Having a horrible time feeding newborn baby

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Since she was born just over a week ago my DD appears to hate breastfeeding. She screams hysterically when I try to latch her in and gets so worked up and upset; it’s horrible to see and has got me quite upset and flustered too.

I have been trying to pump milk for her to keep my supply up but obviously this isn’t a long term solution.

I have sought help and I thought we turned a corner yesterday but now we’re back to screaming and resistance. I feel as if bottle feeding is inevitable

It’s not inevitable so don’t worry, but then also it’s not an issue if you end up going that way. A week in youre still establishing your milk supply.
are you trying to stick to a schedule or feeding on demand?
google Henry breastfeeding support, theyre fab. mine was disagnosed with tongue tie at 7 weeks which all the gps and midwives had missed

I just can’t get her to latch, and I feel as though I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. She won’t feed from the breast, but I clearly can’t not feed her so bottle it is but then she’s even less likely to breastfeed.

Try nipple shields, I really struggled breastfeeding my DS and the shields did the trick. I then would wait until he had a good suck and quickly whip it off and he'd keep going
Good luck x

I think bottles do flow easier so if you are offering a bottle then you’re not establishing your supply and baby might start preferring the bottle.
have you had any successful breast feeds?

I’ve got nipple shields, thanks. They did seem to work but tonight nothing can get her on. I have had successful breast feeds but very hit and miss, I dread feeding her to be honest.

You’re not alone, loads of women have a horrendous time breastfeeding. Persevere but also if it’s not for you then don’t worry. Really recommend reaching out to specialists, when I popped into a clinic at 7 weeks it was amazing what they taught me

Have you had a go at ‘Laid Back Breastfeeding’ / ‘Biological nurturing’ breastfeeding position? If you google there are lots of videos to explain it. This approach did help one of my babies when they were struggling with latching so may be worth a shot! The early days can be incredibly tough. Sounds like you are doing amazingly hanging in there - make sure you do what feels right for you - continuing to try or switching - and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

That must be really frustrating for you. Can you ask your midwife to come and help you? If you do bottlefeed then please don't feel guilty about that.

Did you get your help from an IBCLC? If not, I think you’d be strongly encouraged to (by the breastfeeding group I’m a number of anyway!)
Are you pumping with a hospital grade pump? That’s what you need to establish supply.
My story is a bit different but I’d twins who were too sleepy to feed well. Introduced formula on day 3 after huge weight loss and for several days after that, there was very little breastfeeding for several days for one and nearly a week for the other as we battled to get weight up. They were really always combi fed from day 3 but they went from being massively reliant on formula to breastfeeding being predominant. They also love it still!
You are in a very tough place and it’s most important to keep you and your baby healthy physically and mentally so do what you need to do but just wanted to say that introducing bottles does not necessarily mean it’ll always be about them and not breastfeeding x

This happened to me and honestly baby did start preferring the bottle and eventually wouldn't go on the breast at all.

He had a tongue tie which we couldn't get cut as he also had oral thrush from antibiotics at birth. By the time it'd gone the horse had long bolted and he wouldn't breastfeed. It took WEEKS to go though.

Baby may have a tie or may just not be a latcher. I'm sure lactation consultants would be able to help but I've also spoken to many a mum at baby classes who struggled with latching and their babies had no ties.
It helped me to remember that baby doesn't come out of the womb knowing how to breastfeed. Yes it's instinctual to suck but they still have to learn what a boob is and how to stay on it.

Ultimately we ended up bottle feeding but we are both happy and my baby is thriving on formula. I exclusively pumped for a while but it was all consuming and my mental health suffered. I also tried nipple shields and they didn't work for us but it's worth a try as they're not expensive. Try and find the brand of whatever bottles you're using and if you're LO gets the hang of them you can try to wean back onto your nipple slowly.

Good luck! For something so natural I couldn't believe how hard and draining breastfeeding was. I hope you get to feed your baby the way you want to, but if you don't, try and make your peace with it and just enjoy your bub 🩷 formula is a blessing for many.

Could she have a tongue tie?

My daughter was only 5lb when she was born and I had an awful time breastfeeding, had three horrible days in the hospital not knowing what the fuck I was doing, with no help or guidance, until a more senior someone(?) came and just basically said, she's just too little to breastfeed effectively, I do have quite large nipples and just couldn't seem to make it work consistently enough.

I kept trying when we went home, even had a specialist round, but it was very hit and miss, so I exclusively pumped instead, I did that for 6 months and then weaned her onto formula, it helped as I could pump on my own time, but DH could also feed her too.

The good thing about pumping is you can go back to trying breastfeeding as and when you might like to, as your supply will still be there, but do whatever you think would work best! A happy baby and mummy is more important than how you achieve that.

Well, the help we sought was from a lady registered as a IBCLC: she came to the house yesterday. Initially it did seem
really helpful and I felt optimistic that breastfeeding could work - now I’m not so sure. I don’t really know what else to try to be honest.

Lots of people go through this, especially with the first, don't worry.

I realised on second that a lot of the issue was I was very tense and still traumatised from the birth. Somebody said relax your shoulders and I realised that my shoulders were up near my ears. It did help to try and stay more relaxed and less tensed up.

Also, get the HV to check for tongue tie. That can prevent them latching and cause all sorts of issues and is easily fixed.

Good luck, hang in there!

Had this same issue - she just didn’t get it and would chomp on the nipple and it hurt so much and then I lost confidence

i saw a lactation consultant which did help but not enough

for me the nipple shields did turn it around a lot - even though people said not to it just meant she was able to suck like she would a normal teat. I had them on me for weeks/months and only took them off when I knew she would latch and she did

breastfedding my DD1 was the hardest thing I ever did. I was lucky that it did work but I would have been ok with a bottle if the shields didn’t work. Fed is best for mum and baby honestly

Oh one other thing def check for tongue tie. My dd had posterior tongue tie which wasn’t that bad so we didn’t need to do anything

and I also think her jaw was little so she just didn’t understand the motion or have the strength to breastfeed

The lactation consultant said she had a slight tongue tie but she didn’t recommend it being snipped yet.

(She isn’t my first, by the way - was equally bad at feeding DC1. I’m starting to think it is me!)

No it’s not you - it’s hard!

Impossible I think. I seriously don’t know how anyone manages. I wish I’d just bottle fed from the start to be honest

You are trying which is fine but try not to let it consume you and take away from this otherwise special time

no-one will judge you if you bottle feed and i do think some babies just have a preference for one or the other

or combo feed - I know people says it ruins supply but at least that way you can keep trying to bf

It’s not about judgement - I don’t actually think people do judge, or if they do they aren’t someone whose opinion I care about anyway. It’s just something that is important to me, and it’s very upsetting to be forced onto formula feeding when it isn’t your choice.

Thank you. I was feeling really low about it last night - I know it’s silly but feeling bad for the other one dropping down the priority list due to breastfeeding (although DH has been very good, but he’s back at work next week) and her screaming had me flustered and tearful!

She has breastfed this morning and I’ve also got a fair bit expressed: I think I just need to try to relax and breastfeed her where and when I can but ultimately if she’s not going on and we’re both upset I have to be pragmatic and she has to be fed!