Breastfeeding toddler now painful. Is this is end?

[fibeee]

Our breastfeeding journey had a difficult start but has been mostly plain sailing until a few weeks ago. I’m now finding it very difficult. DD now twists and turns while BFing and unlatches and twists my nipple round several times a feed when something else catches her interest. Her latch has also become very shallow and I can see teeth marks every time she comes off.

Just over a week ago the pain when feeling her was toe curling. When inflammation set in I was diagnosed with mastitis. The pain has subsided a lot when feeding but has not completely gone. Still some inflammation around the nipple too.

Feeling a bit at the end of my rope with it all. I’ve had one virus after the next this winter and mastitis at the end of all that has just broken me.

I’d love to here other stories of BFing a near 3 year old just so I feel less alone. Can anyone offer some advice on how to make BFing pain free again? Is this nature’s way of telling me that we’ve come to the end of our journey?

Sending solidarity. I'm at a similar stage to you. It's bloody tough and you can feel very alone.

Do you think she would listen to you if you explained that it was hurting and that if she wants to nurse she needs to do X, Y and Z? Try and instill some more nursing manners?

Has she finished teething?

I started to get breastfeeding agitation once my little ones were toddlers and it became hard to stand it. It was such a relief when I didn’t have to breastfeed anymore and it’s so, so nice to have cuddles without having to breastfeed - my body was mine again. I got my daughter a parting gift ‘from my boobs’ and she was ok with stopping.
Go at a pace that works for you and your daughter and don’t feel guilty for feeling like it’s enough now. It’s a triumph breastfeeding long enough to make it to Advanced Toddler Breastfeeding Gymnastics.

Can you try to be firm with her and explain she needs to feed properly or she doesn't get to at all?

I breastfed my first son until he was 4. He went through a phase where, like yours, he stopped feeding properly. The latch wasn't as comfortable and he'd often leave teeth marks (although nowhere near as bad as what you describe) and he started to do an on and off feeding thing when he was maybe around two and a half. He wanted to keep feeding for the comfort, but also wanted to be climbing and running off or playing with toys at the same time and I had to be very firm with him that if he was feeding he had to do it properly or not at all because he was hurting me. He was old enough that he eventually got the message. Or maybe it was just coincidence, it's hard to know. But we were able to carry on with no problems after that.

Breastfeeding my second now who's 21 months and he is starting to mess about too with feeding but it's harder this time because he doesn't understand much and doesn't have any words yet so I'm not sure how that's going to go. We'll see. I definitely think I'll be weaning the second earlier than I did his brother whatever happens.

Hope it resolves for you and you can carry on for as long as you both want to. But if not then maybe it is nature's way of saying it's a good time to let the breastfeeding journey come to an end and that you're able to make peace with it.

How long were you planning to go on for?

It does feel like it’s a good time to finish up if you are OK with that, when she turns 3 she’s out of toddlerhood anyways.

The goodbye BF gift PP mentions works v well I think.

How often/when are you feeding her?

Could it be just a before bed and/or morning thing in quiet in her bedroom!

I think as they age you have to alter positioning slightly. Move her so she is looking up at you with her chin tucked in to your breast. If she has a bit of a lazy latch, teach her to open her mouth wide like she is doing a big yawn.

Thanks for your replies.

@Coffeeandnaps she is becoming much easier to reason with now that we’re leaving the terrible 2s behind us. It didn’t occur to me to have a chat about nursing manners but it is worth a try. She can be a very kind and considerate child when she’s in the mood!

@GangnamGran I love the idea of a parting gift from the boobs! I do feel very emotional about stopping because I think DD will probably be my only baby and it all feels very final and upsetting. She is also a complete boobaholic and I don’t have the resilience right now for the inevitable drama!

If the latch is hurting, get her to try again until it's comfortable.

Also nursing manners - feed or stop but no half feeding, half looking around.

Get more rest / a break for you if you can. Eat well and drink lots.

It may be just a phase that will pass.

Thank you everyone for your replies and sharing your experiences. It’s making me feel a lot less alone.

In response to the questions I don’t really know how long I was planning to go for. When I had DD I wanted to BF for about 6 months. Since I had a relatively easy time and DD was a boobaholic I kept going beyond that thinking she would loose interest eventually and self wean. I’m still waiting for that to happen!

I try to stick to feeding her twice a day during the week - morning and before bed. But since I work full time during the week she is very clingy at the weekends and wants to nurse constantly for comfort.

I guess at weekends you enforce manners then. Also if she hurts stop her and offer a cuddle instead "I don't think you actually want milk, so shall we snuggle instead?"

At weekends you could actually just say it's not milk time but let's have a snuggle 🥰