When breastfeeding isn’t easier by 3 months

[Worrysaurus]

I’m looking for some stories of later success with establishing bf. Appreciate I may be looking for a unicorn here.

We had a very tough start with tongue ties (divided at 2 weeks and 9 weeks and reattached both times, despite regular exercises - albeit with more movement each time). By 6 weeks, baby had a flow preference, but I kept going with trying to latch him. Unfortunately, by 8 weeks, he became a staunch bottle refuser, but also got frustrated at lack of flow at the breast, so I began dream-feeding him. Somehow, we’ve made it to 13 weeks and he is exclusively fed at the breast. He is gaining weight, albeit very slowly creeping down the centiles (from 44th to 26th between weeks 6 to 13). I still express 4x a day to keep my supply in addition to feeding the baby, but it’s so demoralising when he won’t take the EBM, which I keep persisting with every day.

Ive had lots of support from IBCLCs and a great osteopath, but still unable to break the shallow latch. I don’t want to divide the tie again, given how quickly it attached the last two times. He also has multiple allergies, so I’m on a very restricted diet and hungry all the time.

Im just really exhausted and need to see an end in sight to this dreamfeeding. I currently have no time for my toddler or anything other than feeding, holding baby upright and pumping.

Is there anyone here for whom bf improved after the 3 month mark?

Hi, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time! I had similar with my youngest, multiple tongue tie divisions, poor weight gain, very painful feeding and mastitis for me. I'll be honest, it wasn't until they were 5/6 months that I'd say it clicked and all our issues went away. It's so hard, and such a slog and I'm really glad we kept going as we're still bfing now. It was awful though st the time and I ended up with pnd as I was so worn down with it all. Look after yourself and do what's best for you and baby

Thank you for sharing this. Weirdly, it’s given me some hope that things did turn a corner for you. Did you revise the tongue tie or just let it be? And how did you manage your supply when things weren’t great? I’m really struggling mentally - on a high dose of domperidone; pumping 4x a day, as I really can’t keep 8x a day going, but it’s so difficult, as baby feeds best when breasts feel fuller, so timing the pumps is always a challenge given the short intervals between feeds. Any tips for survival?

No problem, I remember searching for similar experiences when I was going through it!
We ended up leaving it (had it done twice) as I didn't think it was helping the situation plus I found it more upsetting as they were older and more aware of what was happening.
In terms of supply, we did initially do triple feeding (boob, bottle, pump) as she wasn't gaining weight, so I think the pumping helped a bit? And then just fed on demand but made sure we never went more than 3 hours without a feed, apart from at night as they were actually a decent sleeper! I think trying to consume as many calories as you can and keeping hydrated in line with your little ones allergies is important. Do you definitely think it's your supply that is low or more poor transfer of milk? I ended up following lots of instagram accounts with lactation consultants really helpful too!
It's one of those things where I knew we could do it and that it would be worth it in the end, but it was so hard to get there. I was so jealous of my friends who had no issues with bfing. My first was a tricky first few weeks but clicked so much faster.

Thank you. My supply is decent and was great to start with when I was exclusively pumping / triple feeding, but it’s quite sensitive to demand and the issue is his poor milk transfer which causes the dips in my supply. That’s the reason I’m still pumping 4x a day to keep my supply a bit higher than his demand in the hope that one day his demand will increase, as he becomes more efficient. I try my best to feed on demand, but sometimes he gets so flustered at not being able to stay latched when awake. Oddly, he transfers pretty well when asleep, but needs to be the exact right level of asleep. Sleepy enough not to care too much waiting for a letdown, but lightly enough that he will still latch. Like your little one, he is also a decent sleeper, so getting him to feed at night is a real struggle, as he is often too drowsy to latch. I hear you on the jealousy - I feel it so much. Also just intensely sad that I can’t enjoy this phase of him being a baby.

Op I had this with my first, and it started to improve (ever so slowly) at the 13 week mark. And by 16 weeks we were finally there. It was a poor latch for us. I think my little one was finally big enough to latch properly or finally just 'got' it. Looking back I still shudder as it was quite traumatising.

Is your little one doing enough wet and dirty nappies each day? If they are could you slowly reduce the amount of pumping you do?

You have done amazingly well to persevere, do whatever is right for you.

