Panicked about my chances of successfully breastfeeding after having had to introduce formula v early

[Tor88]

Hi everyone, looking for advice (and hand hold 🥹)

I am 5 days post partum (or 6 if you count delivery day?). I was in hospital for 7 nights, 4 for a failed induction then had a c section, lost 2.1 litres of blood and was very ill for the next 3 days and the first days of my baby's life. It was awful, I was in and out of conscious, collapsed when I tried to mobilise, had to have a 5 hour blood transfusion, all the while trying to establish breastfeeding and recover on a noisy ward. To say it was a hellish experience is an understatement and I know I've got a lot to process. We've been home 2 nights now and the emotional come down is real, but I am getting stronger physically.

Whilst I was in hosp I became concerned about feeding because in night 2 baby screamed and screamed for hours whilst latching on and off and didn't poo for 24 hours. Next day a midwife said my supply may be low because I was so unwell and my body was turning it's resources inwards, she reassured us we could supplement with formula and we didn't hesitate and things got better for baby at that point.

I am lucky enough to know a lactation consultant I've been messaging, but despite knowing the context of the situation she was really pushing me to just keep going no matter what. Now that I am home I am desperately trying to do that, but I've just had an incredibly long and emotional night of trying and largely failing to get a screaming baby to latch whilst I sob everywhere.

We're topping him up with a bottle of 90ml every 3 ish hours (of which he probably drinks about 50/60). So he IS getting fed and nappy output ok etc, my issue is from what I'm reading and hearing from consultant I am probably making breastfeeding so much harder for myself with all the bottled, and it's getting harder and harder to get him to latch.

I am trying to hand express to keep the production going but I'm finding it sooo hard to get much out.

So questions for anyone who's been through anything like this or has any wisdom...

• how risky is all this formula?? I have to make sure my little on is eating and I don't think I'm producing much milk :( :(

• should I rent a madela pump for 14 days? It's £50 which I'll gladly pay at this point in the hopes it will help me get my supply up (that doesn't mean I'll be able to get baby back on to latch though I guess!)

• and any other wise words you have...

Thank you 🙏🧡

I'm sorry you've had such a rough start. You really need in-person support and a proper evaluation ASAP as there is a lot going on here. Is baby latching at all? Has your milk come in / experienced engorgement? If baby isn't breastfeeding effectively at this point, then yes you must get a double electric pump and start pumping regularly, otherwise your supply isn't going to establish.

The midwives were probably correct that some supplementation was required at the time, but no one has given you a plan for how to transition back to the breast!

Do not stress yourself and baby, there is no failure in bottle feeding. You are supposed to enjoy this time, bind with your baby.

Please do not worry. I topped up dc1 with formula for the first few weeks after being very poorly at their birth. I then ebf for years.

With dc2 I was much more chilled, accepted too ups were happening and also ebf for years.

Take your time. Oh and check for tongue tie!

I couldn't breastfeed for a week early on also because of health reasons. Pumped every three hours, then managed to start again and now do mixed feeding, but predominantly breastfeeding. I always found it harder to latch on a hungry baby, so it might be worth trying to breastfeed a little bit after your baby's had some formula.

Sorry for everything you've been through. It sounds a bit like you're being pressurised into continuing. If it's your choice, great, but if not, you're allowed to stop. Modern formula is really, really good. In Emily Oster's book she looks into the data behind claims made about breastfeeding v formula and there are very few differences. Your baby will be happy, fed and bonded with you either way.

Ds had formula in hospital and very little bm despite pumping. He was bf for a year or so as we phased the formula out when we went home.

Hire a pump or buy a double one for home. Feed then top up with formula.
and relax....I was you in January and got more worried that hospital gave him formula in nicu; but when I suddenly stopped worrying about what he ate and rolled with the mixture and pumped 3 times a day (felt pointless as little came) then milk came in and the morning I woke up with a soaked mattress was a happy day.

I had to force myself to relax though- I watched sweet films to make myself forget where I was and what I was worrying about....lack of milk.
I was feeding every 2.5 hours ish till day 10 when I left hospital. Good luck and don't worry about what milk your baby is getting-all milk is good milk!

