sorry bit long - pregnant with number 2, failed at bf'ing with number 1 - desperately want to get it right this time

[sorryihaventaclue]

my ds was 4 weeks premature and born by emergo c section after he headbutted my placenta out as he engaged ( had placenta praevia). He was then in scbu and i didn't even see him for nearly 24 hours and he was being tube fed because he was a bit poorly and jaundiced.

Cut a very long and traumatic story short, he and I then struggled with b/fing, as we tried during the day, during the night i would be expressing on the maternity ward, and he in SCBU. The SCBU wouldn't let him out until he regained weight to his birth weight. In the end (after a week) we decided to go with formula in a desperate bid to get him home, and i expressed to top up.

2 breastfeeding counsellors later and the only way i could get him to latch on was with the use of 2 cushions (am quite big in the boob department unfortunately) and so incredibly impractical and he was miserable, that after a week i threw in the towel which i am racked with guilt about and to this day blame myself every time he is ill.

I so desperately want to get it right this time and am already really stressed about it. This isn't helped by a slot on GMTV today about SIDS saying that the next bit of advice coming out is that breastfeeding is also preventative.

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and sobbing about this. Please don't advise the NCT because the other new mums that i met there were so incredibly judgemental and unfriendly i don't really want to repeat the experience.

Does anyone have any advice? Am desperate.

Sorry, I don't have big boobs so my experinece wasn't exactly the same, but I never really succeeded bf DS1 and ended up mostly expresssing...it was an TOTALLY different experience with DS2 who fed twice before we left the delivery room and didn't stop for 9 months...I just want to say that every baby is different and there is no reason you shouldn't bf successfully this time. Good lucK

Hi, my experience of breastfeeding following a c-section was: born aound 7.30pm after a long labour, baby put to the breast soonish after birth and not interested, baby then taken upto SCIBU for a perhaps 1.5 hours for some tests and offered the breast again when returned to me but not interested, midwife woke me in the night and again baby not interested; breastfeeding easily established the next day. on the last 2 occasions the lovely midwifes helped me express some colostrum and gave it to him in a cup. So please don't worry if things don't go to plan immediately after the birth. It took a little while for him to come to me after the birth as he had a low APGAR score and needed some suction to clear his airways. Good luck!

I think my GP gave me good advice before my second baby when she told me, "Mothers spend a lot of time worrying about the problems they had last time when which is pointless because they will probably have a whole new set of problems!!"
That said, I think you really need to let go of all that guilt. It may be something to feel sad about but certainly not guilty. You absolutely did your best and you have very lucky children to have a mum who works so hard to care for them. Give yourself a great big pat on the back.
I had a lot of problems with mastitis and used the method someone else suggested of giving myself short goals - get to four weeks, then to six, then to three months, etc, etc,. I also got some books to read for encouragement. I found "Breast is Best" by Dr Penny Stanway great. She has heaps of different suggestions for all sorts of difficulties. I'm happily still breastfeeding at 13 months and have the mastitis under control which gives a certain amount of satisfaction in itself.
Good luck.

sorryihaventaclue - Here is a link (see below) I started some time ago as I was desperate to succeed second time around. I think I understand how you must be feeling.. I found it almost soul destroying when I could not first time around, and once I made my decision firmly, life was better for myself and my son.. but until that point had come I was full of guilt, tiredness and frustration.. I had just assumed I was going to bf and it would be a doddle, but circumstance and support was not in our favour, my point being you were not a failure with your son!

Anyway.. 6 weeks on weds I will have been bf ds2, so it can be done! I had a planned section too and to help me 'prepare' I bought the NCT breastfeeding for beginners book and another book, which has left my mind the name and I printed out the thread I linked you to, to remind me in hospital it could be done for support!

My advice to you.. don't be afraid to ask staff for help (fortunately for me the staff this time (different area, so different hosp) were FAB in bf support especially emotionally! It can be easy to feel like one should not pester them, but do.. and I so hope they are helpful.

Get that skin to skin time too.. and just a 'warning' for some I know they manage ok.. but initially it was CONSTANT on the boobs or screaming to be held.. sore nipples, tiredness, oh it was hell.. and I shed sooo many tears because I had wanted this so badly to bf but was starting to hate it.. then mastitis I went through, the cluster feeding was madness, still is at times, had a few weeks in the spare room co sleeping just to feed and get sleep myself.. and that's when I introduced a one bottle of formula at night and expressed at times just to cope, but at nearly 6 weeks I feel life has improved a lot, though he has just shown his breast preference habit again

I wish you well second time around, and hope you don't stress more about it... remember all babies are different and with all problems there can be solutions to help you get through it or cope!

Let us know how you get on!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1364&threadid=434829#8805073

that's when I made my decision to ff firmly first time around.. sorry got baby brain..

Hi not read entire thread. I failed to feed dd1 - gave up after only 3 days with little support. She is now a healthy, happy almost 4 year old.
While I was pregnant with dd2 I promised myself I would give it a good bash this time round but I wouldnt beat myself up if it didnt work out as dd1 is so healthy and happy. However, 12 months on and we are still feeding - only problem now is how to stop! And she always has the cold or a cough whereas I could honestly count on one hand how many times dd1 has had the cold.

Good luck and dont beat yourself up about it if it doesnt work out for you.