Weaning a breastfed baby

[PronounsBaby]

My little is 18mo and I am physically and emotionally ready to stop breastfeeding. She however, is still very demanding if I am around.

Night time is most difficult as we share a bed and she wants a feed before sleeping and uses me for comfort about twice in the night/early morning. I offer a dummy but she is not impressed.

Id like to get my body anatomy back and I am very sore. I love the closeness but get just the same feeling of love from a cuddle.

Some times I just feel like I'm boobs to her... I want her to associate me with other things too.

Id like to wean her as gently and in the least traumatic way possible.

Anyone have any advice /methods/wisdom/books they could share please?

For is it was impossible while bed sharing, so I sleep trained using a gentle method, we basically changed to the DC starting the night in their own cot for a few weeks but would then bring them in. Then when they were used to going down in their cot, we swapped to DH dealing with the night wakings, it took 3 nights. DH would go in and say ‘oh no not mummy now, she’s asleep, look’ and bring them in to show them I was ‘asleep’ and then he sat with them whilst they resettled. The first night was 2 hours of crying, 2nd night 15 mins, 3rd night 5 mins but not crying just a conversation and then they went to sleeping through 12 hours. 18 months is a good age to do it.

Put a bra or crop top on and say no. Don’t give in, she’s just using you as a dummy. Don’t let her.

I don’t have experience night weaning a toddler but I think @Hollyheadadvice is great. You can “replace” your boob with a favourite toy to cuddle for comfort (or introduce one if DD doesn’t have one already).
As for during the day I mainly took a “don’t offer, don’t refuse” approach but I would offer an alternative at times I knew he liked to feed. Eg morning wake up I’d offer a yoghurt pouch, something I knew he liked, he still got something to suck and it filled him up. My sister offered biscuits / crackers. I am aware that the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” isn’t ideal for all children and you may need to be a bit more forceful “no milk now, we can have milk later… oo look at this puzzle” or “we can have cuddles now and milk later” or whatever.

@DustyLee123 OP said she was looking to wean “the least traumatic way possible”. And c’mon, are we really still saying babies use their mothers as dummies? A dummy is a fake nipple FGS. OP is fully aware her daughter sucks for
comfort and she has tried a dummy.

@PurBal When you say "Don't offer, don't refuse" you mean let her feed when she asks?
I don't offer at all during the day, only when going to sleep. Even then it is led by her and she is demanding it. I'm strict with her pulling down my top and say when I've had enough (because of pain or her trying to stand on her head while feeding! 🙄)

I am definitely 'putting her off' and distracting as much as possible but it's the first thing she wants when she sees me and won't stop asking until I let her.

@Hollyhead I think your right about bed sharing, I need to get her room sorted to stop feeding at night

@DustyLee123 I do sometimes are a top with a higher neck to try and stop the twiddling and she knows to take her hand out when I ask her to. She's quite good with that but the habit is build in!

I weaned my first at this age OP. I read the book "Booby Moon" every day for about two weeks. If you search it on YouTube you can see someone read the book through before you buy it. There's instructions at the end of the book for a way to wean that involves releasing a balloon etc but I didn't do that. It talks about how babies need milk, but now the character is a big girl who can play with a ball, eat with a spoon etc they don't need it and it's time to send the milk "back to the moon" so it can be used for new babies. My DD loved the book and would ask for it multiple times a day, I think because it was the first time she'd seen BF in a book!

I started with night weaning. The character in the book asked for milk and night and the mum explains the milk doesn't wake at night now and offers water and a cuddle so that's what I did. She cried in my arms in bed for a few mins the first time and then fell asleep. Next night less than a minute. Next night she woke up, and was instantly settled just by my cuddling her. I still offered milk in the morning and before bed.

I got rid of the morning milk next just by getting straight up and going downstairs for breakfast. The bedtime feed I then actually replaced with a very SPECIAL bottle (she'd never had one before) with a little cows milk in that was only for daddy put downs. So suddenly she was going to bed with daddy and drinking that instead!

Whole process took about 6 weeks and felt very gentle for us all.

@headcheffer thanks head! That's a lovely way to do it and along the lines of what I am hoping for. I will look into that book

Look up Emma Pickett on Instagram she’s an expert in weaning, particularly of older nurselings.

She has some great information on how to keep the closeness etc while also putting in your boundaries.

Just to add my approach didn’t change any closeness at all, they’re 9 and 12 now and have just finished their daily ‘hug in bed’ they have with me! I think the 12 year old will stop soon but he still does come in every day for a minute!

@Hollyhead that's so lovely to hear! 💜

@headcheffer what a lovely way to do it
@PronounsBabybasically yes, there info if you Google it. DS wean this was by 13 months. But I know it’s not for everyone, my nephew is 14 months and still very much interested!

Have you had a look at Dr Jay Gordon's gentle night weaning method?

I think in your shoes I'd start with moving her to her own room then trying his method