Breastfeeding and other people's comments...

[karrliz]

Hey MN,

I have a 7 month old and am fortunate enough that I have been able to exclusively breastfeed throughout.

I love breastfeeding more than I'd imagined and so does my DD! It's such a lovely bond that we have and I don't have any intention to stop soon as it's all going well and I love it so so much.

I was wondering though if any other mummas constantly had relatives or friends making them feel weird about it?

For example, my MIL has been buying me formula milk and delivering it at the door saying I should be using it (I have nothing against formula, but I just love breastfeeding) and my FIL always quizzes me on when I'm going to stop and when I'm going to just use formula.

I have told them that it just works for us and I find it easier and that I will stop when it feels the right time. My husband supports me 100%, but they just make me feel so weird and judged that I still do it and don't have any plans on stopping soon!

I know they talk about it behind my back and I don't really care as she's my daughter and it's my body so screw other's opinions! More just a safe place to vent and to see if anyone else came up against this when breastfeeding?

“Why would I choose to deprive both of us of proven health benefits and shared enjoyment?”

and/or a well aimed jet in their eyes.

Both my MiL and DH would have preferred if I bottle fed so they could get in on the action and get the cuddles. 18 months on and DH is asking I continue so he doesn't have to get up at night but I'm done now and need to start sharing the nights so weaning is starting.

MiL just seemed puzzled more than anything else.

Wowww that's weird.

My MIL throws a blanket at me every time I bf my baby. I throw it back.

I have told a story about mil and bf before but a bit tmi....

For example, my MIL has been buying me formula milk and delivering it at the door saying I should be using it

That is fucking weird and I'd be telling her she needed to stop. If nothing else, the waste would annoy me.

I exclusively breastfed DD1 for just over two years, and DD2 is now 9 months and has been combi fed for a couple of months now. I've never had any comments about the exclusive breastfeeding or the combi feeding.

I bf dd for 3 years and DS for 2 years and nobody ever said anything negative to me.

If they had, I'd have said that bfing is best and healthiest for Dc and promotes a good bond, and left it at that. Unless they had argued with me...

I just remind people that the NHS recommends breastfeeding until atleast age 1 and the WHO recommends until age 2.

My family struggled as DC got older (around age 1) and would ask for milk using his signs. They made lots of jokes but I didn’t particularly care. DS still got a lot of benefits from it even when milk was no longer his main source of food.

Food banks don't take formula but you could offer it for free on FB or just take it with you to a baby group and see if anyone wants it or give to your health visitor.

You just have to ignore, it's her issue not yours. It's frustrating but if you can try and see it as her having some weird complex against bfing rather than her thinking you're doing something wrong it might help.

There's a nice book out recently called breastfeeding myths (Lucy Ruddle) which might be worth a read just for a chuckle and an added dose of confidence if she comes out with any? It's on my to read list as looks very interesting#

They sound weird, what's their reasoning given BF is much better for babies?

🤣🤣🤣🤣

It doesn't prevent unsupervised visits though, you can always provide a bottle of expressed milk or formula, or keep visits shorter than the feeding interval! At some point towards the end of the first year, even the day feeds become optional so they quite happily spend a day in someone else's company and come back and feed when they get back.

I wouldn't be doing overnights before about two and I wouldn't be dropping my DC off for the day before 9/10 months quite apart from feeding method! So it really makes no difference at all unless they were expecting sleepovers from 6 weeks old, which I know some people do but it wouldn't have been for me.

What is it with MIL's and BF? 😂

I'm EBF my 2 week old baby currently. My MIL asked me the other day when I'm going to start giving him the "normal milk"... I.e formula. Apparently my breast milk is... abnormal?! I just ignored it.

Because for most of our country formula feeding is the norm - breastfeeding is not!

I had some formula given to me too by SIL, someone who’s baby had an dairy allergy and they didn’t want it has given it to her, and obviously I was going to stop breastfeeding at 6 months?! Why would I pay for something I made plenty of myself, I enjoy, and has loads of health benefits until 2/3 years and beyond. Still going now and she’s 2 and I never used the formula, opened stuff went in that bin and ok stuff went to someone who was actually formula feeding.

so weird people assume 6 months is when you have to stop!

There was a whole generation of women who really weren’t encouraged by medical staff to breastfeed or to trust their bodies. A lot of women were told that their milk was no good and people didn’t understand the importance of skin to skin and putting baby to the breast.

In my family this is my grandparents generation, they were told to put their baby’s only cows milk or condensed milk within a few days or weeks of them being born. This was after births where the babies were often taken to a nursery in the hospital and didn’t have any skin to skin after birth, in two cases my grandma’s weren’t even allowed to be with their baby’s for 2 or 3 days after the births and they’d already been bottle fed in that time. Luckily things had changed a bit before they had more kids.

They have all been genuinely surprised that beastmilk was able to make my baby very chunky and sustain him as his only food before we started introducing solids at 6 months. They really didn’t know it was possible. They didn’t know anyone else who had done it (my mum breastfed until around 3 months).

Luckily they never expressed this is nasty comments they were very supportive but they did express their surprise a lot and talk about what had happened to them.

My mum was a slightly different story, she was convinced that I’d get more sleep if I switch to formula but on the whole she’s pretty supportive.

It just gets worse the older your child gets. I breastfeed an older toddler at night (toddlers can have very strong opinions on the topic of weaning). God forbid I tell anyone, literally no one has anything nice to say. I think my MIL thinks it's weird but luckily for me she's nice enough just not to ask about it. I'd give the formula away on a local FB free group, that stuffs expensive and is really needed by lots of people. I agree this might be a generational thing but it's still a passive aggressive move.

Where did you find such an old thread?

BF toddlers ignites a whole next level of comments and opinions. I BF my eldest until he was 2 and hid it for the last year (after having all sorts of negative comments in the first year). But my 17mo DT have a milk allergy so I can’t eat dairy so I can’t hide it… and jeeeeeze people don’t cover up their disgust at all.

Where did you find such an old thread?

^ I regularly Google my question and Mumsnet to see if there's relatively current discussions on the topic in my mind. Saves a whole new thread about the exact same issue. Opinions on bf is always trending too!