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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Struggling massively to give up breastfeeding

17 replies

Summermeadowflowers · 17/08/2023 14:45

Title a bit misleading as I’m not actually breastfeeding but I am expressing milk for my 4 week old baby.

It is miserable, as anyone who has expressed knows, exhausting and very very hard to do especially with a toddler thrown into the mix. I know logic screams just to give up and give formula, but I just can’t seem to give in yet.

OP posts:
Twizbe · 18/08/2023 06:28

Congrats on your baby.

Can I ask why you’re expressing? Have you been to a breastfeeding group / called a helpline to see if you can feed directly from the breast?

Summermeadowflowers · 19/08/2023 07:34

Oh, I’ve tried everything @Twizbe , trust me. She just won’t / can’t. I’ve got a hospital pump which is a double so reduces the time I’m spending expressing, so that’s something. It’s still a complete pain though.

OP posts:
Twizbe · 19/08/2023 08:44

It can still be worth chatting to the helplines to get a plan to reduce your expressing and move to formula.

it’s not a good idea to go cold turkey as your supply is still establishing and that could lead to mastitis.

Summermeadowflowers · 19/08/2023 10:24

Oh I’m not planning on reducing expressing - I know I probably should but I’m just not ready to ‘give up.’

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 19/08/2023 10:25

Summermeadowflowers · 19/08/2023 07:34

Oh, I’ve tried everything @Twizbe , trust me. She just won’t / can’t. I’ve got a hospital pump which is a double so reduces the time I’m spending expressing, so that’s something. It’s still a complete pain though.

you said youve tried everything, but have you had a breastfeeding expert in to help you?

RaidFlySpray · 19/08/2023 10:27

Half an hour with a breastfeeding consultant can make a massive difference. I was so sceptical because it seemed so impossible, but you never know...

Borgonzola · 19/08/2023 10:29

I got a lactation consultant to my house. It changed everything. I went from not knowing if I would make it to 6 weeks to still feeding my 13 month old. If you can find the money, just try it, and if it's really not for you, then you know you've tried.

Summermeadowflowers · 19/08/2023 10:34

yes Have done that - trust me, I will have tried it.

OP posts:
Summermeadowflowers · 19/08/2023 10:34

And it cost a fortune!

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inomniaparatis · 19/08/2023 10:37

I'm sure you'll have tried this but I was in a similar position exclusively pumping for the first couple of weeks until a midwife suggested nipple shields to me. Suddenly my baby was able to latch where she couldn't before and I was able to stop expressing other than once a day (which was my own choice so my husband could do a bottle).

Parker231 · 19/08/2023 10:38

Summermeadowflowers · 17/08/2023 14:45

Title a bit misleading as I’m not actually breastfeeding but I am expressing milk for my 4 week old baby.

It is miserable, as anyone who has expressed knows, exhausting and very very hard to do especially with a toddler thrown into the mix. I know logic screams just to give up and give formula, but I just can’t seem to give in yet.

Why don’t you feel you can give in if you’re miserable? You are making it sound as you perceive formula as a negative instead of an amazing alternative.
DT’s only ever had formula - feeding was a lovely time - happy, stress free.

ncedforthisprofessionalquestion · 19/08/2023 11:02

It is time-consuming, and you are completely entitled to give it up, as it is hard. However, these are things I did, if you are looking to stick with it.

I expressed for 14 months, as baby refused the breast. Baby was born prematurely, and I guess I wanted to make sure that although my body had failed them dreadfully before, I would at least try to do this for them, to help strengthening their immune response, etc. Baby was 7 months exclusively fed with my milk and then combination-fed until turning one year old corrected.

You want to go hard in the beginning to build up supply. If you want to sustain baby's complete diet, as it will be a few months down the road, you need to get to a production of around 900ml per day. I was ill advised and did not build up sufficiently in the beginning, and always produced around 800ml, so at some point baby's appetite started to outpace me, and I started supplementing with formula. I pumped 7/8 times a day in the very beginning. The moment you have established production, things get easier. You can drop the 3AM session, and easily go down to maybe 6 sessions a day, 15 mins each. Double-pumping is key, and hospital-grade stuff, too. So it is great, you have all that already. (However, not all brands are created equal. I got only 70% of my Medela output using Ardo, while having the same regime. See which one works for you.)

