Really messed up breastfeeding - arghh!

[Summermeadowflowers]

DD is 3 weeks old. I’ve had problems latching her from the start and also she is very snoozy (I am not complaining but …) and despite changing nappies etc she just kept falling asleep on the breast. When she could latch she would quickly lose it and got frustrated.

I got a lactation consultant to help and she suggested nipple shields. These sort of work in the sense they enable her to latch but I don’t think she gets much milk through them and again gets very frustrated and loses the latch and cries. So I’ve mostly been expressing for her and topping up with formula. But obviously she’s used to bottles now.

I am just wondering if it’s inevitable she’s going to be bottle fed or if we can get back on track somehow?

My baby was similar. Sleepy, wouldn't latch, ended up expressing and giving bottles a lot. Over time, he got less sleepy and learnt to latch and I gradually reduced the bottles.

Expressing is good because it helps your supply. Make sure to offer the breast each time too.

Worked for me. Can't guarantee it will work for you, but wanted to reassure you that it can work out the way you want. The bonus is that he will take a bottle so I can leave him with his dad/GP etc.

Thank you so much @neleh87 , that’s so encouraging! I keep reading this and I just need to keep hearing it.

I did manage a successful breastfeed today as in she latched but not sure she got much.

Congratulations on your DD 🥰

You absolutely can get back on track with BF. I didn't use nipple shields but had a tricky time with tongue tie and slow weight gain/DD dropping down the centiles. I combi fed for 4 months and spent the first 3 months telling myself I would quit BF and go to exclusively formula fed "tomorrow". She's 8 months now and breastfed with very occasional bottles. Interestingly she climbed the centiles once I dropped the number of top ups, I think it was interfering with my supply too much.

In your shoes I would persist with the shields as they will help your DD switch between breast and bottle. I'm guessing the lactation consultant assessed for tongue tie? Can you go back to them for further advice?

OP, had your consultant advised rubbing her cheek or her ear to wake her up and get her feeding again?

Ah I had one like that OP. Forget rubbing his cheek, we were advised I run his feet under cold water. Still didn’t work! Also had tongue tie.

We sort of semi rescued things. Had to combi feed. But he breastfed until 18 months.

Whatever happens, it’s OK. Really it doesn’t matter. I beat myself up so much over every dropped centile and the fact I couldn’t EBF. And it really really wasn’t worth the tears. You’re doing your best, babies can be difficult- you haven’t messed it up.

DD was vvvv sleepy due to jaundice and had a difficult latch as my nipples were flat at the start. I had to feed every 30 minutes from each side to make sure that
A.) I had enough production going
B) she took in enough and stopped losing weight (that was resolved within 5 days as I started feeding essentially non stop for a while)
C) both sides got drained otherwise it was so painful

Shields didn't work at all for me - they were so weird to get on and she hated the feel.

Thanks. The problem is that at the moment she just can’t latch without the shields.

Tongue tie … she’s having it snipped Monday but it is a very slight one and everyone who has seen it has said that it shouldn’t stop her feeding. I’m a bit worried my nipple shape is the problem as well.

Because of my nipples I just couldn't bf with it shields. United ally had to use them every time and that's what I went with, mine got what she needed through them. She isn't bf anymore but likes to play with the shields. 😂

I had the same problem but couldn't get my baby to latch at all due to his prematurity, please remember to offer at the breast first and don't stop, then give baby expressed milk or formula after offering the breast. This really ensures your supply stays. Something I didn't do so my supply ran out

My dc3 was extremely sleepy and had to be admitted to hospital at 3 days old due to not feeding. I ended up having to pump so that the nurses could see what amount he was having. They topped up what I pumped with formula. So I didn't bf for about 4/5 weeks, I kept expressing. Luckily by then he had no problem latching and I was able to begin breastfeeding pain free. As they get older latching seems to get easier. Best of luck.

Hi OP, I had a similar problem with my LO. Started using nipple shields when she was a week old because she wouldn't latch, got tongue tie cut at 7 weeks but still needed the shields for a while. I was really down about it but one day she just latched on my bare breast (I kept trying her but she was never interested without the shields) and I haven't used them since. It's like it all just clicked into place for her.

Just echoing PPs really. Also had a sleepy baby (jaundice), struggled to latch well, I found La Leche League really helpful when I contacted them for advice as well as a local breastfeeding support charity that offered in person sessions.
I didn’t realise how important getting the latch right is. One consultant showed me changing the angle so so slightly and it made a really positive difference.

