I'm feeling guilty

[FebMama]

DS2 is now 4.5 weeks old and is EBF. I had a moment earlier today when it occurred to me that I'm actually not enjoying breastfeeding as much as I did with my eldest (now 3 year old). And feeling this way is filling me with guilt. I'm not sure why I feel the way I do.

He feeds great. Putting on weight well, plenty of wet and dirty nappies.

I am planning on combi feeding soon anyway (that was always the plan). But I remember thoroughly enjoying breastfeeding my eldest and not feeling this way at all.

I don't know what I want from this post I guess I just needed to put it out there. Has anyone else felt this way with their second?

I understand you completely and please don’t feel guilty about it. Breastfeeding is tough going. I started breastfeeding and then wasn’t able to continue and even now, nearly a year later I feel guilty.
It’s easier said than done but go easy on yourself, you carried, birthed and now caring for a tiny baby. You’re doing everything you can for your new baby and their sibling.

@Hiddenvoice thank you so much for the kind words. I think I'm comparing too much. The guilt comes from knowing how much I enjoyed it the first time and not feeling the same way the second time. I think part of it is me being conscious of the time it takes to feed DS2 and how it takes me away from DS1 at certain times whereas time wasn't an issue the first time around!

Don't feel guilty at all!
I think sometimes you also block out the rubbish parts with your first so then it can feel different etc.

Do you have a sling/baby carrier? I mastered bf DS2 in that and it was a game changer meant I could feed on the go whilst taking eldest to the park. Areas often have sling libraries too where you can hire and try them out. I found the ergo one best for me and was able to pick one up 2nd hand.

Make sure your pace feeding the bottle to reduce chances of issues and tummy overstretch and make sure boobs are OK for the feed. There is usually a growth spurt around 6 weeks of a supply boost so just be aware baby might cluster feed then too.

I completely understand where you're coming from! I've had the same feelings BFing DD2, she's nearly 6 months now. Strange because it's actually an easier feeding journey this time round but think a lot of the issue is that it's more time taken away from DD1 (nearly 3). I'm also combi feeding which I think does help especially at bedtime when the toddler only wants mummy.
Don't put so much pressure on yourself, you're right in the thick of it just now but it does get easier. Please don't feel guilty, you're doing amazing

@FebMama i felt exactly the same! My eldest is 2 now and my baby 4 month. I ended up BF my 2nd for 2 months because it just felt more like a chore this time round. We did have feeding difficulties so that could have been a contributing factor but even if there weren’t challenges I think I would have stopped anyway

I have wonderful memories of feeding DD1 as a tiny baby (and also horrendous ones because it was so challenging for the first month). Reading this I've just realized that I don't really have any similar memories of DD2. I think I just didn't enjoy babyhood as much the second time around full stop. I also had a 2 year old at home and everything was a bit more of a chore, including BF? There's no novelty factor with your second.

The baby doesn't know or care if you're loving it or not, so I'd just try to forget the guilt. And your feelings might change- I do have fab memories of feeding DD2 as a toddler which I never got the first time because my first weaned much earlier.

Such a relief to hear other people have experienced the same!! Thank you all for your kind words.

I also think it's because DS2 is showing signs of reflux and so I am regularly taking breaks during the feed to wind him, feeds just take absolutely ages. As a previous post says, it really does feel like a chore! And it makes me feel horrible to say that 🙁

With my eldest, I EBF him for about 5 months before introducing formula and combi feeding. I'm planning to combi feed a lot sooner this time. Probably in the next week or so. I cannot for the life of me remember how best to go about it other than to do it gradual and slowly replace feeds over time... does anyone have any tips? What's the best way to go about it so that my boobs don't get engorged and uncomfortable?

@FebMama so pace feeding the bottle, if he's refluxy then you will have to do the same breaks and wind him.
Milk production is generally higher in the morning so to begin with would keep these as bf and either introduce an evening bottle or afternoon bottle. If reflux I personally would go for a afternoon in first instance incase it makes him worse. DS1 formula turned him into a screaming banshee so we couldn't combi feed but he had expressed milk.

If you have a hakaa then first morning feed can be a easy way to collect milk if giving expressed.
For the feed you miss you will need to hand express so that you don't get engorged. If that doesn't take enough off then a pump but only til you feel comfortable don't do a full 30min pump cycle.

If OK with afternoon then you can introduce a evening bottle in a few days, just make sure your not missing 2 feeds in a row without pumping as you will risk engorgement.

@Scottishskifun thank you so much! That's super helpful