Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Breastfeeding and formula guilt

34 replies

Hannouck · 28/08/2023 19:49

I have been EBF my 2 weeks old daughter. But when my milk came in things got complicated as I have an overactive letdown and oversupply.

She has been chocking on my milk countless times including once where she turned blue and really scared me. Since then it's been a nightmare, I have to express a bit of milk before, feed her in a laid back position, and listen to her very carefully so I can stop her before she drinks too much too fast. It's far from being relaxing or enjoyable nor for me, nor for her. After each feed she would feel uncomfortable, arching her back and we can clearly see she's struggling with digestion. She also get hiccups every single time! Even though I make sure to keep her upright for a minimum of 15 min.

Anyway, after crying for hours and days, I've finally decided to switch to formula progressively. But I feel so much guilt over it which I never thought I would! I always said that I would BF only if it goes well and it's enjoyable, but clearly when you have that tiny human in your arms you forget everything you said...

My choice is made so no need to hear "have you tried xyz" but I wanted to see how some of you have dealt with the guilt? I feel like I'm failing her and not giving her what's best for her!

OP posts:

Mystro202 · 31/08/2023 16:44

Would you try combi feeding? I've done it with all four of mine and it has really worked well. My baby is about the same age as yours. Sometimes I give her a bottle of formula and other times I pump and give her a bottle of breastmilk. At night I find she likes to settle on the boob and I enjoy that one on one time with her while the other dcs are in bed. Don't feel guilty , at the end of the day once baby is fed and thriving that's all that matters!

tedybear · 31/08/2023 16:47

I had the same attitude as u. Try it and it works then great if it doesn't then it's formula. I actually planned to combi feed eventually.

I didn't really have any guilt when we stopped. It was relief, I was just glad we were both happier.

Second time round tried again and lasted a couple of days before I switched to formula. For some folk it's easy for others it isn't. I wasn't putting myself through all that again.

There's nothing to feel guilty about. I bet you and baby are both happier and that's all that matters.

Twizbe · 31/08/2023 16:53

congrats on your baby. Over supply is no joke.

Before you make the switch I’d give the NCT infant feeding line a ring. It’s ok to feel any emotion you feel. The qualified person on the line will listen to your feelings and let you talk about them. The best way to deal with these emotions is to talk to someone non judgement who won’t try to problem solve.

Secondly they can help you with evidence based information around how to stop. With an oversupply issue it’s important that you make the swap slowly and allow your supply to regulate down. You run the risk of mastitis if you stop cold turkey.

You might find that replacing one feed with a bottle (either collected via a Haakaa type thing or formula) and not expressing that feed might start the process of reducing your supply. It might be enough of a relief to keep you combination feeding IF you want to.

StolenCookie · 07/09/2023 23:03

I understand. Breastfeeding didn’t work out for me and ended up being a source of agonising guilt and depression for a while. I felt like I was denying my baby something crucial and precious and feeding him formula felt like a phenomenal failure. The first few times/days of giving formula is going to feel quite uncomfortable and upsetting, but I promise that with time it will not hold anywhere near the level of importance that it does now. As time passes you will see that your baby is growing happy and healthy and perfect without breast milk, and seeing them reach all their milestones and grow into little people is (at least it was for me!) what will slowly reassure you that you didn’t do anything to let down or harm your baby.

Original poster

Hannouck · 08/09/2023 06:28

Update: I'm now EFF and it has been the best thing I could have done for the both of us... It was hard indeed at first, it felt like I was giving her poison 😳 But in the end, she's super happy and healthy and my mental health is 10x better!

Thanks everyone for your feedback and support 🙏🏼

OP posts:

Parker231 · 08/09/2023 12:12

Hannouck · 08/09/2023 06:28

Thanks everyone for your feedback and support 🙏🏼

Congratulations - now to start enjoying your new baby. DT’s only had formula and they have turned out perfect. No health, allergies or weight issues that people scare you about. Formula is amazing for babies - healthy babies and happy parents.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 08/09/2023 16:17

Well done OP. Its important to remember that you matter too, and what you need to do for your mental health is the best.

pythongreenporsche · 08/09/2023 16:23

Breastfeeding grief and trauma by Amy Brown- it's exceptionally helpful. Love to you OP

Myrightboob · 08/09/2023 18:24

Hannouck · 08/09/2023 06:28

Thanks everyone for your feedback and support 🙏🏼

I’ve just found this thread OP and coincidentally today I made the decision to phase out exclusively breastfeeding my 2.5week old for the exact same reason as you. She had her first bottle of formula earlier and I’m pumping too. I am emotional today but I know it’s the right decision. Your thread and your update has really helped me. Thank you.

Flip

1 2