When did you first introduce a bottle?
In my experience a baby who's been introduced to a bottle which takes little to no effort to suck milk out of will rarely ever breastfed successfully after that.

Hi OP, we had a similar experience. DS was a premature jaundiced baby and was so small he would struggle to latch. He was never satisfied feeding from the breast (despite feeding for hours) so I'd express then top up with a bottle, probably for just about every feed.

Infant feeding team recommended nipple shields which did appear to help him latch but he was trying to feed from the shield instead of feeding effectively from the breast so he was taking hours to feed and still wouldn't be satisfied. Again, I'd express and top up with a bottle.

Infant feeding team visited again and recommended ditching the shields and showed me a different feeding position. At that point DS was a few weeks old and it was honestly like something just clicked. He just seemed to get it, latched on and would feed well. He's now 4 months old, exclusively breastfed and will refuse a bottle.

Don't worry about having to top up, you can definitely still establish breastfeeding. Offer the breast first every time. I also set myself a time limit of say 10/15 mins and if he didn't latch properly, I'd offer a bottle. It honestly saved my sanity. As long as you're expressing, that should help maintain your supply and if you're continuing to offer the breast, the balance will hopefully tip more towards breast instead of bottle feeding once baby gets used to it.

Congratulations on DD and getting this far in your bf journey. It's portrayed as being the most natural thing in the world but it's hard work and stressful and nobody really tells you that. You're doing your best and definitely haven't messed up by using a bottle.

All 3 of mine had a bottle of expressed milk or formula early on. They all continued to breastfeed, one for a year and I'm still breastfeeding my 18 month old, who had to have a lot of bottles for weight gain issues at the start.

Hi OP

I have been primarily expressing and bottle feeding DD since 8 weeks (now 3.5 months) after an initial tongue tie and ongoing latch issues that sound similar to yours. I had to make a change for my mental health as I was getting so anxious about feeding.

Even though this has been DD's primary method of feeding I am still able to breastfeed her in between feeds for a snack/comfort, and overnight (posting whilst doing so) - she's never refused to feed from the breast and as she's got older her latch has slowly improved to the point where I'm considering trying to transition in more feeds from the breast to give myself a break from expressing.

Sharing to reassure that, IME, if you pace feed and use a good bottle which has a teat similar to the breast (I used Lansinoh bottles which were recommended by a lactation consultant) you will still be able to breastfeed and it's certain not inevitable that bottle feeding will be your only option. I've read lots of stories where people can move from bottle to EBF with the right support so if you choose to work towards that you will likely be successful.

BF'ing is harder that I ever imagined it would be so don't give yourself a hard time - you are doing amazingly well and haven't messed anything up!

If the issue is she’s fussing and getting frustrated, try jiggling her around once she’s latched. I would pat mine on the bottom quite firmly, or wiggle a leg around- it gives them something else to focus on so they’re clinging on harder if that makes sense! Then stop once she’s calm. Looked a bit odd but worked a treat for mine, and cutting the tongue tie helped massively- my midwife said it was minor but the doctor who cut it said it was more significant

Is there any liptie? If so you may just not be able to breastfeed (try and suck a straw with your top lip folded in)

My dd had liptie uk guidance is it doesnt impact ability to feed but that is not strictly true its that they wont treat it. I was pumping good amounts of milk and had multiple consultants a/osteopaths and she wasnt able to breastfeed. I drove myself crazy with it.

Basically If you switch to formula its fine too

Thanks, these stories are really encouraging. @Lackinginspiration1 once she starts crying it’s game over unfortunately

It is really frustrating as I have milk but she just can’t seem to latch on to get at it.

I hope the tongue tie snipping helps.

Anecdotally on this forum I've heard a lot of people being told there was an insignificant or only slight tongue tie, which actually really affected feeding.

I was told this by a paediatrician in hospital with my first and it turned out he was talking rubbish. I was then given nipple
shields on the ward.

A very annoyed visiting midwife referred me for the snip about a week later, after seeing my baby not putting on weight as well as expected and crying a lot. :( It was over very quickly and feeding went so much better straight away. So fingers crossed. 🤞

I also had a sleepy jaundiced one and the advice i got (probably also on here 😄) was to get in bed and sit skin to skin with him for the day, which would encourage feeding. It did actually encourage feeding for longer, amazingly.

All the best with your wee one. 🙂

Thanks so much