Cluster feeding and bedtime routines - incompatible?!

[sarahloumadam]

My 11 week old bf baby camps out on my lap most evenings. I am perfectly happy with this arrangement but all the books (I know, I know chuck out the books!) say that you should start to think about a bedtime routine around the 3 month mark. Do babies grow out of cluster feeding? Or am I destined to spend all my evenings in the attic bedroom?!

Surely 'routine' just means a predictable sequence of events? Why shouldn't your feedathon be part of that? DD is only 6wks and I have already started to think about a routine - mostly these thoughts consist of wondering how anybody manages it and acknowledging the unlikelihood of ever achieving it myself.

they do grow out of it!

for a good while we had a 7pm routine of eg nappy-free time / bath / pyjamas / story, but just carried on cluster feeding her afterwrads.
Eventually she had a single feed and a brief nap after the story, and from there it's a short step to sleeping till the 11pm feed, and you're on track.

If you are happy with the arrangement then I would ignore the book!

I spent a lot of my evenings cluster feeding DS ....but I chose to feed & hold him on my lap in the lounge watching tv or browsing the net . He is now 3.5 & still feeds to sleep some nights but others just comes & sits on my lap & falls asleep watching tv with me...I guess if I wanted to be out & about in the evenings then it would have bothered me....but I don't; I'm quite happy sat in front of the tv or PC having a lovely long cuddle with DS!

You are both right of course I should just do all the bath/story stuff etc and then carry on supplying the goods. I guess my real question is should I do the feeding in our bedroom rather than stay downstairs in his "daytime" environment.

x-post Terramum - thanks for your post, my instict is to follow his lead and do as you do. Those pesky books (and in-laws etc)!

oh carry on feeding him downstairs

else you'll never see dh / eat dinner / watch any tv

once dd started napping after the last feed we tried to keep her upstairs/quiet/dark if she woke again, but often gave in and brought her down, but with low lights, no toys etc.

oh i'm so glad someone asked this, it reminded me i wanted to ask!!

sarahloumadam i have a 9wk old dd and before she started this cluster feeding we had a routine now it has gone out the window. at 1st i was trying to do the cluster feeding in the quieter, darker bedroom, but it was so lonely and now she;s up with me till midnight watching movies and going on the internet - feels wrong! but there's no way i could sit alone or with no tv etc for all these hours.

going to just go with the flow for now. actually she's been doing this for 3wks now but in the past 2 nights she seems a little less hungry and actually slept for an hour between feeds at one point so i'm hoping this is slowing down a bit.

does yours have little "power naps" between feeds? i keep thinking i might have a chance of putting her down but she just seems to take 5 mins to recharge her batteries!

yep, I'm up with my nine week old DD right now, alternately feeding, watching TV and MNetting. We do it quietly without much chatting, and it sure beats pacing around the dark bedroom trying to force her to sleep. It means that when we put her down at about midnight (or 2330, or 0100) then she sleeps through to sixish, give or take an hour. It's not what the books advise but we needed sleep at night so desperately that it seems to work for us. It also means DH gets to spend time with his LO.

Myabe it was the cluster feeding that was the difficulty. After about 4 or 5 months (IIRC) both mine would cluster feed all through dinner time then would go to sleep about 8pm for a couple of hours. It was at that point that a routine started to establish.

Glad it's not just me!

Caz10 - yep, he powernaps between feeds and his eyes ping open if I attempt to put him down. He won't even tolerate a move to DH's lap now - he needs to be near those boobs!

Wobbegong - we have a similar set-up where he goes down about 10/11 and then wakes for a brief feed around 4 then back down for a couple of hours. Reading these posts makes me think why am I even worrying about so called bedtime routines - we already have one, just not the one that the health visitors talk about!

Interesting to know that cluster feeding tails off eventually.

sarahlou - not all the books say to have a routine! Find a different book if you find the ones you have don't fit with your ideas. You'll be spoilt for choice.

Cluster feeds do tail off as the baby grows.

Feed your baby where you feel most comfortable

Numbersix - that sounds blissful!

Tiktok - can you recommend any books then?

OK - I would recommend BabyCalming by Caroline Deacon as an easy read, and for a more scientific look at why it is important to respond to a baby's expressed needs, try 'Why Love Matters - how affection shapes a baby's brain' by Sue Gerhardt.

Thanks Tiktok, I'll check them out .

DS has fallen asleep at 8pm for the past two nights and I have had to wake him at 11 for a quick feed so perhaps he is settling down - we'll see!

oh that's fab sarahloumadam! dd is now cluster feeding till about 10.30ish, then can normally get about 1hrs sleep from her, then sometime after midnight she'll go down and sleep until anywhere between 5-7. not bad! (but i am still tired!!)

Not bad at all Caz but not surprised you are still tired, still a broken nights sleep plus cluster feeding is knackering! I feel all wrung out by the time he has finished with me!