16 month old nipple biting

[Bornin1989]

(Copied thread from Parenting in the hope someone can help!)

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some advice. I breastfeed my daughter to sleep at night (and not looking for opinions on this, it's what I want to do) but lately she's been biting my nipple in a playful/see what reaction it gives kind of way. Here's what I've been doing to stop it:

• Originally I was ignoring it completely and tbh she wasn't doing it hard, and it was relatively infrequent. She started a sleep regression (I think because we've had to switch childminders) and it started becoming more frequent I think due to boredom so I decided to change tack and do something more proactive about it.

What I'm doing now is:

• First time it happens, say (calmly but firmly) "No teeth or mummy's booby is gone. Teeth make mummy ouch!" (as I know she knows what all these words mean).

• Second time it happens, I put boob away and say "No teeth! Booby is gone". This usually results in a "fake cry" tantrum which eventually escalates into a full-blown tantrum.

• During the tantrum I lie there quietly and occasionally offer a cuddle. Usually the offer results in more escalation so I've stopped doing this as much. If I ask her if she wants to lie down, this is usually a "yes" but tantrum carries on.

• Eventually I feel it's becoming cruel and I say "Did you want booby?" (Yes) "Then no teeth, or booby is gone. Teeth on booby make mummy ouch" etc. etc. and I breastfeed again.

• Last night was the first night she bit me a second time after this routine. I thought I'd just stop and she would cry and go to sleep but the upset it caused instinctively felt cruel so I eventually offered it her again and she didn't do it again.

• I am praising her when she's doing it nicely.

I'm trying to practice gentle parenting; none of her actions are met with anger but my warnings are firm. I want a firm boundary, but the tantrums escalate to a point where she's gagging, coughing etc. I feel like it's cruel; she's 16 months and even though she might understand the consequence, she's hard wired to be pushing the boundary and she doesn't have the maturity to practice self control.
It's complex because, unlike her tantrumming because she wants a chocolate bar or something like that, which I would be able to hold firm on, breastfeeding is her security blanket and connection to mummy etc. and it just makes me feel evil to withold it.

Here's where I need advice.

How long should I hold out on the tantrum for? I've been leaving it 10-15 minutes, but someone on another forum mentioned to me that a 1yo is supposed to only have 60 seconds of time out. I don't even know if this is the equivalent of a time out? Should I try a different method alltogether? I need strength of conviction if I'm going to hold out for longer than 10 mins, I was sobbing last night after she bit me the second time as I felt so awful for her upset.

Any thoughts/links to resources would be really appreciated, thanks!

Mine did this too. Would bite and look me in the eye while doing it so I knew it was intentional. What worked on mine was:

• 1st bite- I’d pop them off my boob immediately and say, firmly “No. no biting.” Then immediately put them on other boob.
• 2nd bite- I’d pop them off my boob immediately and say, firmly “No biting. Both are too hurt for milk now, so no more while they get better” and I’d offer them a sippy cup of water or solid food instead, if they didn’t want that, then I’d distract them with play or hand them off to dad and leave.

Only took 2-3 repeats of this for them to stop biting completely.

My middle dc started biting me at 13months. I had b/f dc1 till about 2.5, with no biting ever, so not averse to longer b/f, but I wasn’t going to be bitten! It was a mutual decision to stop at that point, I felt. Dc wasn’t bothered at all!

Thanks! This is very similar to what I'm doing except as it's only at bedtime my distraction/alternative options are really limited 😔Sounds like it might be that I leave the room on the second bite then my partner takes over; I get the feeling this will NOT go down well for her but I guess that's the consequence of a second nip! It's so hard!

I'd consider giving up if it was happening at other points too, but it's only at night and only been bad for the last few nights in a row. I might wait until she's been at her new childminders for two weeks to see if it's that which is causing the sleep regression behaviour/need to push boundaries at night, then we might have to consider weaning 😥

Give it a go. I pretty much acted like a bit nipple = a boo boo that has to get better before I can nurse again. So two boobs= second chance. Which isn’t always a fib…they’ve bitten hard enough to draw blood before. And having partner take over and you leave means they know he has no boobs, the boobs are gone. He can say too mummy’s boobs hurt, so you have me now to read a story or sing songs and I have water for you to drink and lots of daddy cuddles.

Thanks for this. Looks like that's the ticket! Ouch, I'm glad she's not drawn blood - they're just little bites at the mo (in fact I wonder if she's experimenting for how soft the bite can be before it counts, it wouldn't surprise me knowing her 😂).

My baby is a few months younger and a bit bitey at times, I actually think some of it is due to teething and the latch needing to change to accommodate the teeth.
So I usually say ouch and unlatch with my finger and reposition.
I haven't done any 'no milk' as yet but I stop the feed and offer again.
If you're only feeding at night I wouldn't let a tantrum go on that long for both your sakes. I don't think the biting is deliberate and I don't believe my baby is clever enough to manipulate me in this way (yet!) so I'm not doing any kind of consequences except the interruption. Perhaps this will come back and bite me on the ass, or the boob, but we'll see.

DD drew blood at 14 months and that was that for BFing.

Good luck!

I too was going to say it's down to teething.
My 14m old has bitten me a fair number of times now and it was definitely when he had teeth coming in.

But saying that I did say a firm NO and take him off. Try again. If he bit again that was it until next feeding time. It's bloody sore!

And don't do time outs for kids. It's just not productive. Times have changed.

All my babies did this to me. All four of them.
I remember saying NO very firmly and removing the breast for a few seconds
They all stopped doing it after a while.
I don't think you let a tantrum go on for long when it's bedtime.

Don't worry, I don't do time outs - it was more that someone said the advice (if you want to do time outs) is 1 min per year of life so I was wondering how long I should let the tantrum go on for before offering boob again - it felt like if I said no and offered straight afterwards there was no consequence to the action. But it seems like no tantrum at all is the best option.

Happy to report that last night was better (sort of).

She bit me, I said "no teeth or booby is gone", she bit me straight away, I sat up and said "no teeth, booby is gone, but we can switch sides". So she got a bit upset whilst I switched ends (15 seconds ish) and then didn't bite again.

I'm glad to hear that not letting her cry is the best option - it felt awful, I genuinely didn't know how to handle this and it's good to hear that my instincts were right. I'm hoping it ends soon.

To those mentioning teething, it's slightly possible - her top canines are coming through - but I do think it's more related to her feeling unsettled due to being in the middle of switching childminders (current childminder is going back to midwifery so it's not something we could control). She starts full time at the new childminder next week so I'm hoping that's going to help her settle down.

Thankfully no blood for me - sounds awful! Thanks for the good luck, my nipples need it 😂