Everything is too much.. Breastfeeding and life

[WhiteBow2223]

Hey I really don't know what to do in this situation. I'm currently breastfeeding my son who is three months old everything is going fine regarding weight gain. he's feeding efficiently so no issues there. my problem is that he is on my boob constantly since birth the only time he is not is when napping which is usually only about half an hour a few times a day, or playtime on the floor for 10 mins. I am living with my partner and my other son who is only 16 months old. I don't have any help from family or Friends. my partner is at home and mainly minds our toddler, brings him for walks, fulls his day with fun while I breastfeed. however most of the cooking and cleaning responsibilities are on me. my partner does the laundry and tidies up here and there but I have to think about what everybody eats, putting laundry away doing grocery shopping generally just picking up after everybody's shit, which is constant. basically I feel like I am spread so thin from the second I wake up till the second I go to bed it just doesn't stop
The moment he stops feeding my mind races, will I clean the counters, cook, rest, what. I feel so overwhelmed I'm lucky to have my partner at home for now but I feel like I'm not giving my eldest toddler what he needs and I hate being stuck feefing the baby for what feels like all day. I feel like I should give up now and put him on bottles that it might help me mentally to just be able to balance life at home a bit better. I know bottles are a faff but I did it when my eldest turned 5 months as he was screaming for a few weeks and lost weight! but I feel really guilty like should I just go and keep breastfeeding till 6 months at least or is there any real benefit for the extra three months when I feel so crap all the time. I would be happy to keep feeding if my mother would come and help hold him while I shower or help me clean the house but she doesn't care about me and has better things to be doing with her life. It's a complex issue but I can't do this just me and my partner. My mam convinced me to move back to my home place so that she could help with the kids but she's never here I see her for 10 minutes a week after she helps my grandmother on a Friday ( we live in my beside my Grandmother's House who is disabled) anyway I moved home 5 months before having my son I'm finding it really hard to keep going this way but the thought of quitting breastfeeding is making me cry I see how much he loves it and sooths him., so I ask how did people feel when weaning at this age for similar reasons? How will I sooth him? Like he feeds to sleep now, occasionally rocked to sleep by dad. like I can't seem to get over to guilt and I am worried like about hormones. Will I feel very bad if I stop? I feel like my only options is to keep breastfeeding and stop doing everyday things in my life. becuase the late nights cleaning and cooking is making me so tired to have enough milk. Or try the bottles and maybe he will go longer between feeds i can balance things more.

It sounds like you are having a tough time! Could you try combi feeding, so some bottles of formula but some breastfeeding too? I mostly breastfed my DS (but he's an only child at the moment) but he would have a bottle close to bedtime - it would go down so fast compared to breastfeeding!

I found breastfeeding really good for soothing and he'd often fall asleep there, but they will still get those benefits if they are not exclusively breastfed, so try not to feel bad. It's obviously also fine to switch exclusively to formula if that works for you, but sounds like you may not feel ready for that yet.

Oh how did the combo feeding work? He always sleeps from 9pm till 2 or 4 pm. But takes a while to go to sleep he's so fussy. If I just gave him a bottle of formula at 8.30 after a little breastfeed? I think I would feel better if I could get him to sleep after a bottle and have some time to myself. ❤️

@JC89 Oh how did the combo feeding work? He always sleeps from 9pm till 2 or 4 pm. But takes a while to go to sleep he's so fussy. If I just gave him a bottle of formula at 8.30 after a little breastfeed? I think I would feel better if I could get him to sleep after a bottle and have some time to myself. ❤️ I love breastfeeding and don't want to stop I just feel like the situations making me have to give it up but i think I will try the combo feeding.

I used to give him a bottle and then feed him to sleep, hopefully he'll go off quicker if he's already getting full! Might be worth a try anyway...

The health visitor suggested topping him up with a bit of formula, I think he was feeding fine but was a bit slow putting weight on. But replacing some feeds with a bottle might also mean your partner can feed him sometimes while you take your toddler

Combo feeding sounds the way forward.

I know how you feel OP I've been there. I EBF my 8 month old because she always refused a bottle and I also have a 2 year old. Like you, all of the cooking falls on me.

Some easy meals we have when I don't have time/can't be bothered to cook are:
Salmon, veg and rice or instant mash
Marinated chicken (bung in the oven) and oven potatoes/veg
Pasta made with sauce from a jar
Ready meals

It's mostly putting things into the oven as opposed to actual cooking so hopefully that's something your partner could do whilst you BF and occupy your 16 month old.

It does get easier as they get older as they aren't feeding as much.

If you want to continue breastfeeding try introducing expressed milk in a bottle. If you can't be bothered to pump, then try formula.

