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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

SIL just had a new baby. All well

18 replies

WinkyWinkola · 23/02/2008 10:21

but she won't latch on. SIL is going to use formula. She's really upset about not being able to bf.

I want to tell her it's fine, it's all going to be fine, everything will be just fine.

But I know I'm going to say the wrong thing and upset her.

How can I make her feel better in her postnatal hormonal fragility and fears for the health of her new little baby? What's the best thing to say?

OP posts:

Original poster

WinkyWinkola · 23/02/2008 10:22

I don't mean there's anything wrong with formula, btw. I just mean that SIL's expectations and hopes have been dashed and want to help her.

OP posts:

belgo · 23/02/2008 10:22

if she really wants to breastfeed, I would get her the phone number of a local breastfeeding teacher or midwife specialing in bfing.

trishpops · 23/02/2008 10:25

don't say anything if you really worried that it will come out wrong. maybe offering to wash bottles or do something practical related to bottle feeding will show her some support, and minimise risk of upsetting her? in time she will relax about it and you might be able to talk then.

edam · 23/02/2008 10:25

Agree, call La Leche League or NCT or Assoc of B/f Mothers and get some help for her!

tiktok · 23/02/2008 10:28

Winky - your SIL needs to try baby led attachment/biological nurturing positons. Google for more info. This position helps babies because it supports their natural instincts.

She needs to be holding the baby skin to skin as often as she can.

Formula should not be necessary, really....giving formula in hospital makes it three times more likely that the baby will not be breastfed at all when aged 2 weeks...see Infant Feeding survey.

If the baby still can;t latch, she needs to express colostrum.

edam · 23/02/2008 11:38

Tiktok, as an aside, do you think docs, midwives and HVs are generally so keen to reach for the formula because it's a quick fix? And easily measured?

terramum · 23/02/2008 11:39

Agree with all the other posts - if she wants to bf then she needs the right support from a qualified bfc. It might take a bit of perseverance but very possible. My own DS didn't latch on very well after he was born & then started completely rejecting the breast after the hospital intervened . With the support of my local LLL leader I expressed for 6 weeks & then got him back on the breast. 3.5yrs later he is still feeding

Get her the national helpline numbers or find some local bfcs numbers & give them to her or offer to make that initial call (it can be crushing to call for help & not get an answer straight away - BFCs are mums as well & sometimes can't be on the end of the phone all the time .

This page on the LLL site has phone numbers of leaders (BFCs):www.laleche.org.uk/pages/groups/county_list.htm

tiktok · 23/02/2008 18:03

edam, I think the reasons for the sometimes-too-quick reliance on formula by some HCPs include

poor training ie they don't understand how best to support early bf and to resolve problems

they do not understand that giving formula is a risk to health and a risk to continued breastfeeding

Winky - of course your SIL is welcome to call the bf numbers, but I think the main thing is to get help on the spot from the people whose job it is to help her, and to find someone there who understands about fixing early breastfeeding difficulties.

Original poster

WinkyWinkola · 26/02/2008 19:49

Thank you for great advice. SIL is now breast feeding. I'm so pleased for her. But her daughter (now six days old) has lost 11% of her birth weight.

Just had my brother on the 'phone asking about formula using cups. The midwife wants the baby to have some formula after feeding at the breast to boost weight. The baby is "inconsolable" after feeding and then being given this cup apparently.

I told my brother that SIL's breast milk was just fine and they should see over the next few days what happens in terms of weight gain. But he said the baby hadn't done a poo today (so?) and that SIL's body has been slow to produce the milk.

What now? Please?

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ChasingButterflies · 26/02/2008 20:40

Not an expert, I'm afraid, but bumping for you and wishing your SIL lots of luck. AFAIK, it's normal for babies to lose around 10% of birth weight, isn't it? Was her dd a good weight at birth?
Hope someone more knowledgable will be along for you soon.
ps My milk didn't come in until day 6 and I'm still exc bf-ing ds at 4mo, so I'm sure it will be possible for her to keep going if she gets the right support (and if that's what she wants).

tiktok · 26/02/2008 21:42

Winky, the slightly larger than average weight loss and the lack of poo are both signs that the breastfeeding may need to be encouraged and supported - baby needs to bf lots and lots and for someone to check milk is being transferred effectively.

She needs to bf on both sides, and to offer side 1 again and side 2 again, if needs be, and not look at the clock or restrict the feeding in any way.

I can't say whether formula is 'needed' or not, but I would be very sceptical of help on offer if the first thing suggested was formula - cup or no cup

Original poster

WinkyWinkola · 26/02/2008 21:57

So there could be a problem then? Is there such a thing as milk being slow to come in? She's so worried and teary.

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ilovewashingnappies · 26/02/2008 22:01

I swear my milk didn't 'come in' till dd was around 2 weeks old....

First month was mega hard but worth it though I;'ve never felt 'bursting with milk' like some mum's seem to.

ib · 26/02/2008 22:23

Winky, I had this. Because ds was a very poor feeder my supply wasn't as high as it needed to be, ds lost too much weight and wasn't pooing.

We did give formula for a few days (until he regained birth weight) but would probably try to avoid it if I was in the same situation again.

What I would say to you is that in this situation everyone makes the mother feel it is her problem, she doesn't have enough milk, etc. This is not helpful. The reason she doesn't is that her little one is not a good feeder, and her body is just responding to his demands. Once I made that mental flip (it took months in my case, until ds was diagnosed with severe reflux) I felt so much better.

As soon as he started to feed better my body responded fantastically, and at 14 months he is still bf loads.

Things that helped in the early days were bf in the bath (ds relaxed and fed sooo much better), cuddling up in bed with him for the whole day and doing nothing but bf (and watch TV if so inclined) and best of all going on a really long flight during the whole of which ds bfed (I got engorged after that one).

HTH and it's lovely of you to be so supportive.

tiktok · 26/02/2008 23:20

Winky, yes, sometimes milk is a bit slow....but the answer is rarely formula. She needs to feed effectvely, and feed more often, and hold the baby skin to skin as much as she can.

terramum · 27/02/2008 08:35

WinkyWinkola - I wonder if anyone has suggested to your SIL that if the baby is "inconsolable" after feeding that she can simply offer the breast again?

Original poster

WinkyWinkola · 27/02/2008 08:42

Thank you so much for your advice. Will try and relay tactfully to SIL and brother. Will keep you posted... ..

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Original poster

WinkyWinkola · 27/02/2008 18:13

She's now feeding LO on demand as opposed to every three hours. Brother said they didn't want to get into the demand feeding scenario.. .. . . eh?

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