I hate breastfeeding

[Usedtobechilled]

Think this is more of a rant than anything but I'm on the verge of giving up..
Started off difficult because of an emergency c section and then tongue tie so loads of pain.. persevered and somehow got through it (tie was cut early on) thought as time went on it would get easier... baby now latches/unlatches constantly - no reason why - sometimes he'll feed absolutely fine but half 1 this morning is when he wants to take the piss which is infuriating!
Also, he's not gaining weight like he should, dropping percentiles each week so now I have to pump after feeding to try and give him even more milk throughout the day when he already feeds every two hours. It shouldn't be this difficult! I don't see how this will get better when it feels like it's just getting worse. Anyone have any hope? If his weight hasn't improved by Tuesday (health visitor coming) it'll have to be combi feeding for him, not that I'm against it but I would have rather exclusively breast fed if possible 😔

Do what is right for you and don't look back or be made to feel guilty by others. I've had four, and breast fed less and less as more came along with no negative outcomes on them. It sounds like you have given it a good go too. I'm not sure how it is these days, but in my day health professionals were "told"to encourage continuing regardless - and wouldn't really deviate from this as the stock response, despite mastitis, bleeding nipples, exhausted, being an hour on and an hour off etc. hot sore boobs and leakage, and the associated pressure by others. I did 6 months with DS1, and I can honestly say that little of it was a pleasure. DD2 arrived a year after DS1, and I managed 2 weeks before she started losing weight, no wet nappies etc. I did a day with DD3 whilst in hospital, and didn't do any with DS4. They are all grown up now, and there was no difference in how ill or robust they were as children, or anything else that you could put down to breastfeeding - of course, I may be lucky. My main positive from NOT breastfeeding is that my OH (or my mum, and later on we had a nanny) could give DS4 a bottle while I was sorting DC1, 2 and 3, worth gold in my opinion, for my own sanity and because you knew "what they had got". Of course, this is mumsnet so there will be someone along fairly soon to say that I have deprived my children LOL !

Me too. Managed 6 weeks with first and 4 months second. Really struggled. Felt so guilty giving up at 6 weeks, I was so upset . Both are now teenagers and very healthy . Yes breastmilk is better but there are many other things that you can do to foster their health . Mine have always eaten really well , a wide range of foods, not too much crap, encouraged them to cook and be passionate about food. This healthy diet will have hopefully given them a healthy gut flora which is a massive plus for health . So please don't worry too much . Do your best but when breastfeeding makes your mental health suffer when you dread doing a feed, its time to bottle feed . We are so lucky that we have clean water and formula freely available to us. Many mums don't. Good luck x

Are you getting much when you pump? All 3 of mine had tongue tie, and I ended up exclusively expressing for all of them which is a pain. (And why I’m awake!).

with dd2 and dd3 they’d latch, feed… and then I could still express off 90ml or more of milk, they just weren’t getting it out! So then I expressed and topped up, it’s called triple feeding because latching is one feed. Expressing another then bottle feeding the third one… all for one feed! So i ended up just expressing and feeding, still a pain but I can express a bottle for others which saves my sanity and know baby still getting the good stuff.

how old is he? Are you getting any support from anyone?
btw my dd3 got so weak on day 4 I took her back to hospital, by the time we were seen I’d given her two bottles of expresses and she was perking up. You have to do what’s going to work for you and a fed healthy baby! But it can be really sad and disappointing when it doesn’t work out!

Have you seen an IBCLC - highest level of breastfeeding qualification, a lot of the NHS staff aren’t at this level so probably need to go private.
They say don’t quit on a bad day - I know I’d have been devastated to not breastfeed so feel for you!
combi feeding can be temporary, but you’d likely need support to move back to ebf, combi feeding works well for lots of people too so don’t think you’d have to give up breastfeeding completely if you did introduce formula.

You've done brilliantly. Now don't feel any guilt and do what works for you or you're in danger of not enjoying the first months due to stress. Now mine are bigger I wish I'd just relaxed and ignored the breast is best shouting. Couldn't tell you now which of mine teen ds friends were breast or bottle fed because it really doesn't matter. Good luck.

How old is your baby? I’d engage a dedicated lactation consultant before making any decisions if ebf is really what you want to do.

The bleakest times are always in the middle of the night when things aren’t going to plan. Breastfeeding can be very tough going for the first while so don’t lose heart and feed, feed, feed!

My first was prem, I didn’t get my milk in, so she went on the bottle…. By the time it eventually came in, she wouldn’t latch on so I expressed. BUT she had severe reflux, so would just throw it all up 😩. Stopped at 6 weeks (Having started at 2 weeks)!

