Tandem breastfeeding- any advice?

[Doughnut100]

Hi, I bought the Hilary Flower book everyone recommended but I didn’t really find it very helpful… vague and lengthy.

Hoping there are some mothers out there with experience who can give me a few pointers.

My daughter is 22 months old and I’m 37.5weeks with a son. Dd breastfeeds LOADS. Long feed on waking in the morning and from nap. Boob snacking all day.

She constantly swaps boobs and twiddles the other nipple (the twiddling is the only part that drives me up the wall, I explain to her that it hurts me and she gets it but still automatically reaches for it).

Has anyone else had a young boob addicted toddler as the older tandem feeder? The book seems to talk more about older toddlers who can understand more and feed less.

Any pointers about the boob swapping and twiddling when one boob is occupied? I’m not sure how she’ll react to the baby feeding for long periods but I know she won’t be happy to wait - how do I deal with that?

Any encouragement welcomed at this stage. I’m huge and exhausted and frankly terrified of having to look after two!

I haven't done Tandem feeding but I'd address the behaviours that are bothering you now, rather than when baby arrives.

Every time she reaches for your nipple guide her hand to something else, like your earlobe or a piece of BFing jewellery.

If she has a long feed on waking I'd be tempted to stop that and get DH to take her downstairs for breakfast instead.

Thanks good point! I’ve left it too late because I’m overwhelmed.

we are cutting out the morning feed and dh taking her straight for breakfast in the morning, let’s see how it goes. To be fair when we have made other changes she has adjusted well so every chance she can get used to that in a few days.

unfortunately with the twiddling I feel like I’ve tried everything and no tricks work!

I tandem fed ds1 and 2 with a 16month gap. Ds1 was still very boob focussed when ds2 was born.

I found it ok at first as long as I didn't feed them both at the same time - it just gave me the ick.

Ds1 was ok with the idea of ds2 feeding but also went back to feeding like a newborn overnight for a couple of months which was exhausting (and totally normal for tandem feeders). I made a point of not stopping ds1 feeding as soon as ds2 cried and would tell ds2 he had to wait (normally only for a minute or so) while ds1 finished feeding. Equally if ds2 was feeding (a lot more often) then ds1 would have to wait.

Make sure you have lots of easy snacks and drinks available for dc1 to distract them if needed while they wait. I did a lot of story time with ds1 while ds2 fed as I could hold a book while bf.

There are a couple of Facebook groups for tandem nursing which are worth joining. Be aware of the possibility of nursing aversion - no one really talks about it but it's not uncommon.
When ds2 was around 4month I got nursing aversion (only towards ds1) and it was awful. You can take vitamin supplements that make it less likely but they didn't work for me. I wanted to feed ds1 but as soon as he latched on I would feel utter revulsion - as if I could throw him across the room to get him off me. As soon as he unlatched I felt ok again and wanted to keep feeding him. I tried lots of recommended strategies but had to stop feeding him when he was about 2yr2months. It is the single worst feeling I've ever had and even now I feel a huge amount of guilt that I could feel that way about my child (even though it was only for minutes at a time).
I bf ds2 u til he was about 3 1/2 - I decided to wean him while pregnant with DS3 as I didn't want to feel that way again

Sorry it's not a totally positive experience. It was an amazing thing to do at first but didn't work for me long term. Fingers crossed for you x

Following as I’m nearly 16 weeks pregnant and hoping to tandem feed.

@User0ne What are the vitamin supplements which make nursing aversion less likely?

Slightly different situation for me as I had an almost 3 year old when DC3 was born.

I tandem fed both for a month. Like a previous poster has said, I too struggled with an aversion to my 3 year old. It was a strange feeling and I struggled to jump between feeding the baby and then swapping to what felt like a HUGE toddler!

I didn't want to make any changes at all when the baby was first born and just went with it for the first month. My 3 year old on her 3rd birthday decided herself to stop.. and she didn't look back.

I have realised by talking to a few other tandom feeders (and I only know two), everyone's experience is different.

But be kind to yourself. It will be lovely at times and likely hell at others! Just be prepared to go with it and see how it goes.

However it works out you have done an amazing job!

I very much remember feeling so worried how my DC2 would feel and was determined to keep feeding her. I'm not sure if it was the hormones or a natural instinct, but for me (and her) it came to a natural end quite quickly, with both her and me happy to do so with no jealously from her when I was feeding the baby.

Good luck!!

Also worth noting (as I had no idea).. Colostrum has a natural laxative affect which will effect your toddler.. so watch out for a few loose stools for a little while x

Are you in the nursing older babies and pregnant and tandem breast feeders Facebook groups? Both of mine are weaned now but when I was tandem feeding which I did for over a year I found those groups very helpful.

Good luck xx

I think it was a magnesium spray supplement though tbh I can't remember now. The tandem feeding fb group will know

Thanks so much for all your input, I only just realised I had replies. I’m a bit overwhelmed and stressed in general at the moment so don’t feel able to respond properly but it is really helpful to hear what you all have to say - more helpful than that whole book to be honest 😂. I was aware of nursing aversion and I don’t want to be pessimistic but I think I might well get it so I am preparing myself mentally. I’m going to buy some magnesium now! Thanks again x