10 month baby won’t eat, never has, I can’t cope any more and want to leave

[Onlycheeseontoast]

My baby is 10 months this week. She’s always been a nightmare to feed. Started with a tongue tie, hated breastfeeding, struggled with weight gain so went to bottles at 5 months. Solids has been even worse. She has refused everything - all the methods inc BLW - then last week we had an amazing week and she started eating everything. It was incredible. Now she refuses everything again.

The worst part of it is the way I cannot handle it. I get so angry I have to put her down in a room screaming her head off and walk out the room because I want to hit her. And then I feel so bad feeling this way I want to hurt myself. Or leave. I feel like leaving would actually be best.

I don’t know what to do. About any of it.

That sounds really tough, you obviously love your baby and don't want to hurt her, by the fact you are walking away. It's really common for babies to eat well one week and nothing the next. If she is healthy and happy she is probably getting enough calories. Milk is probably still her main source of food at this age. Have you been to your doctor or health visitor for support?

Your in a stressful place OP and it's totally understandable however there is help available for you. Please see your GP about postpartum anxiety (it often triggers these moments of feeling angry followed by wanting to hurt yourself and leave) it's common in the first year of babies life.
And your health visitor should be able to support you with babies feeding but food is just play for the first year so you've got time yet for her to get the hang of it.
My second DC just refused food to begin with, then one day my friend just gave him a banana and he ate it. He just didn't like the size of food I was offering or a spoon being near him. Now he's willing to eat things but only if they're exactly the way he likes them.
You will get through this.

Well done for putting her down and leaving the room to cool down, it’s fine if she screams for a few minutes, if you are at the end of your tether and need a second to cool down. It isn’t normal how you are feeling though - so please do call your Heath Visitor and GP and let them know you need help urgently.

She's only 10 months, milk is her main source of food still, everything else is just nibbles and tastes of foods.

Put the food in front of her ,if she hasn't eaten anything within 15/ 20 mins then just clear away. No fuss, no trying to tempt her, just get in with your food and leave her to it.

She will eat when she's ready and hungry. There's nothing you can do to make her.

Parents vastly over estimate what their babies 'should' be eating ime.

💐

Food is for fun until they turn one. Honestly, it’s totally normal for a baby to be slow with solids, eat one week and not the next etc. Can you just give her a few bits to try and not worry if she doesn’t fancy them? Just offer tastes and don’t sweat it if she’s not interested. Maybe have a chat with your HV about how you’re feeling?

Honestly with one of mine I was tempted to just chuck it on the floor myself!

If she's a healthy weight and getting enough calories from milk, I'd really give yourself a break. Have her sit with you when you have your meals and give her bits to try, don't put any pressure on.

As others have said, eating one week abs not the next is perfectly normal.

Also anger can be a symptom of Postnatal Illness. I would speak to your GP urgently but in the meantime it would probably be useful if you speak to the PANDAS Foundation.

I grew up with a M who had unaddressed PNI and problems with anger. You really don't want that for your DD

Have you thought about making food a play time sensory experience instead for now?
It will take the pressure off and gives you a relaxed way to introduce solids.

My last child was NG tube fed and weaning started at 5 months, it was a very long process, but what really helped was when I got a small paddling pool ontop of a tsble cloth, sat him in it with just a nappy or nappy and vest on and plopped a different food in now and then, repeating certain ones until he was happy to interact with it.
The weather is perfect to start this now and you'll also get some great pictures for the future.

Just pop into a high chair with a few different bits of good. A cooked carrot penny, a slice of banana, a finger of toast, a spoon of yoghurt in a small bowl and a spoon, half a dozen peas. Just see what baby does. If it throws food on the floor it really does not matter. Just try 3 times a day and feed the milk. Milk mixed with baby rice so it's sloppy might be accepted on a spoon.

My first didn’t eat until 13 months and even then it was tiny amounts, like half a grape or a bite of breadstick in a meal. My friends all had babies who were tucking into massive meals and I felt like a complete failure.

My DD is named after her long gone great grandmother and has never felt any pressure. We told her why she is named for her and she likes the story!

Sorry I've replied on the wrong post!

My 5 year old still doesn't eat much. You do learn that they will survive on what they eat. Just put the food down in front of her, and leave her too it. Way less stress.

Does sound like there's more going on though and you should see your GP/health visitor for some support.

One of mine didn't really swallow anything until over 1. Enthusiastically gummed at it then spat it out. He was fine with milk and baby vitamins. It sounds like food has become a pressure point, so stop and reset. If it is that stressful for you, it won't be helping her either. Try just eating food that she can, either on the floor, or with her on your lap, so she isn't offered any, but can grab what she wants. Wear clothes that you don't mind getting messy. When there is no pressure for her to try any, she will probably get interested in what you are doing.

@Onlycheeseontoast

how did this turn out did she start to eat eventually? In a similar position
filled with dread every meal xxx