Pointless bloody cluster feeding, am soooo unhappy (long)

[Sufi]

DS1 is 13 wks. He's cluster fed in the evening from the start and that was OK as I thought that a) he'd grow out of it and b) it meant he would sleep during the night. And he did, to begin with, sleeping 11pm-4am and sometimes 11pm-5am from about 6 wks. Except now he's STILL cluster feeding and not sleeping - things seem to be getting worse, not better. Tonight he fed at 5pm, 6pm, 7pm, 8pm and then 9.30pm (the latter for over an hour), and he's just woken me up at 1.20pm for a feed.

It can't be a growth spurt as this has been going on for 2 wks and I did get two nights of 11pm-4am before he went back to this stupid 2-3 hourly feeding.

He feeds every 1.5-3 hours during the day, so it's not like he's not getting enough milk. He also barely sleeps during the day - and I have tried everything to get him to sleep as I realise this can prevent good sleeping at night. There is never any time for me to sleep, during the day, getting an early night etc.

Its really getting me down. I can't function without sleep. DH is being utterly crap and unsupportive and I'm basically getting no break from the baby at all because of this stupid, pointless evening cluster feeding. I can't hand over the baby at the end of the day to DH because he's constantly on my boobs. It's been 13 bloody weeks and I've had enough. It's not like I have unrealistic expectations as I don't expect him to sleep 12 hours a night.

Feel like a sodding milking machine with no light at the end of the tunnel. Feel like breaking out the hungry baby formula and handing him to DH while I book a hotel for the night.

Sorry for the rant but I'm at my wits end. I really don't know what to do. I knew it would be hard but stupidly thought things would slowly improve. All my friends ff and don't have anywhere near these problems and at least they can hand baby over if they need a break.

Am I doing something wrong?

aaah i'm so of you power-expressers! i can get max 2oz by pumping, often much less, dd seems to practically INHALE that amount from a bottle in 2 secs flat, i think i'd need about 3 times that amount to substitute it for a feed.
will attempt pumping while feeding i think, a few people have mentioned it, but it sounds tricky!

caz, i think you've posted on this before?, so sorry if i'm repeating myself here but have you tried different pumps and also hand expressing? also you could take your 2oz and keep it in the fridge, then express another 2 oz later or even the next day, and build up a bottle's worth that way? pumping while feeding is not so bad if you've got an electric pump but somehow can't imagine doing it with a handheld one

how's it going sufi? as I remember it, the cluster feeding calms down around 3 months, altho they still feed more at night it is more manageable, so hang on in there. get your dh to bring you lots of cups of tea and chocolates and issue orders from the sofa about dinner/washing up/putting a good dvd on etc. whatever you do, don't go and sit in a darkened room trying to get your baby to go to sleep, if you end up doing that for 4 hours you'll go insane (ahem, that is voice of experience speaking there, been there . . .)

ohhhh me too morocco (the darkened room thing)...fast route to tears and tantrums (mine an hers!)
feel a bit stupid sitting up till midnight with a 9wk old...and when MIL thinks I should just "get a good feed into her and get her down"...
but it won't be forever...i hope!

re expressing...i am just not 100% confident of dd's latch, in fact not even 50% confident! she tends to nod off, need re-adjusted etc so don't know if i could juggle the electric pump, but am def going to try!

after all that we've had a really good coupla nights (for us) - 10,30pm-4am and then 11pm-4am last night, with less cluster feeding and fussing beforehand... I feel human again hurrah! i can't say for sure, but def think the recommendations to get him sleeping more in the day are helping in the evening

and yes, i tried the darkened room thing, an no, it didn't work for us either!!

thanks for asking how it was going - felt very alone last wk but feeling much happier now

Glad things seem brighter for you sufi.
I really did find that the day sleeping had a knock-on effect for the evenings. Was like if she didn't get enough sleep in the day she forgot how!

Just wanted to say thanksto everyone who contributed to this thread - sufi, i could have written it myself as am going through the same, and desperately needed some voices of experience to help lift the burden. also have read the "4 hrs in a darkened room" comments in nkick of time. had been trying and going nowhere except the fast train to frustrationsville. am going to give up any crazy bedtime routine bollocks as it isclearly pointless until tghe clusterfeedimg has passed. anyway, thanks again. a weight lifted.

lol - just realised this wasnt written last week but last year! any updates?

SausageRoleModel I'm sure it will still be relevant this time next year lol! We're experiencing something similar with a colicky 8 week old and I am a grumpy old whatnot this evg after a run of bad days and a pretty rough night last night.

Just to second not sitting for hours in a darkened room - led to anxiety attacks for me so now DS goes off to sleep downstairs with us somewhere around 9pm/9.30 and is then transferred to his cot. Plenty of time for establishing proper bedtime. Also second EBM - DH is feeding him as I speak. Am absolutely hating BF today but wouldn't stop, I'd feel guilty.

And this too shall pass.

poor you. it is normal, you need ways of coping, get dh to make some food, get some ready meals in and watch lots of telly.

my ds is a constant feeder still at 12 months, it has stressed me for ten months but now i just go with the flow.

its really hard isn't it?
but its not a long time in a childs life, or yours.

I'm also very pleased to have found this thread as I was trying to pluck up the courage to start one myself on this very subject. It's clearly still very relevant!
DD is 16 weeks and still cluster feeding in the evenings although her feeding pattern has settled down during the day.
I've been carrying her around in a sling in the evening since she was about 6 weeks old just to be able to move around and do stuff, which has worked very well for us. She naps and feeds and I can get on with things before we both go to bed sometime between 10 and 11. Sometimes she'll have a long-ish feed then, other times it's just a quick one, but she's been sleeping 3-4hrs at a time at night since she was tiny and this has now stretched to 5-6 hours which is fine. She usually wakes for a quick feed sometime between 4 and 5am and then sleeps again until 8am or so.
I have got quite down about the cluster feeding on a couple of occasions, especially when people tell me she's snacking or using me for comfort even though I know she's genuinely feeding.
What I'm trying to say is that reading through this thread has been a great help - thank you.
sausage and MrsHd hope things improve for you both soon.

Cluster feeding i can cope with
Cluster feeding on sore boobs/nips is a different matter altogether lol

suri i too have a ds 13 wks and he also cluster feeds all evening and sleeps from 9pm until 3.30 then feedsfor 10 mins and sleeps then til 7am.

but i have noticed my milk seems to getting less and hv has advised to ff him before bed. sadly he won't have a bottle or cup even if i express. what are the best cups to use from bfing

Tegan your HV is giving your very poor advice. How breasts 'feel' is no indication of how much milk is there, especially not after the first 12 weeks - last night I expressed from what felt like quite an empty breast. In 4 minutes I got 6 ounces, I kid you not! And if you do give formula every night before bed your breasts will produce less milk, because your baby will not be taking the milk to signal that it is needed IYSWIM? Your DS already seems to sleep well for a 13 week old so I'm not sure why the HV thought it necessary to do anything anyway.