Thank you SO MUCH everyone for your lovely replies, this exhausted and very emotional new mum appreciates you all 🙏

I've just hired a madela, I'm 6 days PP and I'm finding it incredibly hard to express more than a few drops by hand so milk so poor little guy is having to work so so hard to get anything and god it's utterly exhausting.

He is latching
@renthead but it's very very tricky to keep it going, he latches for a min or so then flops back either sleepy or screaming. Last two days I've fed him like this on and off for minutes at a time for 4 hour stints which has been around an hour of actual nursing, but he's still starving so then done formula at the end.

Desperately trying to wean back the formula but I don't want him to be hungry and stress I don't know how much more crying I can take. Atm we're on 3/4 formula feeds in a 24 hour period + hours of frustrated nursing. Nappy and weight ok so far (but it's early days).

I'm looking into lactation consultants (holy eff the cost!!!) as I think that may be needed. The health visitor came yest and basically said what everyone's been saying - it can be really hard to establish breastfeeding if you use formula this early.

Im not against combi feeding at all but I do want to breastfeed for the ease and bond, my birth has been so so awful and I'll be so angry and upset if it ruins this for us too. But at the same time I'm truly exhausted and can't stop crying and feel I'm struggling to bond, partly because of the stress of this.

I keep re reading all the responses here though which are soooo reassuring to read 🧡 I appreciate all your replies so much xxx

Hi again lovely mumsnetters. So I've been at it relentlessly and dropped down to just one bottle of formula yest - not against combi feeding at all but it's my mission to make sure BF is also well established. I am feeding him on and off round the clock which I know is normal, problem is he only latches for minutes at a time and fusses constantly at the boob so the whole thing feels like a real battle. Sometimes he's screaming, at night he's often too sleepy to sleep, sometimes he's placid but just flops off..it's taking like 9 hours of obsessively active feeding on my part to get to almost 3 hours actual nursing time... Which can't be enough?! Ugh why is this so hard 😭

Breastfeeding is tough but it does get easier. I know that doesn't really help you now. My third breastfed child had a bottle for the middle of the night/early morning feed because I just felt I didn't have enough milk then. I don't know if there is a particular time of day when that would help you? Have you tried different positions to help your baby latch on? Sorry I can't be more help

I don’t know whether it would help but you could try stopping the clock watching and instead just focus on his output (I.E wet and dirty nappies) and whether or not he’s gaining weight, Offer him the boob every time he wakes up and basically every time he shows any sign of being even slightly hungry. But don’t feel like you have to time how long he’s on for, it will probably just be stressing you out which isn’t going to help. Also try lots of skin to skin in between : during feeds. It will all be helping to up your supply.

finally have you spoke to the breastfeeding network? I’ve found them really useful. Look for free breastfeeding support groups near you too.

I really feel for you @Tor88 and hope things are improving? Breastfeeding can be so, so tough even after a non-complicated birth but add in all that trauma and it's even harder. You are trying to heal while learning a new skill with a new tiny human in your world. I've only realised recently how much the trauma of birth and the hospital experience impacted my early weeks of breastfeeding, but just want to say that I had a very similar birth experience - failed induction, emergency c-section, 8 nights in hospital and also had to introduce formula on night 2 due to concerns about feeds - but 11 months on and I am still breastfeeding. The best money I ever spent was on lactation consultant to come to my home on day 9 and do out a feeding/pumping plan for me. It took exactly 7 days after that to wean off formula and EBF but those felt like some of the longest, hardest days ever. Just know that whatever you manage is amazing! I hope you have lots of support at home, and lots of snacks for those late night feeds :-)💛

@ellewildeireland thank you so much for this lovely message, I read this in the middle of probably my toughest night yet... Our birth experiences sound really similar!! Im just absolutely gutted about the impact it's had on my breastfeeding, it just feels like it's ruining my early chances of bonding with my son because of this constant battle...

just like you I got a consultant in on day 9! But rather than supporting us to wean off formula we actually had to add more in as he wasn't gaining enough weight. He's gained now and we're trying again to back off the top ups, I am 14 days pp today and breastfeeding is still a constant battle. We do get some successful feeds in the day time but it takes constant engagement on my part to keep him going, 50 latch attempts every time... But the nights are just horrendous..he's too sleepy to eat but then won't sleep, so I wake him up properly and he fusses at the breast and no one gets any sleep basically.

