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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Should I 'interfere' or not???

15 replies

rascal1979 · 03/03/2008 17:46

My best friend had a baby last month and started of Breastfeeding. However she had concerns within the first week that she was't producing enough milk. Having struggled to get my prem baby to feed for 9 weeks I have read as much as I can on breastfeeding (although no expert!) I offered her loads of support.

However when she said that she was so concerned that she has been expressing and giving baby a bottle of EMB at least once a day - within the first week of birth - I was really concerned. I didn't know how to gently say don't cos it could interfere with her milk supply and also the risk of nipple confusion and not advised to express so soon after delivery.

In the end I just kept trying to reassure her that she would have enough milk and the more baby fed the more she would produce to meet demand. She had the baby blues so didn't want to make her feel inadeuate or that she was doing something 'wrong'.

I spoke to her again today (Baby is now 2 weeks old and gaining weight ) and she mentioned that she is giving her LO a bottle of water cos she is thirsty and was dehydrated. It was only a quick conversation so not sure if she has done this on the advice of the midwife or HV or has just decided to do it herself.

Don't want to sound condescending to her or make her feel she is inadequate but I don't want to not advise her and then it go tits up (excuse the pun) and she ends up stopping breastfeeding cos she really wants to breastfeed.

I didn't say anything about her giving water as didn't know what to say.

OP posts:
theUrbanDryad · 03/03/2008 17:51

in this situation i would say something along the lines of "I never gave water as i everything i read said i didn't need to if i was breastfeeding." or you could suggest she has a look in her red book, where it definitely says you don't need to give anything else, even in hot weather.

failing that i would leave well alone tbh, or maybe suggest that if she's worried she should phone one of the bf-ing support lines (LLL, NCT or similar)

HTH

tiktok · 03/03/2008 17:55

Oh dear...how difficult.

How about being honest and open with her, rascal, and say 'this is difficult for me to say, as you are a great friend and I don't want you to feel bad......but can I just share something with you that I know about breastfeeding that could help you?'

And be kind and patient, and don't apologise or be tentative about your knowledge....none of this 'I could be wrong, and I'm no expert, and you know your baby best....' and all that. Her baby does not need water and she is risking her continued breastfeeding by giving it. If her HV or midwife advised it, they are wrong. If her baby is thirsty and needs fluids, she need breastmilk, which is something like 90 per cent water anyway! If her baby is really dehydrated, then she needs hospital treatment, in fact.

Tell her it's been praying on your mind, and you wouldn't want her to think you kept something from her because you were scared to raise it with her!

StarlightMcKenzie · 03/03/2008 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsWaggsnapps · 03/03/2008 19:15

How about saying that you believed it is a bad idea and then see if you can persuade her to ring BfN or LLL helplines for advice on supply issues. If she is managing to express then she must have plenty.

Do bear in mind that tho she may want to breastfeed she may well be finding it very difficult and this may be her way of stopping without feeling bad about it.

Do you have a BF group or counsellor near you/her? I found that sort of weekly advice and support invaluable.

OneHandedTypist · 03/03/2008 19:22

i'd b blunter than others are suggesting -- "Are u sure that's safe? I thought it was dangerous to give tiny babies plain water because their kidneys can't cope, and it interferes with maternal milk supply and weight gain"

I would need that direct an approach myself if u really wantd my attention, too.

tiktok · 03/03/2008 23:01

But you can't claim it damages their kidneys, OHT - it's just not true! You may have a point about grabbing someone's attention, but not with something like that, which will just terrify her if she's already given it.

(I think you're getting mixed up with rice or rusks in the bottle of a young baby - that can damage the kidneys)

OneHandedTypist · 04/03/2008 11:55

May not be true, although a lot of websites say is. Not trying to sound horrid, but at the end of the day you're just another anon. poster on this forum, tiktok, we only have your say so on what you say. So you're as reliable/unreliable as every other Internet source.

So at the end of the day OP will only pass on 'what she heard' from friends or on the Internet.

If the listener then replies "My doctor suggested it" then they aren't going to care what else anyone thinks, anyway.

nappyaddict · 04/03/2008 12:22

could you invite her round to yours and persuade her to ring lll or nct and ask them. if she hears it from a "professional" rather than hearsay off the internet she might take more notice.

terramum · 04/03/2008 12:39

OHT - why would water damage a baby's kidneys when BM is mostly water....it just doesn't follow

tiktok · 04/03/2008 12:39

OneHandedTypist, of course anyone should check what I say against other sources. As you say, this is the internet and I could be anyone

But show me one reliable and well-referenced website that tells mothers that giving water to their babies means their kidneys can't cope.

I won't even ask you to show me 'a lot' of websites that say this - one will do.

You may have thought I was out of order, but you needed to be challenged - many mothers give their babies water, totally unnecessarily in my view, and with a risk to their breastfeeding, but they do not need to worry they have damaged their babies' kidneys.

I'm sure you meant to help, and I'm sorry if I offended you, but....sheesh.

Lulumama · 04/03/2008 12:42

have never read anything that suggests water can damage babies kidneys..but offering a bottle of water can interefere with the milk supply being established..

a baby's tummy is so small that it does not need filling with anything other than milk...which is thirst quenching anyway

OneHandedTypist · 04/03/2008 13:13

I wont try 2 help again

Lulumama · 04/03/2008 13:22

there is nothing wrong with trying to help, but giving incorrect and frightening information can be counterproductive.

tiktok · 04/03/2008 17:51

OneHanded, why on earth take offence?

I pointed out the fact you'd given some scary advice that was likely to terrify someone - you could have said, 'oh, thanks, tiktok, must have got this one wrong'....instead you get on your high horse, claim you have seen this stuff on 'lots' of websites (and I'm still waiting for you to quote any website that says water damages a baby's kidneys), and take the huff!

Blimey!

Guitargirl · 04/03/2008 20:08

To the OP: I would definitely say something about the water - I don't think that would be interfering.

But to be honest, I don't see anything wrong with an occasional bottle of EBM - she's expressing so still keeping up her supply and if baby is latched on ok to the breast then the odd bottle of EBM isn't going to result in nipple confusion. Am no expert and can only speak from my own experience of breastfeeding so obviously limited: DD was exclusively breastfed till 6 months, we didn't give her a bottle as I was afraid of nipple confusion. When she was 8 months and I was returning to work I would have paid anyone who could get her to take a bottle. Now she is 14 months has never had a bottle and tbh if we have another child I might introduce a bottle of EBM earlier. DD is still addicted to the breast - and it can be exhausting sometimes!

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