Non stop feeding and only sleeping when held by me

[oakland42]

DD is 4 days old, she is feeding constantly, I have had almost no sleep since she was born and really can't understand how I am supposed to continue like this without any sleep.

She feeds then falls asleep on me, and when I try to put her in Moses basket or next to me crib she wakes immediately after a few mins looking for more food, then I need to feed her again so it's been constant feeding, but she will sleep for a bit following each feed but only on me. Sometimes she won't even fall asleep following BF on DH and he has had to give her a bottle of formula tonight just to almost distract her so I could get a tiny bit of sleep.

She also won't sleep in crib or Moses basket during the day either so there is just no opportunity for me to sleep at all as I am constantly holding her.

Was not expecting this level of sleep deprivation at all and surely it's not sustainable, I am so worried I am going to fall asleep whilst feeding. It's really difficult to enjoy this time with her because I'm just finding it so hard.

I've seen a couple of similar older posts but wondering if there is anyone going though this at the moment who has any tips.

Sounds really tough. It is in fact normal, but really really tough on you. I suppose I would be concerned she wasn’t getting enough milk if she’s feeding constantly, but she may just be using you for comfort. When are you seeing the midwife? Will she take a dummy?

Other than that my only advice is look at safe co-sleeping. I know lots of mums are really worried about it, but I think it’s better to set up safely and do it rather than falling asleep holding her as that’s unsafe. And you do need to sleep. It saved my bacon!!

Has your milk come in properly?

My daughter has just turned 11 months and she was like that for the first few months. She latched on like a champ as soon as she was born and I was quite surprised - but then she was always feeding / napping / feeding / napping. The first few weeks were definitely the hardest but it did get easier. As she’s so tiny and you’re only just beginning to BF, this is very natural and normal. They mostly cluster feed (which is what she’s doing now) initially to get the BF going. Once you’re established (which can be a few weeks), it definitely gets better.

I didn’t give her the bottle or formula until she was 4 months old as I was really scared about nipple confusion - that was obviously too late as she never took the bottle. She was exclusively breast fed and although on solids now, still feeds 2-3 times a day.

The thing is, it’s not just for feeding , it’s for comfort, the sound of your breath and heart and your warmth and cuddles which reminds her of being in the womb .. and that’s why she cries when you put her down. All babies are different but these blogs and media make it seem that they should be doing a particular routine at a particular age, which is absolute nonsense. So long as she’s healthy / gaining weight / has enough wet nappies it doesn’t matter how much / how often she sleeps or eats. I just let my DD do as she wished and she’s doing so well - been sleeping through the night for 12 hours straight since she was 6 months old.

You are doing great so well done on trying to BF! It sounds obvious but I don’t think we get enough people acknowledging how hard it is so well done you ! I remember nearly giving up a million times, asking DH to bring formula only to stop as I wanted to keep going. You’d have to try to catch some sleep whilst she’s asleep - there are safe ways of cosleeping and that is what I did to get through the first few months. Keep lots of snacks and fluids with you/ at bedside and have DH/ family support you as much as possible these first few weeks, once BF gets going, I promise this gets better. She will either feed less frequently or you’ll get so used to it that you’ll miss it when it stops. Hang in there mama, this will get better ! ❤️

P.S try not to read the million expert blogs out there telling you to feed in a specific way. I highly recommend laleche.org.uk
They have a helpline too and science based advice, they honestly helped me so much when I was struggling in the beginning! Good luck and enjoy your time with the little lady, it’s so very precious ❤️

Hi OP,

Congrats on your new baby. The early days are very intense!

Has your milk come in? And do you have some zip up swaddles?

I would:

• put baby in clean nappy
• appropriate layers
• and in swaddle.
• Feed
• cuddle for 20mins (to get baby in a deeper state of sleep)
• then gently put down in crib

They may initially last 10mins but they might surprise you and do 2 hours.

Also, your partner can slip their little (clean) finger in their mouth to soothe them as babies like sucking not just for milk, but also for soothing.

Get partner to take baby out in buggy for long walk, so you can at least get a 2 hour nap in during the day.

Hang on in there, things are so new in the early days for you and baby.

Thanks for your reply, Yes my milk has definitely come in now and I think the supply is at a good level already because I only have to gently squeeze my nipple and it pours out, and she seems latched on correctly so assuming she is getting the level she needs. Nappy changes are regular and expected as well. Seeing midwife tomorrow.

I've been looking into co sleeping and am going to try it if this continues for the next few nights/weeks.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to this ❤️! It makes me feel better that I'm just not alone in this and doing something wrong and that people have been in a similar position to me and come through the other side with lots of sleep.

I know it may take some time and I'm really trying hard not to wish it all away as this time is so precious but I can't help but just wish she was a bit older and in a routine already and it's only been a few days, but that's just me being selfish and probably a bit delirious with lack of sleep.

