BF ramble. Struggling.

[Martha200]

My younger son is 11 days old and omg am really struggling at night now with feeds

Last night after sitting there for a good couple of hours and feeling he fed and winded well in that time he still screamed the place down (as often he does at night) and DH took to moving the moses basket into the Nursery, the idea being to help me sleep (I am so tired recently, that I dare not co sleep, though the other night did my neck in a bit having fallen alseep sitting up and bf in bed.)Felt really bad about dh moving him into another room but I have had a headache for nearly 24hrs and guess he was trying to make sure I got some rest.

My nipples go through sore stages (which probably is my fault with positioning, but my right one really is in a state and wondered about whether using a nipple shield might help.. though am cautious about this as it was the shield and jaundice that really put an end to my bf attempts with ds1.

Then I think about other options, is it my fault he is not content after more than an hours feed at night? Should I consider a dummy as he then cries when put down after a feed most of the time at night. I guess formula is not the way to go?

I am expressing one bottle a day. I tried giving the bottle at night time but he was hungry an hour later (unlike the day time where he is settled into a 3/4 hr pattern.)

I don't know how long I can last for, though not giving up yet, but a friend came over recently and said she couldn't understand how people found bf hard as she had had no problems when she had bf some years ago.. made me feel even worse

Am looking fwd to going to a bf support group but can't do tomorrow as got MW and HV visiting during the day!

You are doing great Martha. Well done. Feeding baby in bed sounds very wise - as long as they don't get too hot or covered by pillows etc all should be fine - and it's so much better for them to have a rested mummy!

\Well done you

For nursing tops, I never bought any, just have t shirty type things and lift them up, which is much more discrete in most circs. If you need extra coverage have a muslin handy

hth

Well am on a downer right now at 1:41am.
I sat down at 10.30pm and he fed really well until 1am (coming off occassionly for a winding session) but stayed wide awake and when I thought yes he has conked out, moved him to his basket (at 1am) and off starts the screaching. Really feel I MUST be doing something wrong (checked positioning so believe he is swallowing the good stuff ok) but bloody hell, how long can we keep this up, so had a good old bawl.

Not ready to give in yet, bathed my sore nipples in breast milk earlier in the hope that continues to help.. but right now feel so cr@p. Glad to read this is all normal type behaviour though.

can i suggest taking him to bed with you? I know that you are still suffering with sore nips and my find it difficult to feed lying down because it is a learnt technique but early days, when I was bawling at 4 am on the stairs with dd bawling in bed, it was a solution. your baby will probably sleep better with a warm body next to him and you can also sleep.

I fed her sitting up in bed, then by degrees, layed down flatter with her still attached then ever so slowly, detached her. IN time, I learnt to bf lying down and began to cosleep full time as she was velcro baby.

i know that early days many mums are very worried about overlaying their babies so I am off to find you a couple links on bf lying down and safe co sleeping.

laying down

kellymom

cosleeping

bedsharing video

mckenna

OK - sorry folks - going against the general feeling here - I BF my DS1 for 4 weeks - she cried a lot - thought she had colic - then a very nice realistic health Visitor (with 3 of her own) said she's not gaining weight, she's dehydrated, you're miserable , think about formula - there's no shame ..... We never looked back ! I do think BF is best - it's hygienic, convenient, bonding, nutricious etc but it is not right for everyone - you have to do what is right for your baby , but also yourself and the whole family - I was getting really quite depressed about it - dreading the feeds, feeling inadequate, resenting the baby - it wasn't worth it - BF is probably best - but a lot of the studies that say IQ improved etc, reduced gastric problems, are fraught with interpretation difficulties...........
I have 2 other children both of whom I BF for a few weeks then mixed fed then wholy bottle fed - I even admit to hiding the Aptamil can and the bottles when the Hv made visit ! Listen to your baby - and do what you think is right - and enjoy !

I agree..I know my nipples just weren't right.. I tried so hard with no support..nipple shields help - you should go on as long as you can but I cried with pain everytime the baby latched on.. awful..however I have read a padaetrician who says the baby must go straight to the mothers breast - regardless of any other problems and I believe that. none of mine did and really struggled

hedonia and dropscone, had either of you had earlier intervention with the problems you were incurring before it became an emotional as well as possibly a physical crisis, I think that you would have different story to share with the OP.

by earlier intervention, I mean by someone who knows enough about breastfeeding to recognise that you have a fixable problem and know where to advise you to get the right support. Unfortuneately finding one of these people among primary health care workers, from consultant paeds right down to the lowly HV, are surprisingly few and far between.

i don't want to come across as a smug know it all, however if you were to type in the key words 'hv' and 'bollocks' in search on MN, you will get an idea of what I mean, particularly where breast and bottlefeeding is concenern.

