Breast feeding or bottle feeding??? How do you decide?

[LizSpain]

I know i'm probably worrying about this way too early but I like to at least mentally prepare myself for these things!

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and I'd like to at least try breat feeding. I know my friend tried it and was really uncomfortable so went to bottle but my biggest problem is my boyfriend.

He is completely against me breast feeding as I have a large chest & he thinks it will ruin them.

How do I get him to understand that I want to or is it best to stick to bottle feeding?

Regarding the breast thing - unfortunately it is pregnancy that laters the shape of your breasts, not breastfeeding. Your shape will change after having children but not necessarily be 'worse' - your bf should be aware it's unlikely your body will go back to how it was, though - can you ask him to stop pressurising you about this and explain you would like a bit of support that he will find you attractive even if you look different? Because he is being a bit of a twat IMO - nobody wants pressure about how their body is going to look after giving birth!

Why not read some information about the advantages and disadvantages of breast and bottle feeding. There are also local groups for people who are breastfeeding, or pregnant women who might like to try breastfeeding - you would find people there who could answer any questions and talk about their experiences, which could help you to make your own mind up. Ask your midwife if there is a Baby Cafe near you, or a similar group which is open to breastfeeding and pregnant women.

Best of luck whatever you decide!

Congratulations on the pg, Liz!

And great to hear that you want to try breastfeeding. You are being extremely sensible trying to finnd out about it at this stage and are giving yourself the best chance of succeeding.

I love breastfeeding and so does my little one. It can be a scrumptious experience.

Other people are "against breastfeeding" for many reasons. The reason they give may not be the whole picture, so by reassuring them on one concern you may find that another "reason" pops up...

Regarding your bf's concern, there are some recent studies which have shown that bf makes no difference to your breasts - so that's good news. Any changes that may or may not happen are down to the effects of pregnancy, (sadly!) and bf makes no difference either way.

Of course - they are your boobs, and it is definitely your choice too!

sorry - should read "pregnancy that ALTERS the shape" - not "laters"!

Breastfeeding - no sterilizing/washing/preparing bottles. It is always there - quicker to calm a screaming hungry baby.
It can be uncomfortable to start with, but as your supply begins to settle down it matches your baby's needs and it becomes much easier.

BTW

You HAVE suggested that you WANT to try breastfeeding. And you sound like a clued up lady! Prepare yourself for unhelpful and ill informed "advice" from people to just go with bottlefeeding instead. You'll be given lots of reasons, many will be because they want you to do something that they feel familiar with, or they perceive your making a different choice to them as some sort of criticism of their choices, which of course it isn't.

Knowledge will help you feel strong enough to make a choice that suits YOU regardless of what others might think.

And other people's experiences, whilst useful, are not the whole picture. Just because someone has experienced X, or believes Y, does not make it true for most people, and you need to be able to hear people's experiences and think "that may be your opinion / your choice / your conclusion. And I respect your right to hold that belief. But I feel differently"

Try making a list of benefits of both:

For you

for baby

For your partner.

Then sit down together and talk it through.

It's also worth remembering that there's no proof that men whose babies are ff bond better with them than involved daddies of breastfed babies.

You can find out about the benefits of breastfeeding for babies and for mummies here:

www.babyfriendly.org.uk/page.asp?page=20

Good luck!

The best thing you can possibly do is read as much as you can about breastfeeding. There is lots of information out there that you will not necessarily hear from friends, family or health professionals. The NCT book of breastfeeding I found useful. It explained about things like cluster feeding, growth spurts and so on.
Also, arm yourself before birth with the contact details of breastfeeding advisory services in your local area, Drop-in centres are great if you need advice on positioning or just about any concern you might have.
WRT your dp, it is massively helpful to have close support for feeding choices. If you look at Kellymom www.kellymom.com there is heaps of information about breastfeeding, including I think a mythbuster to do with the impact on breast shape and condition.

