Did you breast feed one DC and not the other? Did you feel guilty?

[papaya]

Basically I struggled BIG time to bf DD, discharged from hosp in 24 hours and the midwives forgot to come out and see me for a further 3 days after I had been had home, despite DH and I ringing & ringing saying I was struggling to feed etc nipples hurt so much they bled, hasten to say by the 3rd day when dd wouldn't stop crying, dh and I were so convinced she was going to starve to death if we didn't do something we put her on formula.

Currently preg with DC2, due 5 wks, and I am really struggling to decide whether to give bf'in a go, or whether to just put him straight on bottles?? I am really worried if I am successful I will feel so guilty I didn't persevere with DD.
p.s. I know the benefits of bf'ing etc , just want to know if you felt guilty for b'fing one and not the other and how did you overcome it??

i didn't bf ds1 but did bf ds2, and tbh i can say that even though breast is best for baby, i found it very hard to cope some times as ds2 fed every 30-60 minutes, and i managed to feed ds2 for 4 month before i put him on fomula, and i only put him on fomula because i could not satisfie his hunger.

Whatever you decide, i am sure you will make the right choice for you and your family.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Hi i bottle fed dd1&2 as they didnt enjoy breast feeding but dd3 took to it like a duck to water and was mix fed for the first 8 weeks before she got too hungry!

I have 5 children, b/f 3 of them and bottle fed 2.

My 1st was like yours, discharged early with no good follow up care so gave up after 3 days.
Then I had twins and 1 was great at b/f while the other didn't really take to it and I was so bloody tired I didn't have the energy to struggle with her and her sister I did feel a bit guilty but knew I was doing the best I could.
I went on to have another at 33 weeks and b/f her for a year, I was determined this time and although it was a struggle we finally got there
Now have ds1 who is 14 months and still b/f.
I sometimes feel slightly guilty that they weren't all b/f but again I know I did the best I could

papaya, there's loads I did/didn't do with my first that I did/didn't do with my subsequent babies....we learn as we go along with parenting, don't we? I don't feel a bit guilty about it, as I did what I thought was best at the time....as you did with your first: you put her on formula because you were scared for her well-being, and because you had crap support.

I wonder if you are scared not so much of feeling guilty if you breastfeed, but because you are worried about the same, scary, lonely thing happening again in those intense first few days?

If so, then you will know this time how to ensure it doesn't happen that way.

yes middle one was breastfed for twelve months the other two not

as life goes on they all get different things

i would try and breastfeed if that is what you want

papaya, sounds like an awful experience for you, I can perfectly see why you're thinking twice about trying it again. I only bf ds1 for 7 weeks and struggled/hated it throughout. DS2 I was v.nervous about but kept trying and bf for 10.5 months until he gave up (which I cried about). I don't feel guilty about ds1 and I dont think you should feel guilty about your dd - you had just had a baby, no idea bout what to do (and it is NOT straightforward for loads of people) and she was upset. I would have done the same thing. Is she a smiling, happy, healthy child now? I bet she is, breastfeeding's just one thing you do for them, it's not everything.
If you do decide to try to bf your new baby, make sure you have nos of the organisations to hand (e.g. La Leche, NCT Breastfeeding Helpline, local bf support etc) as they are incredibly helpful just in case you have the same lack of midwife support as last time. Most hospitals have a bf expert on staff (or more than one!) so find out her name now so you can ask for help directly after the birth. Try to stay in hospital longer if you possibly can as they can't ignore you if you're taking up a bed! Good luck with it all

No I don't feel guilty, if anything I realised I really did the best for myself and ds1 at the time!

sorry to bore anyone with this story again, but OP you may not have read this before so here goes.

With ds1, he was born Esection, he was knackered I was knackered (to the point when they were giving me my spinal I thought I was going to die with tiredness and did not care!! DS1 had jaundice, I tried to BF, but the support on the ward was mixed from staff.. one in particular was very negative and I pestered all the time for help on checking he was latching on ok etc etc. However he got sleepier and harder to feed and then it took another nurse from another ward to see him and tell the MW to move him to transitional care, he was so nothing like with the jaundice he nearly needed a blood transfusion and whilst I kept expressing he needed to gain weight and we used formula as he kept pulling the tube out of his nose that had been feeding him.
When we left hospital he started to lose weight again, he cried all the time, he was stuck on my boob, I was still knackered from my section trying to recover and then I decided enough was enough to ensure we both thrived formula was to be used (had no outside support as bf counsellor in area useless) From that moment things improved greatly.. now at nearly 5yrs ds1 has been healthy, he was a healthy babe too.

Now 4 wks ago I had ds2.. I really wanted to give bf a better chance to work this time, so bought a book, started a thread here that bf can work after an elective section, and mentally psyched myself up.. hmm, still wasn't prepared for all the initial pain/long nights, no sleep, bout of mastitis not long ago.. but it works (though still need to refine the skill and am NOT guilty that ds1 was not BF.. why.. because I understand WHY it did not work first time around, like I say did the best I could with no support and at the end of the day I look at ds1 now and have no complaints.. he always has been in good health, he is soo easy going and was a baby too, and what happened happened, no need to give myself a hard time and you don't need to either.

Infact I joke to DH we have an experiment going on bottlefed vs bf babe, but of course it could never be a true experiment because of the variable of their own unique personality! I'd say give it a go. I was also lucky because the hospital support this time around (different hosp) was FANTASTIC and I'd also paid for an amenity room, I think I might have given in to bottles if I hadn't because I had one hell of a noisy babe!!

I don't feel at 4 weeks I have the whole thing cracked but it has been hard and only very recently has things looked brighter.

All the best.. and sorry for the essay