Stalked for 4yrs… breastfeeding worry

[BarbieElmo]

So, possibly a weird one, but I’m curious if other people have felt similar…

Im currently 32 weeks pregnant with my first child and soo excited. I’ve been with my partner for almost 4 yrs, he’s supported me through illness and disability and been there through some really hard times so there’s no one I feel more comfortable around than him.

Im 28 now but when I was 14 through to 18 I was being stalked by a 30+ yr old man who frequently told me his very graphic plans to kidnap me, hold me up in his place in London and make me his sex slave, and detailed the planned abuse. It was a terrifying time for me, especially when he was watching me from outside my house or leaving school. Long story short, as a child I thought my parents would blame me in some way if I told them this man was following me (like they’d think I’d somehow brought it upon myself) so I stayed quiet until I eventually went to the police when I was 18 (who encouraged me to also tell my parents). My parents didn’t blame me in the end, and were shocked. Police ended up cautioning the man and thankfully he never actually got his hands on me and I never heard from him again.

14 years later, I think I still have some emotional scars from the experience. In this particular situation, I’ve been discussing with my partner breastfeeding our baby. Our friends and family members who have had children seem to be perfectly comfortable breastfeeding in front of almost anyone (which I admire about them!) but I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable to breast feed (uncovered) even around our closest family members, even my mum. My partner thinks that most mums feel like that initially but after a couple weeks/months of breastfeeding every few hours a lot of women will just say “ahh f**k it!” And be comfortable to whip them out lol. To me it feels like there is this wall in my mind that goes up, the only person I feel comfortable to see me in a bra is my partner and that’s it. I know that nursing bras and nursing clothing minimise how exposed you are.. but I just don’t think like I could do it in front of anyone except my partner.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Did you feel more comfortable over time and did anything help?

Also.. if I always cover me and baby when feeding in front of people, will people think I’m weird? We don’t know anyone that uses a cover, so amongst our groups I feel like I’ll be the odd one out.. or people might feel like I’m judging THEM for not covering.. or I might have to try and explain myself over and over.

I know at the end of the day I should probably just say “f**k it, do whatever, who cares what people think!” But it would be nice to know if anyone else has had past stalking/sexual harassment affect their approach to breastfeeding in front of people and what they’ve done :)

thanks!

*is their head

You are definitely more likely to draw attention to yourself breastfeeding by using a cover. It makes it obvious.

Many times I have had people come up to me to admire my baby/toddler while I’m feeding and some of them still don’t even realise I’m feeding when they get close. It just looks like you’re cuddling them.

No one is going to judge you for covering. Lots of friends who got comfortable feeding new borns started covering when their babies got a bit older and became nosy 6 month olds who would unexpectedly have a look round leaving their mun exposed! My sil exclusively breastfed but always did it privately. She would just go into another room and say the baby was a wriggler and needed somewhere calm. No one batted an eye lid.

I used an apron for a while but then discovered it was easier for me to wear a stretchy vest under a baggy top. Top up, vest down and for some reason that felt more discreet than unbuttoning a shirt. If you're out and about lots of shop will provide you with a private place. John Lewis has a dedicated room and M and S will give you a changing room if you ask for somewhere to feed your baby.

I honestly would see how you feel and remember no one is judging you. Sorry that you had such an awful experience

Firstly I am so sorry for your terrible experience at the hands of a stalker.What a world we live in, where some low life scum thinks it acceptable to terrify a child of 14! Secondly no one will judge you wherever you feed. Thankfully I never had an experience like yours ,however I never felt so comfortable "whipping them out"! The Mothers Union baby group we attended, had another room where things were stored ,so I nipped in there .No one noticed! If out shopping would normally feed in the car . lots of shops have mother and baby rooms also.Of course as your DH says ,you may feel easier about it at the time.Either way its your decision ,your boobs ,and your baby!