Liz, many congratulations on the baby. I loved bf'ing, did it for 10 months but then felt I'd had enough. Had a few months of bottles which are a PITA with all that sterilising and having to get up and down milarkey. I'd second the other advice though which is read all the literature and decide for yourself. I had a lot of pain to begin with because I hadn't got the latch right but if you seek out the right support you can overcome any problems you might have (which you also might not have btw)

And without wanting to start and argument so I'll whisper (it is your body does your boyfriend honestly think that is a valid reason?) fwiw, they may look a little different after stopping bf'ing because the fat disappears making way for milk but that does change and mine look pretty similar to waht they were before.

Liz, you are pregnant (congrats). Your body will never ever be quite the same anyway, BF or not. You are absolutely right to discuss this with your DP now. My DH had similar reservations but now is wholeheartedly in favour as it meant he got maximum sleep. I found 'What to expect when you are breast feeding' by claire Byam Cook absolutely invaluable - I'm not a 'fluffy' person and I found the NCT book not quite as practical as I would have liked (personal opinion before anyone jumps at me!!!)

lizspain, clearly you have lots of issues to think about/deal with in making this decision.
On a completely practical level one thing I would say that with regards to bottle feeding don't factor in the hassle of sterilizing and making up bottles as a negative....(or too much of a negative!). it really is quite straightforward. You can buy microwave sterilizer bottles that take just 90 secs, can buy throwaway pre-sterilized bottles, and can buy formula in ready made cartons....it really doesn't involve as much faffing about as it sounds.
I worried a lot about doing things according to guidelines (as they had just changed fairly recently) but it really wasn't as complicated as I thought it would be.

Congratulations on being pregnant!

Breastfeeding is perfectly normal, and while it may be hard work at first it is the best thing you can do for your baby. There's lots of support available, on MN and from organisations such as the NCT, La Leche League. Are you actually in Spain? I know LLL is international so would have groups there.

And sorry to say this, but your
boyfriend should shut the hell up. How dare he think that his ill informed opinions on bf and women's bodies should deny your baby the best possible start???? Your body, your boobs... your choice. Not his.

I want to say up-front that I am "pro" breastfeeding, and am trying my hardest to BF DD who is 7 weeks...and I don't want to put you off at all...but just have to say that "hard work" doesn't really cover it - everyone told me that, and I just thought well I can work hard, it'll be fine. It truly has been a bloody nightmare, and I know I am not alone in finding it so. BUT I would still say go for it, try it if you can, just be prepared for it POSSIBLY to be awful at first. Apparently it gets better if it is awful, and for some people it is easy from the start. But I don't think people are told often enough how hard it can be.

I chose to breastfeed as it is much harder to start forumla and then go to breastfeeding if you change your mind. Also we have a heap of allergies, excema, asthma in the family so wanted to do all I could to give my kids the best change I could to not get them.
Once established (first 6 weeks are hard) I found it very convenient in that I didnt have to pack anything with me or worry about sterilising etc. I also liked that fact that only I could feed them.
But the downsides were after a while that noone else could feed them, you can spend what feels like hours each day and night breastfeeding.
I would suggest trying bf to begin with as you can always swap if it doesnt suit.
Educate yourself as much as possible.
Sorry but your dp sounds like a twat.

I agree with CAZ. I had no idea it would be anything other than just sticking the baby on the breast. No prewarning of the pain and difficulty and crap support in hospital for bf.

Hey now I'm usually one of those who would defend a person's right to ff to the hilt, but your hubby saying don't bf cos u have a large chest...!!!! EEEEEK!!! [hmmm]
That is a crap reason for not doing it!

Tell your BF that BF is an investment in your baby's health for the rest of his life.

Yes, it's not always easy, yes it hurts at first. But it's well worth trying.
You are about to become parents, the sooner you and your BF get used to sacrifice the better!

