Is my baby hungry or am I just being paranoid?

[LDNLCN]

My baby is four months old, almost 5 months now and exclusively breastfed. She seems to be developing well however, my mother seems to think she is "starving". My mum formula-fed, both me and my brother and claims that she didn't produce enough milk. I struggled at the beginning with breastfeeding but was persistent and eventually went from mix feeding to exclusively breastfeeding after four weeks. My mum is always telling me I should still mix feed as she seems hungry, I am 99% sure DD is teething that's why she always has her hands in a mouth and gets a bit grizzly. Once my mum realised I wasn't backing down she started to say "well maybe you need to try and give her solids now because she's developing well and seems like she wants food". She won't give up and it's starting to actually make me feel really down about it. She says she thinks I may have the same issue as her and not be producing enough milk.

My baby has a kidney issue, so I went to the doctors a couple of days ago and found out thank goodness all is well. And that she is tracking well with her weight and height. She's always been a small baby, she's on the 9th percentile, when she was born she was on the 10th percentile. Height is 25th percentile and head 50th percentile.
My mother instantly saw this as an opportunity to tell me that she's really hungry, and should be going up not tracking the same. The doctor told me that she seems like a healthy happy baby so who do I believe... Ever since this appointment she watches me intensely while I feed her and says "see she looks hungry" if she's so much as lifts her head off. Whenever she looks after my baby, I allow her to give her formula just to keep her quiet but of course I get "oh, she loved the formula" and "look how happy she is now". It's getting to the point where it's all I hear about and it's starting to make me question everything.

Recently, my baby has started babbling and become a lot more vocal. When she does make grunting noises my mum is now taking that as "she's telling you she's starving". I've been googling endlessly and it seems like it's fairly normal for babies to grunt while feeding, but could also be a sign of frustration so now I'm just confused. I'd also like to mention that the grunting seems to coincide with when I'm feeding her, and she is tired. She almost always falls asleep straight away.

I don't know...

Am I just being selfish by continuing to breastfeed? I had a goal to reach six months. Or is my mum right? I have no idea what is right or wrong at this point. I should also mention she has consistently wet nappies and poos once or twice a day sometimes three or four.

I'm trying to rise above it, but the struggle is real! I would love any advice from anyone who has had similar experiences with family or with babies grunting while feeding. I'm looking for reassurance but also if she is hungry, then I'll do whatever is best for her.

Thanks in advance, and sorry for the very long read❤️

I think your mum needs to butt out. You've had your baby looked at by health professionals and been told that he is developing normally (sounds lovely btw). Wet nappies and poos sounds normal. Grunting when bf is perfectly normal. You are not being 'selfish' - you are in fact doing what mums are advised to do. Your mum didn't do that, and she is perhaps not understanding why it is advised and what is normal for bf babies. I'd grey rock her if I were you. Develop a phrase that says your medical adviser is satisfied with the baby's progress and keep repeating it. Ask her not to nag about it as you are finding it irritating. Good luck to you - you've done so well so far.

It’s generational, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. My mum was exactly the same. She insisted chewing hands meant hunger (it doesn’t) and she got it into her head that I made “watery milk”. Your baby is maintaining her percentile and you have plenty of wet and dirty nappies. That would make anyone medically trained happy.

if you want reassurance a local breastfeeding cafe will be much more helpful than your mum!

Sorry OP your mum sounds awful (even if she's lovely in other ways) I think sometimes 80s mums see modern attitudes to breastfeeding as a criticism of how they did things, it's really common.

You are doing a fabulous job 👏👏

If your baby is gaining weight and showing all the normal development AND you still want to breastfeed then tell your mum to do one. I used to get all that. It's said with love but is SOOOOOO damaging. How wld your mum respond if you told her how this makes you feel? I wouldn't be letting her look after baby tbh. It doesn't bode well that she will follow your future choices.

Ps she's not hungry she's a normal baby

80s mums also have some big bloody rose tinted glasses on when they look back at their own babies

My mum swears we all slept like angles from day one, she's either forgotten or let us all cry a lot more than I'd find acceptable!

You are doing well. Inform your Mum that is the Medical opinion. HOWEVER, DO NOT HAVE AN AIM FOR 6 MONTHS. Follow your babe's needs, he might not last to 6 months before needing more. Don't feed the babe in front of her.

My MIL was just like this. She had a total complex and said because she "didn't have enough milk" for DH by 5 months, then I obviously couldn't have enough for DS. Made me super paranoid telling me he looked like he'd lost weight. I took him to the HV to be weighed and said "I'm really worried. My MIL thinks he's lost weight" and she replied "you think THIS baby is under fed?!" Whilst pointing at his thigh rolls

Your mother is totally wrong here, and it’s really sad that she’s making you question your own instinct.