Pumping has been miraculous and I'm deffo getting way more milk out now, but it feels so futile if I can't get him happy on the breast. We're gonna do another consultant session... Now I feel Ive spent too much money on it to throw in towel 🙈

So for you things improved around day 16??? And it was worth it??

Thanks again for your encouraging words ❤️

Glad to be of some solidarity @Tor88 💛I know how desperate and despondant I felt in those early days but things did improve for us around that day 16 mark. I think someone mentioned it above but has your baby boy been checked for a tongue-tie? My son's was diagnosed in the hospital and he had it cut at 6 days old which I think was one of our big initial barriers, and then he had to learn how to latch with wider mouth movements. You might have already seen this or had this advice but the best 'technique' the lactation consultant I had showed me was 'the sandwich', both in terms of latch and encouraging milk transfer. (). Improvements were slow and steady-ish, still had lots of hard days/cluster feeding and sleepless nights but looking back, I am happy I persevered. It became much easier by about 8 weeks but it really took a toll on me too and made recovery and bonding a bit harder as I was so drained. So I definitely empathise with how you're feeling. No matter what, you've fed your son for 14+ days which is brilliant. The only other tiny thing that helped me in those early weeks was to force myself to think about the best 3 things about each day and celebrate those, ranging from a successful pumping session to a snuggly baby nap to managing to brush my hair! They are all wins 😊

So sorry you’ve had a rough start and well done mama for trying to persevere. My baby is now 5 months but at the start I was in agony and in hospital for a few nights after birth and due to my large breasts I could not get baby to latch at all. So he had mostly formula cor 4 days. Once I got home the infant feeding team contacted me and I asked them to come over, in the next two days struggled some more so he was 100% formula but those 2 days I pumped whenever he fed for as much as I could and he started taking my pumped milk. Once the infant feeding lady came she got my set up with a nursing pillow and that was that, she showed me different positions and how to latch him. ( I know that’s easier than a lot find)

Just wanted to share my experience, the infant feeding team then came out every few days till I was fully comfortable. Do you have one on your area? Good luck

When bottle feeding have a look at the paced feeding method. I had to combination feed DS too as he struggled to latch and was always hungry, turns out he was tongue tied. However until we had the diagnosis and treatment for the tongue tie, I pace fed him both formula and pumped milk with the bottle and it ensured he didn't refuse breast once he was able to latch properly. I was pleased a midwife told me about this method in week one as we only found out about the tongue tie in week 5 but since around week 8, we've been ebf. Plenty mums combination or formula feed healthy happy babies, just do what's best for you and baby both whether that's breast or bottle.

My LO constantly latched and unlatched and no consultant/midwife could tell me why. After a TON of research I put it down to his tongue tie which we had sorted early on however his tongue tie caused a high palate which means he couldnt compress sufficiently to get enough milk and therefore wouldnt stay on. He also has a slightly recessed chin which again I don't think helped with my physiology either.

I ended up expressing for 4+ months. Ideally if I could have I would have breast fed for a lot longer but it just wasn't meant to be for us.

Anyway just something for you to look into in case you're in similar circumstances.

Hi there, I had similar problems at the start with nipple trauma and tongue tie etc.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF. You have been through so much and you are doing so so so well. It's a terrifying and stressful time. You should be really proud.

My baby did manage to reattach and re latch after two weeks on bottles with the help of nipple shields so it is definitely possible but babies do get used to bottles and that's ok- he's well fed and thriving and you've got him this way! . I would definitely say, if you want to feed him breast milk then it's worth renting or buying a decent breast pump and also the bra attachment so that you can be hands free and do both breasts at once.

The lactation consultants push push push to be exclusive breastfeeding as this is their obsession and their special calling in life. It doesn't have to be for you, it isn't for most mothers.