I combo fed my eldest and introduced a bottle of formula at 5 months. I had no issues with supply because she was still breastfeeding on demand. The bottle just meant I could get a bit of a break.

Congrats on getting through the 4th trimester!

I stopped bf at three months twice, for the same reasons. How did I feel? I felt great. Relieved to share some of the responsibility, regain a sense of control and get a better nights sleep.
I also went back to work pt and felt 100% better.

@JC89 okay you know what I'm going to do this and see how we go, if it ends up being fully formula preferance then so be it but hopefully he will keep breastfeeding alongside the formula too. Than you😊

I'm also a fan of combi feeding.

But also have you tried feeding in a sling/carrier? My dd was older than 3m by the time I managed to crack it but it was useful. It kept my hands semi free for the more straightforward standing tasks eg food prep, or feeding while walking to and from places.

@boomshakalakaboom hi thank you 😊❤️

yes I think I need to make up some easier meals. I'm trying to cook like I did before DS2 was born and yeah, it's not sustainable every day! Just want easier but still relatively healthy. Salmon is great nice and quick.

And we will see how the feeding goes with combo feeding. My supply seems great anyway so I won't go overboard with the bottles. Even 2 a day will help I feel like. I hope!

I kept breastfeeding until 6 months, when I should have given up a week into it, but the guilt just wouldn't let me. I was hardly producing any milk, but the guilt killed me so I kept going. It was the worst 6 months ever and now I look back and I'm angry at myself. Your well-being is just as important as baby's.

@cptartapp that great to hear it helped you. I felt the same when I went to bottles when my first was 5 months it made things much easier. So part of me is remembering the relief it can bring. I feel guilty becuase I have no supply issue now but that was the reason I stopped with DS1. But having a toddler and household to run is just too much it actually is impossible 😂 thanks ❤️

@Mummy08m hia thanks for the reply, I actually have tried in a wrap and an ergo baby, honestly it's the shape of my belly and breasts that's the issue I can't manage it but it would be a huge help! He naps in the carrier but he's heavy, my back doesn't like the idea any more 😂

Batch cooking can also really help, things like stew/curry/chilli freeze well and can be defrosted in the microwave when needed, then you just need some rice/bread to go with it. Slow cooker meals can also be handy, particularly if you can get food in when they are having a nap then ignore it until dinner time.

I couldn't deal with the constant evening breastfeeding so I switched that to formula. I combi fed until 20 months. I wouldn't have lasted that long if I had breastfed exclusively. With combi feeding dd still got the good stuff but I was less exhausted and had a little bit of me time.

@Creepyrosemary oh that's amazing a mount of time to combo feed! How was your day like roughly, when did you give the bottles /how many a day and breastfeed? Sorry, I know the answer to that question will be different depending on the age.

Have you tried going to a sling library to see if they can help you figure out a more comfortable setup? Sling consultants can work wonders.

Why can't your partner step up and do more? Or take both kids out for a walk after you've done a feed? It feels like you're very cross at your mum, but it sounds like your partner is the real issue?

Hi OP. I have an unusual breastfeeding story, insofar as I didn't start fully breastfeeding, with a latched-on baby, until my DS was 5 months old! Prior to that, he was fed a combination of formula and expressed breastmilk via a bottle. I mention this only because I wonder if, given you say you have a good breastmilk supply, there might be a way to build up a supply of breast milk to supplement your baby's feeds, or to enable you to take a break from latched-on breastfeeding sometimes?! But only if this doesn't exhaust you further of course.

@Careerdilemma i won't get in to the situation with my mother here it's very complex. My partner is very helpful he minds the toddler almost all day as in he brings him out, entertains him. He won't take the baby with them because he's hungry all the time. I can't walk for longer then 30 minutes without him needing a feed 😭 he can't cook, nor would I want him too. I delegated the clothes washing to him and he helps tidy around but most of the housework is on me. I used to mind the toddler and tidy/cook at once before I had DS1, he unfortunately had not mastered that skill, maybe someday 😂

Can you partner do more to help once your toddler is in bed? Perhaps he could do an hour's housework every night? You sound exhausted and like you're on the go constantly, so if he's not working, and assuming no major health issues, it only seems fair he should find ways to take the pressure off you.

My lovely, it sounds like you have a difficult time of it and feeding is only one of the things going on here. Life is complicated.

Oh whoops pressed the wrong button. Combo feeding may really help you. Yes bottles can be a faff (all the sterilising) but also much less of a faff than breastfeeding (someone else can do it, bottles are quicker). If your baby is happy with either try and explore a rhythm that works for you.

P.s. "Will you feel bad if you stop" - only you can answer that !! But honestly I loved breastfeeding but it became a nightmare when my DS wouldn't take a bottle and I felt trapped. It works some times but not others. You need to do what's right for you