Your baby sounds absolutely fine and very healthy. You need to be firm and say that it is your turn now and you will be listening to medical advice and following your own instinct.

It’s hard to do and I know because I’ve been there. Sometimes I just used to brush it off and say ‘things are different now, mum’ and change the subject. If she doesn’t get the message, you need to see her less.

God, my Mum was the same with my DS! It made me so angry. My DS, for what it's worth, thrived from a young age. Never a thing wrong with him.
I had a food aversion from the age of 18 months, a direct result of my mother being utterly convinced I was starving, to the point she attempted to force feed me. I didn't eat again until I was over 4 years of age. I was extremely poorly and even now I have awful issues with food and my self esteem.
The moment my mother started on my son not eating enough, she got the bollocking of her life. These days it would be considered neglect, she doesn't believe me and was the perfect parent. I beg to differ.

Mother please shut up I know my baby best.
And repeat. Or see a lot less of her.

It's not generational! Unless your mother was mothering in the 1950s. In the eighties, we were 'radical mothers', co-sleeping and breastfeeding on demand for years.

But your mother is wrong and you are right. Be strong, be firm. You're in the right. Keep going.

Please ignore your mam. Keep doing what you're doing. You don't need to mix feed x

Breastfeed until whenever you want. Keep going until the baby is in school, stop tomorrow. None of it makes you selfish. But your mum appears to be wrong, dealing with her own anxieties, and creating problems. Baby tracking weight = baby getting enough milk. That’s all there is to it. And a doctor has told you the same. Sounds like you’re doing great! No advice on how to deal with your mum, but I’d say she does need some “dealing” with, whether that’s putting her in her place, avoiding her for a while, or just singing your favourite song in your head whenever she talks about it.

Those who never breastfed seem to love telling those that do, that they're doing it wrong. Take no notice, you are doing exactly what your body is designed to do.

It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job and your baby is thriving. If it were me I'd tell mum DM that her views are outdated and the doctor is happy that baby is doing well. Tracking around the same centile is exactly what babies are expected to do. Please don't doubt your instincts, you are giving your baby the food that is biologically designed for her, if you wanted to formula feed then fine, but you clearly don't want to. So keep doing as you are, and feel proud of how well you and baby are doing ❤️

People love to give advice to new parents, sometimes just to hear themselves talk. Your mum doesn’t know what she’s talking about, every baby chews their hands at 4 months, it’s a novelty. She sounds like she’s doing beautifully.

I think you should have a serious word with your mum, tell her she needs to stop commenting on what and how you feed your baby.

Your mother is toxic. Just stop having anything to do with her. You are feeding your baby perfectly well. She’s absolutely insane and probably jealous.
If you must insist on seeing her then you need to shut this nonsense down and tell her to shut the fuck up every time she says it. Stop being a doormat and have some confidence in yourself.

Thank you all for your replies. I do need to be firmer with my Mum. I know logically she is wrong but it just gets in your head. My Mum actually had me in the 90's when breastfeeding feeding was at its lowest so does make sense why she's so anti BFing. She was also a nurse (20 years ago) so you can imagine the whole "I know best, I was a nurse".

My mum is obsessed with my DD and possibly a bit jealous? If DD cries and wants me I can see the sadness/upset in her face. Maybe this is where the problem stems from...

‘claims she didn’t produce enough milk’ this is also very annoying to hear too.

Just be honest with your Mum, you must have a good relationship to let her have your baby - don’t sweat the small stuff and just ask her to stop going on about this so that you can enjoy time together without being annoyed.

My mums a nurse and I get a lot of that. My health visitor asked if she was actually a paediatric nurse in which I replied that she was not, and was then reminded that her being a scrub nurse doesn’t give her any logical qualification to be advising on whatever baby related thing was the problem. The HV told me in the nicest possible way to ignore the woman falsely claiming to be some sort of expert.

You need to spend less time with your mum

I’m glad I found this thread, I’m in exactly the same boat - but with my Nan (have no mum around sadly)she tells me at every opportunity that she didn’t breastfed and that my breast milk is inadequate as my baby cries sometimes ?
She believes they had this magic formula sixty years ago that made babies sleep for four hours at a time, no crying at all 🫠 and that breastfeeding is the worst thing ever .
It does gets a bit heated at times as I’m trying my best breastfeeding but she puts me down all the time 🥲

My MIL was like this, pestering me to give solids from 3 1/2 months! I told her numerous times I was waiting until 6 months but she wouldn't stop. She was adamant it would improve sleep etc. I carried on as I wanted and with my second child she hasn't said a word. It's easier said than but try to ignore her. Everything you mentioned sounds very normal of a baby that age. As long as baby is gaining weight and plenty of wet nappies then no need to change anything.

Load of rubbish she should be going up centiles….we start to get concerned if babies Cross more than 2 centiles, following along a centiles is perfectly normal

Your mum wants to feed the baby.