Mommafeelgood - 'your DS is lucky to have mum who cares enough to persevere' ! That' s right I just didn't care enough ........... bad mummy...........

dropscone, that is a cheap shot you have taken on Mommafeelgood but i am sure she is magnanimous enough to see it for what it is.

Update:
Fab nights sleep last night, though DS didn't make into his moses basket at all!

I had been doing a feed from my left side for a few nights now lying down but not wanting to kick my DH out from the bed felt really uneasy (both of us) doing a right sided feed with DS in the middle of us.

Anyway, we managed to keep DS awake from 9pm to 12am and then gave a good feed in bed. He awoke 3.5 hrs later, decided to swap sides with him still in bed, had another good feed and 4 hrs later he awoke ready ready for breakfast

Still feel not so sure about doing the right side feed which makes DS in the middle of me and DH or do lots of you kick your OH out of bed??

Dropscone - I have taken your comment on board and I appreciate all comments meant with good intent. With my first I BF (with top of formula in our low points) for 2 weeks, but he was losing weight and had already spent 10 days in hospital (special care) due to very severe jaundice and I battled and battled the bottle feeding idea until I realised the situation I was in (similar to what you describe) Once the decision had been made life improved for us all and I was able to realise how we had been screwed from the start in regards to BF.

The witching hrs are the worst completely
Yesterday DH phoned the NCT line and it was nice to hear again, DS sounds perfectly normal (though we were recommended not to express any milk)

will keep you update..

it is completely normal to go through an adjustment period where you don't know if you can have your baby between you and dh. several things worked for me depending on the day/night.

yes, you could ask him to sleep somewhere else if it has been a particularly tiring day for either of you or you could go into another bed with ds (which is what i did). As my confidence grew that I knew what was going on and when I knew I wouldn't just fall asleep with her between us when I was still very nervous abouat where dd was sleeping, I would feed her from the side at the middle of the bed and then move her over to the edge once she was finished. Or started her feed on the 'middle' side and moved her to the far side for afters.

It has been shown in sleep labs where babies are with both parents in bed that the fathers aslo develop a sense of where the baby is too and react accordingly in his sleep. I don't think it is as instinctive as for women but it has been shown that the men learn too!

Sorry Momma - I think you touched a nerve

Thanks for the views on the co sleeping.

Have had two nights now where I have been able to feed during the night and popped ds BACK into his moses basket without him kicking off when I move him from feed in bed to basket He has a cold poor so and so, not even 3 weeks so felt it best to get him into the basket as when he has been feeding his breathing/feeding has not been so easy but now I have a dreadful sore R boob, which makes me wince before as we latch on.. not just the nipple as he feeds but a deeper kind of soreness in the breast that lasted some time last night after he had fed. I had expressed from that side, but wanting to keep the stimulation going have managed some day feeding. Got my comunity MW out today to take a look at my sectiona scar too as feeling very sore there too.. must be because not on the painkillers.

Anyway, feel things are somewhat improving

I had wondered if it might be thrush but isn't there meant to be white flecks in babies mouth too or they find it hard to feed as well? I did have thrush in pregnancy so wouldn't surprise me! I am doing my best to feed from it (mainly during the day as night is so bloody painful!)

Wish I could buy you all a coffee for your responses

Talk about a roller coaster ride this Bfeeding.. wish I'd been better prepared on how horrid I feel and crappy rather than being under the illusion of it all being wonderful and perfect (though hanging in for my next Up feeling)

Turned out it was possible mastitis or so the MW thought so am on antibs which is helping that and my section scar, but night times I dread now with a passion,feel like a dreadful mummy
Last night I took me and the baby as a last attempt and slept on the floor to feed for an hour plus, because I am too paranoid to co sleep when feeding on my right side as this then puts baby in the middle of me and DH and DH moves around a lot, and if I go for feeding in sitting position tend to fall asleep anyway and don't think this is safe either.

Days are more manageable but nights, am wondering whether to use a dummy after 2hrs cycle of feeding/winding/feeding/trying to move him to own baskewt without him waking, but not going for this option yet as I feel this really restricts his intake. Keep telling myself I have plenty of milk so why then after a long feeding session last night did he then drink 3 oz milk formula with no problem.. yeah I was desperate for the knock out sleepy effect it gave him

sorry for the ramble.. should try calling the bf line and will definitely make it to a bf support group when I can drive again.