Struggling with breastfeeding and want to give up

[Kindofcrunchy]

Looking for some reassurance as I'm close to giving up. My baby is 9 weeks old and we are really struggling with breastfeeding. Three weeks ago the health visitor told us baby's weight gain was poor and we would need to supplement to boost it. A lactation consultant assessed a feed and diagnosed a posterior tongue tie. They recommended I express and feed extra in bottles / syringes as baby's working too hard to get the milk out (too many sucks for each swallow). So far this has not gone well, every time we offer a bottle baby gags and rejects it (pace feeding, trying different teats) and when we syringe milk into baby's mouth they gag and vomit it back up. We had the tie snipped last week and were told there was a high bubble palate, which explains the gagging and throwing up, but then how are you supposed to supplement if baby won't accept a feeding tool? My other half is very supportive and does as much as they can to help me. We have got the bits for an sns which we haven't tried yet, but we have another young child to look after and it's hard to find the time to set this up for each feed. Feeds are extremely stressful during the day with lots of crying and presumably frustrated screaming. I'm doing breast compressions during feeds to try and drain the breast as well as I can, but baby hates me doing it and I obviously can't do it in public so I don't go out. I also have vasospasm in my nipples. I really feel like I've failed at this and should just give up but I can't even do that because baby won't take a bottle.

Not looking for practical advice really, but if anyone has had a similar experience and came out on the other end with a better breastfeeding relationship then it would be great to hear from you. I don't want to bottle feed but this situation isn't sustainable and my mental health is suffering.

Be kind to yourself. You have breastfeed for 9 weeks so your baby will have already had a lot of the benefits of breastfeeding. My son completely refused bottles which was very hard. Eventually there was an emergency situation and mum had to look after him, within a few hours he happily accepted the bottle ( formula as I couldn't express) maybe being away from me, not smelling my milk made a difference. I continued to mix feed until he was 2 and I have very happy memories of the majority of our breastfeeding experience

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. You've done an amazing job to keep going for these 9 weeks. You have given your baby such a good start already.

I had lots of problems with breastfeeding and very little support from professionals. My daughter had a tongue tie, high palate and then her tongue tie needed doing again as it connected back up. Feeding was always very painful and we ended up using nipple shields for forever. I found La Leche League very supportive. It was all zoom and phone support due to pandemic which meant I didn't even have to bother getting dressed to go out.

If your baby is still gaining weight and having plenty of wet and dirty nappies then that's a good sign. It gives you a bit of breathing space to try supplementing at the feeds you have the most time to and not stress about doing it every feed.

They say get support but in reality the available support is never enough.

I feel like I need a qualified lactation professional with me for every feed to help, and to help us supplement, but obviously that's not possible.

I've combi fed before and didn't think actual breastfeeding would be harder / take a bigger toll on my mental health! Not to mention the expense. I've spent more on private lactation support than we spent on breast pumps and formula paraphernalia for my first!

No wonder so many people give up. It's hard and hasn't come naturally to me at all. :(

@Wrongsideofpennines feeding itself is actually really comfortable, it's the milk transfer part which is the issue. So I'm have to basically express into baby's mouth so that I know the breast is going some way to being drained. It's exhausting, baby hates it, I hate it, I can't do it in public so I don't go anywhere for long periods of time in case it clashes with a feed. Just a nightmare

@Ratatouille1 this would be ideal but for us so far it's been impossible to get baby to even latch properly onto the bottle :( not to mention all the stress and anxiety it entails

You're having a hard time for sure. Can I check I have this right with what you've said.

Baby has a tongue tie and high palate. He's able to latch on to you but there's concern he's not transferring milk well.

His weight isn't doing as well? What is happening with that? Is he losing centiles?

You have an sns which is a good start as it sounds like he can latch.

You don't necessarily have to supplement every feed. You could look at doing a combi feed route with using the sns for 2 or 3 feeds a day and just breast for the others. That might give you the boost he needs and the ability to combine it with family life in general.

Have a look for some free breastfeeding support in your area. There might be a few groups you could go to each week that will allow you some chat time as well as support.

@Twizbe correct. Latch & positioning is fine. It's just milk transfer which is an issue. Weight has gone from 75th centile at birth to 20th centile now.

We are going to try the sns tonight for the evening feeds.

I say this every week but I'm going to try to go to a group, though I'm guessing they can't help with serious issues. Having someone to talk to who has had problems with feeding would be great though as I'm literally on my own, don't know anyone who had bf issues or they just bottle fed so no help there

Give the SNS a go and do try to get to the group.

NCT or La Leche league ones will have a qualified lactation consultation / breastfeeding counsellor there. The lady that does our one is really knowledgeable and can help with more complex issues. They can also help with SNS.

Often they will have volunteers like me as well. Breastfeeding peer supporters. The vast majority of us had issues breastfeeding and will be more than happy to listen to you and support as best we can. Sometimes all you need is someone to listen.

I hope the SNS works to help stabilise the percentile.

Hello 👋 wonder if you could give an update on how things went? I'm in a very similar situation. X