The stress of what you've been through and the worry of baby getting enough milk now may well impact your supply. The pumping will help you boost this and be reassured about how much milk you're getting.

I never got back to breastfeeding properly apart from my baby snacking or comforting a few times, as well as him getting used to bottles, I also got used to the reassurance of knowing he had eaten enough and I found it hard to trust my body to feeed him enough. I felt a big loss at first for not doing exclusive breatfeeding but now at 5 months he is sleeping like a dream on bottles (4 formula and one breast milk a day, I still pump three times a day because I have help) and I do not envy the breatfeeding mums who are up all night and I have a happy smiley healthy baby, and I've managed to lose my baby weight!

Ps - Someone said to me, no one has ever told her they regret not breastfeeding for a few more weeks when it wasn't working for them, but they have said they regret wasting so much time stressing and being so miserable instead of enjoying their baby. So just hold that in mind if you feel it isn't working for tou- a happy mum is most important for your baby xx

PPs- ask the HV where you can get free lactation consultant - you should be able to get this at a local childrens centre or an nct helpline

I hope this info helps somewhat.

firstly your mental health should be your number one priority. If this is all too distressing take a step back and reevaluate why you are so insistent on BF. If it is too hard your are NOT a failure you are already an amazing Mum from the sheer amount of effort alone.

2. has your baby been checked for a tongue tie? My 2nd had one and I couldn’t feed him for two weeks, every bottle was expressed milk which was so exhausting. At that point I was concerned he wouldn’t latch. At this point I would like to make a suggestion that worked for me. When he is giving you feeding cues do some nipple stimulation to trigger the let down so when you put him to the breast he is getting milk as soon as he starts to suck. That’s one of the things babies don’t understand when changing from a bottle or breast is that the milk isn’t instant if you can get your milk to let down BEFORE you bring him to the nipple it will be flowing for him immediately which may help him stay on. Another thing I did which was hugely helpful was go from a bottle to nipple shields. This got my son onto the breast and he didn’t notice much of a difference as it was the same brand of shield as it was teat of his bottle so it felt farmiliar. I would have got my let down going, put a shield on and he just fed effectively and well, which in turn allowed me to pump so much less as he was putting in the work for me (so much faster than pumping too!) after 6 weeks of nipple shields he transitioned to no shield with a bit of work and I fed him for 10 months.

if you have any questions please ask away

@Tor88 I just wanted to say that as someone who had to introduce small top ups at every feed, I am still feeding (before bed only), my 3 year old daughter. I never thought I'd get through those early days and weeks and I'm still going. Will probably be ending our journey soon. Just wanted you to know it is possible.

You poor thing. Your experience sounds absolutely horrendous. There is absolutely no problem at all feeding formula in any situation, but especially in this sort of situation.

in case it makes you feel better, I abandoned BF with my firstborn at 3 days old, owing to some really poor and scientifically incorrect advice from a useless midwife.

I then formula fed my baby for eight whole weeks, exclusively.

I then did relactation using the good old Medela milking machine. By 12 weeks my DD was fully breastfed and massively porky, and I continued on till she was 2.5 years old.

If you need to formula feed right now for your sanity and your well-being, then that is totally and completely OK. I agree that an in person IBCLC professional will be able to advise best.

best of luck and I hope you recover from the massive trauma. Really, don’t underestimate that, it sounds awful and your poor body will have taken an absolute battering.

Can I echo a previos poster and say be kind to yourself and also enjoy your baby.

if it helps at your stage with my eldest I was still in hospital and my DD was still being heavily supplemented with formula. I had spent 2 weeks in ICU with AFLP
I got out of hospital when she was 23 days old and I was still weak and ill.

I gradually built up the breast feeds, with the help of a hired double pump, and used expressed milk.
It was hard and tiring but we dropped the formula by about 3 months and I continued breastfeeding for 12 months.

it’s good to try but it si also ok to decide to combine feed or go for whatever solution works for you.

I had premie twins less than 2 years later and after 3 months of expressing because they didn’t develop good suck reflexes I switched to formula only because I was exhausted and couldn’t cope anymore.