DD2 is just over two weeks old. She’s generally a very happy baby. Quick delivery, no complications. I suffered from quite severe post natal anxiety and depression with DD2 who is 5, but this time I’ve felt a million times better.
We got off to a great start with breastfeeding but I’m not sure what to do now. She’s being sick a lot. Sometimes straight after a feed, sometimes an hour or more later. Sometimes just milk, sometimes curdled. Several times a day and getting worse. I’ve seen a specialist feeding midwife and she told me it’s probably just a case of positioning and my fast let down/oversupply and it’ll be fine soon. She also said she has a slight posterior tongue tie.
The latch and positioning is hard work. It was easy and pain free with DD1 but since I had her gravity has not been my friend and my boobs are now saggy and my nipples are so low, so the initial latch I can manage but it gets shallower as the feed goes on. I’ve got a crack at the edge of my nipple where it meets the areola. She clicks during the feed at times which I know can’t be good. I’m starting to dread each feed due to pain and also knowing she will bring a lot of it back up.
Daytime is fine but nighttime is a real struggle because of the whole holding her upright for 30mins after a feed thing. I get so tired. By the time I’ve fed her, held her upright, changed her nappy and settled her back down, she wants to feed again. I try not to change the nappy too often but she’s always done a poo and it’ll leak if I don’t do it at least twice.
I try and only feed on side at a time as feeding both usually ends up in a huge amount of milk coming back up. The right side the latch is better but the let down is really fast. The left side is problematic but the let down is better. Neither side is more likely to result in her being sick - both seem to do it.
With my first I ended up with prolonged PND because she refused a bottle and she was a terrible sleeper. She was BF for two years and I got very little sleep. So we’ve already tried a bottle with DD2 and she’s taken it well.
I’ve thought about moving to formula either gradually or just straight away. I’ve thought about it every day, several times a day. I’ve thought about how it’ll prevent bottle refusal. How it’ll mean my DH can share night feeds. How I’ll get to spend more time with DD1. How it might help with the sickiness as I could get the anti-reflux formula and pace the feeds better, monitor intake etc.
I don’t judge formula feeding at all. I think it’s a completely valid choice and before DD1 I was never that fussed about breastfeeding. Yet I go the supermarket and I stand in the aisle and I can’t bring myself to buy it. I hate how it smells, I fear formula-fed poos, I worry it’ll make the reflux worse. I worry that longer term I will find it a faff compared to breastfeeding which I know from first hand experience can be so easy.
I know I’m rambling but I just feel so frustrated. I am an overthinker at the best of times. Very indecisive. Here I go again, not able to decide what to do. I wish someone could just tell me what the best decision is. But logically I know that no one has a crystal ball and no one can tell me what the right decision is.
This will be my last baby and I don’t want to regret anything. I’ve found myself quite teary about it all.
Not sure why I’m posting really. Grateful for any advice but also appreciate no one can tell me what to do.