I would feed baby the bottled milk, then pump as soon as they were asleep again. I did a couple of extra pumps (often shorter ones) in the evening (when DP could help out, after work), to mimic cluster feeding to build up supply. I had one 6 hr sleeping break a night (3AM-9AM) where DP was on baby duty (he slept 9PM-3AM). I then used to have a 30-40 min pump (would be engorged), while he took care of baby and breakfast before work. This would provide the surplus milk for DPs night shift. I was able to do all this, because DP was hugely supportive of me giving breastmilk. Without him, things would have been much, much more difficult. I also had the massive advantage of no other children to look after, as baby was my first.

Perhaps purchase additional pumping sets so you don't have to sanitise in between, but can do it once a day in one burst (DP's job). I had 16 individual ones, so 8 sets. The expense was well worth the time-saving.

I also moved to a moveable pump, buying a bra that held it securely into place, so I could pump during cooking, when a passenger in the car, etc. I even pumped once in a restaurant like this (under a thick jumper). Whenever DP would drive somewhere, I would get in a pump. Going mobile was an utter game changer, as I hated being mid-pump and having to detach because of baby waking up crying, etc.

I became shameless about pumping in public. I pumped in front of my dad, brother, male friends, FIL, BIL, everyone. I pumped at the dining table during family dinners, movie nights and shared car journeys. I had previously been prudish, but parked that insecurity at the door. Having the tight pumping bra helped, as it obscured quite a bit, I also wore male botton-up shirts for that year, which hid stuff well. The fact my family supported this was so helpful. And I am very grateful to them for normalising it. Everyone was Team Baby, and we all tried to get baby bigger and stronger.

It was a tough time, but I feel happy that I stuck it out. I counted down the months. First trying to get to three, then to six, and eventually to a full year corrected, when we introduced cow's milk.

Summermeadowflowers · 19/08/2023 11:19

Thanks so much for that @ncedforthisprofessionalquestion . It is hard going but like you it’s important to me. That’s really helpful, I’ll know myself when it’s time to give up. (Yes have tried nipple shields!)

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ncedforthisprofessionalquestion · 19/08/2023 11:27

There is such little knowledge about pumping, sadly, even among experts. I was astonished to only find out halfway through the year about multiple letdowns per pumping session. When nothing would come out anymore, I thought this is it. Only to find out later, you would get a second wind. Quitting for ten minutes and then pumping again for a final ten minutes also helped buttress supply.

Basically, the first 12 weeks are key in terms of establishing the right level of supply. Afterwards, increasing it becomes way more difficult.

I really hope things work out for you!

Summermeadowflowers · 19/08/2023 11:29

Thank you - one month in and I’m very much taking it a day, week at a time! She may latch yet but I doubt it to be honest and I’ve lost confidence in my ability to feed her Sad

OP posts:
Serenissima90 · 19/08/2023 11:34

Borgonzola · 19/08/2023 10:29

I got a lactation consultant to my house. It changed everything. I went from not knowing if I would make it to 6 weeks to still feeding my 13 month old. If you can find the money, just try it, and if it's really not for you, then you know you've tried.

Many people, like myself, have tried expensive lactation consultants, tongue tie specialists, cranial osteopathy, every type of nipple shield under the sun, power pumping, every feeding position, hours and hours of skin to skin, you name it, and the baby still won't latch. Saying "have you tried xyz?" just gets infuriating after a certain point.

ncedforthisprofessionalquestion · 19/08/2023 12:04

Don't feel discouraged. You are doing the best you can! The fact you have tried numerous things already and stuck with it for a month is amazing! Some babies just aren't as easy to feed as others. I hope your partner is helping you. That made such a difference for me.

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