy baby who appeared to be starving that morning!!

When I saw the bf counsellor last week I told her it was my goal to get to the group and talk to someone about my list of problems/questions with BF but my Csection had kept me from driving, and now I was there I found I was going and didn't have those questions! She was very sweet and said I had done really well to fix them by myself.. and I had to tell her actually no, it was the internet keeping me going.. asking the questions, hearing the replies and making my own judgements etc, so thank you MNetters!

That week I also dropped in at the local pnd group that is run. They have a creche and when I said I wanted to keep ds2 with me because he needed feeding they suggested I feed him then return him to the creche.. I bawled my eyes out as I know how long he can feed and said I would miss the session and was about to leave the building when someone said it was ok to feed him in the group, the idea of the creche was for 'me' time. I then figured how emotional I have got over the feeding and now my visitors have come and gone, I do feel somewhat isolated and scared of boring those I meet face to face. My HV twice on the trot expressed grave concern over his weight (bloody weight was plotted wrong with his age, and that wasn't helping me with confidence over the feeding either.)
It's his 8wk check this afternoon, so if they panic again over weight I refuse to go to clinic for weighing in again, as he is clearly putting weight on to me, loads of dirty nappies, content moments happening more and more.. and have decided to keep a one formula a day for my mental health.. at the moment what we have works, so it doesn't need fixing as such... though my right nipple, wonder if it will EVER be normal again! It took ages to recover from the poor latching on from the start, but now all it takes is a quick mince with the mouth if he has wind and feel in pain again!

I have come to the conclusion I am not abnormal for my feelings, maybe my feelings will improve with time, maybe not, but either way I am doing what I sooo set out to do at the start and am reminding myself there IS a bigger picture out there other than how a baby is fed or not fed!!