My second, latched on beautifully, but I couldn’t keep up with him- Literally he was always hungry and I’d be left with deflated boobs and a screaming hungry baby - I’ve never seen a happier baby as he was when I gave him a bottle! He would take 16oz every 3 (ish) hours!!! I combi fed for 3 months then stopped because he still had 2 x 8oz bottles after emptying each side in one sitting!

My third, breast fed exclusively for 9 months and then just weaned herself off me literally overnight! (She’d have the odd bottle of expressed milk from Dad on occasion, but no more than maybe once a month).

First child - 6 ft in heels. TKD World Champion 🥋 worked as a professional mermaid at Uni 🧜‍♀️ & has just completed her degree 📜.

Second Child - 6 ft 3.5. Sporty ⚽️⛹🏻‍♂️⛷️& doing his A Levels and 🤞🏼 of to Uni in September.

Third Child - 5ft 4 at age 14 - Keen archer 🏹 & Yoga enthusiast 🧘🏻‍♀️ and doing her GCSE’s at age 14. (As did her elder brother & sister… All placed on an execrated programme).

Stop beating yourself up …

Do what is right for you - Happy Mummy = Happy Baby!

Please excuse the typos - It’s 4am (wish there was an edit button)!

I hated it too. Every time DD cried, I cried, because I knew I'd have to feed her.
DH, God bless him, took things into his own hands and came home with all the bottle paraphernalia and I was so relieved that someone had taken the decision out of my hands.

If you don't like breastfeeding, pack it in, pronto. The baby won't care. No one else will care. Its just the pressure society puts on you to be a perfect mother that's making you persevere with something you hate.

Your baby will still love you ❤️

Breastfeeding is hard but so worth it once you get past the tough few weeks. I love it

Baby is 6 weeks old and at the beginning we had to add in ready made formula because of the tongue tie/c section - I wasn't making enough milk to get him through the night so I dont know why I'm worried about adding it back in, I guess I feel like I've tried so hard to get back to EBF that I don't want to "ruin" it. Also having read how BFing can decrease the risk of certain diseases and sids I feel like it's almost my duty to give him all the chances in life regardless of my mental health.
I haven't seen a lactation specialist as such but I was referred to a BF consultant at the hospital who checked my latch and gave some advice.

I don't think it's talked about enough that for what seems like most people, BFing is not a walk in the park and I absolutely wasn't prepared for how difficult this would be.

I also just pumped 90ml after a feed so in guessing that's another sign he's not getting enough?

Congrats on your baby.

What you express is no indication of your supply. Even the best pump is no match for baby.

I'd really try to find a local breastfeeding support group and go and see someone in person. They can see you feed and give some information that might help.

I combi fed my eldest and it can save a breastfeeding journey, however it can be a faff as well.

You can also ring the NCT infant feeding helpline any time (it's open at weekends) and speak to a qualified breastfeeding counsellor.

I fed morning and evening and bottled the rest. I hated it and those 2 were the least hateful. I also went back to work at 13 weeks (like everyone in France) so they would have been the most practical to keep if I'd kept going that long.

Breasts don’t just fill up then get emptied completely by the baby. You continue making milk while your baby is nursing or while you’re pumping. So producing 90mL of expressed milk after he’s fed doesn’t mean much (especially at only 6weeks pp).
OP your mental health matters a lot. If ebf is overwhelming at the moment then changing something that will help you is a good thing.
If you choose to stop bf now that in no way negates the benefits your baby has received so far from the breastmilk you have given them up til now.
If you choose to combi feed now then it won’t negate the benefits of breastfeeding up til now AND it doesn’t negate the benefits of the breast milk you baby will continue to have.
Aiming to ebf is great. Yes, there are some benefits. But it is one part of looking after your baby. And it becomes a very very small part of raising a child to adulthood (and beyond).
You are a good mother because of all the things you do and will do for your child. Compromising on how you wanted to and imagined you would feed your baby will become one of many compromises you make as a parent. The ability to make those compromises and adapt what your doing as the needs of you and your family change is part of good parenting.

I’ve been there with ds1.
what you pump doesn’t indicate if your baby has had enough or that. Listen to your baby’s cues.
I hated pumping and whilst breast pumps are useful, especially if your baby is prem/you have to go back to work early etc, I think they’re horrible things that make depression more likely!!!
embrace combi feeding. It’s amazing! I eventually did with ds1 after 2 months of misery. Meant he got some breast milk, but also formula which isn’t like giving your baby chocolate milk despite his some people make you feel! It’s highly researched and tested stuff.
it means you can leave baby with DP or family and do something for yourself like go shopping/gym/beauty appt etc. honestly once I’d gone for combi feeding and ditched the pump I never went back and felt so much better.
happy mum happy baby

It's really hard work sometimes but wheay your baby is doing sounds normal. He is calling for your body to make more milk. That doesn't just happen. When they keep wanting to latch, have a bit of a suck and then stop is usually prior to a growth spurt. The sucking stimulates more milk production so if he has a day or two where he is fussing like this, about a day or two after you will suddenly find you are producing loads more milk and baby will guzzle it all up and then have a growth spurt. This happens regularly to keep pace with growth. Try to go with it, accept it will be short lived. Also try and add lots of skin to skin contact, resting for you you and plenty of food and water.