I had the same too! Diagnosed with a tongue tie at 14 weeks and a shallow latch. We really got things going at about 4.5 months! Lots of dreamfeeding before then! You’ll get there!

6 months for us!

Yes! I think it was 16 weeks when I realised it was easy and pain free, but it definitely got gradually easier before that.

I was told repeatedly by various HCPs that ds1 didnt have a tongue tie but suspect he actually did, anyway he grew bigger, his mouth was bigger and feeding issues resolved.

I was adamant that I wouldn't put myself through it again with ds2 but different baby, different experience - it was easy from nearly the start.

Thanks all for giving me some hope. @Snowangel23 - wow! Was it just a case of the latch taking time? And how did you cope?

It's so so so so hard!! Well done. I hope you're freezing the EBM so it's not wasted he'll take it at some point even if it's when he's weaning mixed in with food.

DS1 had a borderline tongue tie which we chose not to divide, having been advised he’d eventually learn to latch. Bleeding nipples aside it wasn’t nearly as hard as what you describe and his weight gain was okay. Nevertheless it was about 16 weeks before it wasn’t agony.

About 8-12 weeks for us. DS obtained milk beautifully and piled on the pounds, but I was in agony due to his missed TT. Even after that he struggled to use his tongue properly - I looked up 'infant sucking exercises' to get him using his tongue properly to draw the nipple in, which he'd struggled to do before. Eventually made it and absolutely so so glad we persevered - didn't stop till 2.5 years!

With my second child, it took us 5 months to get to a good place. She was a bottle refuser too and also didn't have a great latch, she'd cough and splutter and be on and off the boob for every feed (except the night ones when she was super sleepy). She also dropped from the 75th to 25th percentile which caused me a lot of stress. I tried every position and watched so many videos. I think all that changed was that she grew into it and at around the 5 month mark, she started to latch well and we've continued to breastfeed into toddlerhood.

I was really disheartened because with my first, we got the hang of things after just a few weeks (and that was with a tongue tie snip) and so I was expecting the second time to be the same, or easier. But I've realised that it's a new and different journey with each child and essentially it's a new skill that both mother and baby need to master and it takes longer for some than others.

You've done amazingly, hang in there. It will hopefully get better as your lo gets older. Good luck!

Thanks all so much for sharing your experiences. While each bf dyad is different, it does give me some hope that it isn’t all over if we haven’t sorted our feeding out by now.

I’m no longer in pain, but our issue is really more that he gets frustrated, even when I have full breasts, and doesn’t suck for a letdown, unless asleep.

Did your babies fuss a lot at the breast and feed very sporadically? And given shallow latches, I assume at least some of them may have been inefficient feeders. If so, what did you do to maintain your supply?

@Aria2015 @PurBal @ditalini @ditalini any tips for surviving the phase where they don’t latch well. Did you express to protect your supply or worry much about supply at all or did you just feed on demand? My little guy gets so frustrated at the breast, that I can only feed while asleep and if he wakes up, the feed is ruined, so I express to empty. I would stop expressing, but given his weight gain is trending down, I’m not convinced his current feeding reflects his true demand and I’m scared of losing my supply. Perhaps a bit paranoid about this. I really thought the triple feeding days would be behind us by 3 months :(.

I'm not sure I can be much help with your specific situation ☹️

Ds1 was able to get what he needed to stay on the 50th centile. It was me who suffered with bleeding nips, regular mastitis and over supply.

I did pump a lot (partly responsible for the over supply probably) because of the times I just couldn't face feeding directly, and also because I had at the back of my mind that I might just have to give up.

Have you tried cup feeding? I had some success with that with ds2 who was good at feeding but a bottle refuser.

@Worrysaurus I expressed, I found it more comfortable than a poor latch. So if I needed to abandon the feed I’d have expressed milk, then I’d express for about 15 minutes. I didn’t do it to empty personally. And tips for getting through “perseverance”, unhelpful I know.

I also had bleeding and blistered nipples and just cried through the pain.

Thanks @ditalini and @PurBal. Did you pump 6-8 times a day even at 13-14 weeks? I’m pumping 4x a day, rather than at every feed. Have noticed a drop in my supply, but still have enough for trying supplements and to put away in the freezer.

I tried but I only ever had “enough” once feeding was “established”.