Yes just to reiterate what Hercules and Caz have said - it is bloody hard work. The first few weeks you need to put everything aside and concentrate on looking after yourself and your baby (I'm currently bfing 4 week old ds, and it's been tough but I know people who have had it even toughter). However it is immensely rewarding as well.
Best thing is to get some GOOD advice, here on MN, and through fellow bfeeders. I go to a Bumps and Babes group for pg ladies and ladies with small babies, it was invaluable to talk to ladies who had recently given birth about their experiences and also how they were finding feeding - not all the ladies were bfing, some are exclusively ffing and one was mixed feeding.
And I also second the "your bf is a twat". Sorry I'm sure he does have his good qualities (after all you are with him!) but he is being very selfish, putting his needs before his child's. My Dh has NO complaints about the shape of my breasts and was rather delighted (I was less so) because my boobs have gone from a 38D to a 40F!!!
Have to say, bfing enables me to watch lots of crap telly and read!!

Yes, I've sat and read many a book and watched tv whilst bf and others have had to work around me.

I chose not to FF because BF is free, there's no sterilising and preparation involved, you don't have to plan how many bottles to take when going out and then lug them everywhere, you just sit down and feed baby wherever you are without having to warm bottles whilst baby is fretting.

In the middle of the night you just go feed baby and then slink back to bed.

It may take a bit of getting used to, and this is where all the support groups come in handy, USE them!

But once you and baby have got it sussed, you're laughing!

At least that was my experience and I BF both my babies till fully weaned. I just bought a basic, small, microwave steriliser for doing dummies and other stuff that needed to be sterilised.

I'd say to follow your heart and don't allow anyone to dissuade you.

WTF does your BF think breasts are for? Hey, maybe you should have a ceasarian because childbirth is going to ruin your vagina, for him. Better not let BF see you kissing your new-born either, after all your lips are only for kissing him. Start practising now at picking up babies and changing nappies with your teeth, as your hands are reserved for stroking BF's ego.

For me it was a no brainer. Breastfeeding was best for my babies health. I won't say it was easy as the first few weeks were tiring, worrying, and painful (this isn't the same for everyone though, and getting expert help can eliminate it so don't put up with it!). But then I've never formula fed so I have no idea what the first few weeks of formula feeding a newborn are like. I suspect that it's not plain sailing and easy though - newborns are tough regardless of how you feed them!

The other benefits for us are: it's free, breastmilk comes in nice packaging (I'm now a 36J and DH loves it!), it's convenient, it's safe, DH doesn't have to get up in the night as much, it makes me feel loved up (another benefit for DH ), it's a great way to calm DD.

For the baby, it's a no-brainer, breast is almost always best so it's definitely worth giving it a go. As others have said, if your breasts are going to be ruined, it will be down to pregnancy, not breastfeeding. Jordan never breastfed but her breasts sagged after having children despite the implants!
For the Mum, breastfeeding can help you lose your baby weight more quickly, helps your uterus to contract back down to normal size and protects against breast and cervical cancer.
For the Dad, my dh admitted this was selfish but he did appreciate never having to do a night feed!
I think your bf is being a bit of a berk, tbh. He needs to grow up.

i would choose breastfeeding for the health and development of my baby over keeping my breasts nice for my partner. he probably doesn't know much about the benefits of breastfeeding.

Its YOUR choice, NOT his.
Show him the health benefits to both you and baby. (The fact that BF is supposed to help get your figure back quicker should appeal!)
Explain that it means he won't need to do any feeds in the night because he won't beable to! More sleep for him! He sounds very self centred.
If you want to bf then do it.
I tried for 6 wks but found it difficult for several reasons and swapped to formula feeding.
Pros and cons from both sides.
Health benefits for bf are obvious.
FF means that feeding can be shared- a complete bonus when you are almost hallucinating through exhaustion having fed 1-2 hourly every day and night for 6 wks.
Although bottles have to be warmed babies tend to drink them faster than when bfing.
Don't have to pack bottles to go out if bf, however, you need to be prepared to feed in public or express, which takes time and planning.

I could go on but it can only be your choice.

It helps to have the right support, so I say try to find mutual friends who have bf their baby and get the man to speak to him about bf.