I promise once you are through the first few months breastfeed is so easy but no one really explains that it takes lot of your time at first.

I've never pumped, only EBF, but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't worry about how much your managing to pump. Your breasts work on supply and demand so what you're managing to pump isn't an indication that your baby isn't getting enough milk. Neither is frequency of feeding.

The only indication of whether or not your baby is getting enough milk is a) they are gaining weight and b) they have wet nappies.

If you're really feeling unhappy you should give yourself a break and consider switching to formula. You'll probably breathe a sigh of relief. Baby can only be happy if you're looking after yourself too and he'll thrive on formula.

@Usedtobechilled my DD is 9months and we are still EBF (plus weaning BLW) but I wanted to stop by to say the pump is nowhere near as efficient as baby at extracting milk. On the odd occasion I've pumped so DH had a stash of expressed milk I get 2-2.5oz (c.60ml) on a good day when I've been away from DD for hours (eg a KIT day) I could get 4oz.

If you aren't enjoying bf that's one thing but please don't use your pumping output as the basis of your decision. Are you still getting lots of wet nappies? Does baby settle on boob ? Cluster feed? These are all great signs your body and baby are working well together to give baby everything it needs.

Remember cluster feeds are natural - not a "sign" bf isn't working.

If you are worried maybe look into a lactation consultant. A few mums in my NCT group used one and they say she was worth her weight in gold.

It's not easy but try not to spiral. Whatever you decide is the best decision for you and baby.

OP this is literally me a couple of weeks ago. DS has tongue tie snipped at 7 weeks but still weight wasn’t progressing how it should and he dropped 2 percentiles! Turns out his tongue tie has reattached so we got it snipped again a couple of weeks ago but by then I was just gone with BF and the mental anguish it was giving me. Because of the tongue tie he’s not the best at taking a bottle but still made me feel better that I could track his intake. I hated pumping so much so that wasn’t an option for me

all I will say is you need to protect your mental health too. It’s horrible when you see them dropping percentiles and you just want to do everything you can to help them thrive

DS is my second, my first was a dream and I fed her exclusively for 6 months. Sometimes BF just doesn’t work out and that’s okay, you’ve tried your best!

Breastfeeding isn't compulsory, even if it feels like everyone/society is telling you it is. Your mental health matters too, and if breastfeeding is causing you this much anguish, is it worth it?

Formula is fine. You've given him 6 weeks of breastmilk, there's no reason at all not to combi feed to take the pressure off yourself. Or pump and bottle feed. Or just switch to formula. Breastmilk is not more important than your mental health.

How is your diet OP. Are you getting time to eat and drink? I always found feeding really tough on the days when I hadn't eaten much. Drinking water is really important and having energy too.
I think that your baby is young and still learning to feed as are you.
If BF is important to you then maybe try going along to a feeding group - you can find them on Facebook. Or maybe do combi feeding eg one bottle at bedtime and then maybe BF if baby wakes in the night. You will find your groove.

It’s frequently cited that even the breast pump isn’t a match for a baby. It’s not true. What you pump IS an indication of supply in the early weeks, and baby can be worse than a pump if you add in tongue tie issues/ weak suck as well as weight gain problems.

I have expressed and bf two babies and expressed exclusively for another. If you’re in the first few weeks what you pump is a good indicator of your supply.

What you pump IS an indication of supply

@Led92 I disagree but if you are correct 90ml may be all her baby needs hence that's what she pumps in a single feed. My DD only drinks 3oz expressed milk per feed but happily stays on the boob and went from 50th centile at birth to staying at 83rd centile consistently

I'm definitely getting enough rest, about 7 hours of sleep (broken of course😂) and eating 3 meals with snacks in between and about 3 1/2 to 4 litres of water a day not including any juice/tea. So I think my diet is OK.
Even this morning, breastfed at 8am for half an hour, both breasts, baby definitely feeding, audible swallowing. I pumped straight after and got about 70ml, wee man turning in and mouthing/crying so still hungry, gave him the expressed milk. Wee man still turning in, gave another 40ml, still turning in... Not sure how I cam keep up with that with purely breast milk.

I go to a breastfeeding group but I don't think it's been much help and I've joined a Facebook group but the answers to his poor weight gain is always, is his latch ok and I've been told by many his latch looks fine.

I think I've accepted that I'll have to combi feed with formula, I think the decision is almost out my hands if I can't satisfy him purely with what I'm making.