Hey! Congratulations on your lovely baby. How are you feeling?

Breastfed both of mine for 1yr+ so totally understand and sympathise with you here.

Firstly (without sounding like a dick), what is going right now is totally and utterly normal and healthy behaviour for a 4 day old. For you it’s draining and you will be feeling so tired and probably still healing. How was the birth?

What your baby is doing now is setting up your supply. Cluster feeding is a totally normal newborn behaviour; but frustrating and tiring and annoying. I can’t remember the exact timings but there’s usually one around now, 4 weeks, 6 weeks and 12 weeks. I can’t stress how normal this is - even though it sucks. You are doing all the right things and you are both doing a great job.

Obviously this does get to a point where you start to think that you don’t have enough milk or you get so tired you think ‘fuck this’ and you might want to introduce some formula but this will affect your supply and once you start fucking around with the supply and demand of your own milk it can be hard to get back into it. There’s also no guarantee that formula helps the situation. I know you haven’t mentioned this but just wanted to throw that out there.

Anyway, I got to that point both times with mine and that’s when I decided to co-sleep. You need to master the art of breastfeeding sideways. Believe me once you master that it’s a game changer!

Don’t want to sound like a compete tree-hugging hippie weirdo but co-sleeping saved my sanity and the kids got my milk. They are now 13 and 10 and sleep in their own beds etc.

Try and practice some sideways feeding today during the day. It will take some practice for both of you but I promise you can do it.

For the time being write off any house jobs you think you need to do. Concentrate on eating, drinking, having a shower and (when you feel up to it) have a daily short walk.

I promise you that what is happening right now is normal. You are doing a wonderful job. You are both learning.

Lastly, without sounding like a nutter, I think there’s something called ‘the fourth trimester’ which explains some of the stuff going on with wanting to be held all the time. To be honest if someone was holding me comfortably for 9 months all squishy and warm I would find it hard to be put down too.

Let us know how it goes with the midwife today. Lots of love.

Ps sorry for all the typos. Just went for a wee half asleep before writing this and then banged my forehead on the toilet door, plus my husband is snoring, the fan is going and the fucking birds have started!!!!!

If your partner is watching you, then there's no harm in falling asleep while she's asleep on you.

Sorry OP but sounds normal and mine was like this. I was bewildered with tiredness. No more babies for me, I can't go through that again.

Mine had to be rocked whilst sleeping as soon as I stopped he'd wake up and cry.

I switched to formula so husband could help out.
Hang in there, it got better at 8 ish weeks when he'd wake up only twice in the night.

I was still knackered though. He started sleeping all night with no wakes at 7 months. Then I could get some proper rest.
X

Morning! Feeding my 12 day old as I write this! I feel your pain. My little one was the same for the first few days. We were like shift workers, trying to stay awake whilst he slept on us. We knew something had to change so started putting him down every time he was in a deep sleep. I even slept on the floor next to him one night because I was so desperate. Started at just 5 mins before he cried but now he'll sleep in his next to me for 2-3 hours before waking for a feed. Don't get me wrong sometimes he still just wants a snuggle and cluster feeds from about 9-1 every night, but we're getting there.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing everything right - he's so tiny and has had 3 different homes within a week - it will get better! We found getting him in his sleeping bag before what we think might be the last feed has really helped, then he's ready to go down with minimal activity. Hang in there! Xx

Learn to feed lying down in side lying and get some rest while she feeds, you could ask your partner to stay up and watch you for a bit if your nervous about it and until you get the hang of it but it is safe if done correctly and the bed is set up safely. Also don’t be scared to give a dummy, my EBF DS if 9 weeks old and i introduced a dummy from day 2 and we’ve had no issues at all with supply/ nipple confusion etc. A health baby knows the difference and will let you know if they want fed, they will just spit the dummy out or refuse it when hungry.

Congratulations! It's so hard but absolutely normal, babies have a growth spurt at 2/3 weeks and until then it's a bit of a blur of constant feeding. My DS was the same, woudk only contact nap. My DH would supervise us with DS sleeping on my chest and me sleeping at the same time, and on the off chance he slept in the Moses basket we would both nap. If your milk has come in I would echo PP suggestion of learning to feed lying down and look up how to safely co sleep. You can do it and it sounds like you're already doing so well, but it is really really hard, I feel for you!

How are you OP?

@Cincinnatus thanks for checking in.

Much of the same, just getting better at trying to get some sleep when DH is holding her. She is still not sleeping when in moses basket or next to me crib so still having to do shifts.

The FF in the evening is helping as I get a break before taking over middle of the night, no issues with nipple confusion and she is still latching well on the breast for the other feeds.

Hoping eventually she will sleep in moses but we have tried all the tips everyone has suggested and she isn't having any of it.