i want to hear that i am not a selfish mom for stopping BF- warning use of word crap alot in this post

[vis]

i have put on 2 stone since birth 6 mths ago have had little sleep ,and of course dh cant help thru the night with feeds.

Has been a battle getting the bottle going and starting work in 2 weeks. Just feel so tierd and fed up.

will have to feed on demand on my non work days- just dont know how i will exercise etc etc blah blah feeling crap, eating crap. crap crap.

oh yes and expressing with a double pump to get milk supply in- is knackering, so added crapiola.

my dh answer- do the bottle with formula and regain your life.......but oh the guilt.......i have done well to get to 6mth stage i know ....has anyone been thru this?

vis, you will feel guilty what ever age you stop. I felt guilty stopping much later than this. But you move on and life takes over and you soon feel guilty about a hundred other things. Bf is a stage that passes.

You've done great to get to the 6 months age, if you don't want to stop completely you could mix feed?

Just try to think of the situation without the guilt for a moment (hard I know) what would you suggest to someone in your position??

Is it just guilt that makes you feel this way or are there any other reasons for being a bit iffy about stopping?

If you thin stopping is the right thing for you and your family then do it, ahve you started weaning yet? A lot of babies cut down their milk intake during weaning anyway.

Am going through similar - ds2 is 5 months and feeding day and night and my solution is to eat crap and feel crap too!

hercules is right, you would feel guilty whatever you do so please try and give yourself a break. You're doing a really tough job AND going back to work soon all on little or no sleep.

Would you consider just doing a bf in the evening and bottles in the day?

well VS i am wanting to do BLW - which we have started...but since little getting into his mouth at the moment i cant imagin his milk demand going down for many months......

Vis, you don't need anyones permission to stop. You know there is nothing wrong with being selfish as a parent. I'm selfish all the time and that's okay.

jelly rolly- that makes a good desciption of my belly !

yes i have considered mix feeding ...and i suppose if i was really strict with myself he woudl get used to bottle by day, booby at night ( or early morning) BUT...i have been warned about 'reverse cycle' thing when they then choose to feed thru the night since they will be getting the boob...we find it still a bit of a battle for him to take the bottle so wary he will figure the night time option! but worth a go...

...funny thing is that everyone in my nct class is still BF and planning to do so for a very long time...i think i would feel funny sitting next to them with formula...silly me!

Hopefully you will feel a bit more yourself when you go back to work, more personal space, time to eat properly, have a cup of tea etc. Are you feeling overwhelmed about going back to work? I have two months yet and I know I am. Is LOk feeding much through the night?

getting onto the couch ..i find it hard to be selfish normally- even with strangers etc ( yes a pleaser by nature ) so when you suddenly have this little thing so dependant on you well I just come last....not good since the way i am going i am going to drop down from a heart attack if i dont stop blocking up my heart!

Bumper...well last night was the best ever- he had a 'dream feed' at 10 30 pm then next fed at 630am! first time ever, although he still did wake up twice and need a cuddle back to bed.

Well that's great that he was satisfied with only a cuddle, and not needing a feed.

Don't worry about the NCTers, really don't. You are going back to work, you will have enough to contend with.

I guess what you really need to do is weigh up your options, make a decision (for yourself - you are the one doing htis after all, and it's not like you aren't considering DS at all) and then hopefully people on here can help you figured out a way forward. I think people are wary of giving advice when you are undecided as we don't want to swing you either way or make you feel under pressure.

Just know that you will get support whatever you decide, and what ever path you chose you can do it! Be kind to yourself.

The feeding though the night thing is difficult as no-one can predict how your LO will behave, but if you do cut down, it's not an irreversible decision. Just do what feels right, don't worry about your friends, or anyone else. Give yourself a break

Can you express much btw? Any chance of getting DH to catch up on those night feeds he's missed and give you a break with some EBM. DH often does this for me (it's in his best interest - I am vile with lack of sleep!)

Hmm, well tbh, formula is easier for bottle feeding, esp at this stage when they're drinking well over a pint a day. You may well feel like a dairy cow if you have to express that much.

Only regret I have about giving up bf at 5.5 mths is that I farking HATE washing the sodding bottles every night. So clearly I'm just a lazy cow.

You've done brilliantly and quite frankly, I think women who express on going back to work are saints. Or mad.

If you're not the sainted type, then your DH is probably right.

Well done for doing such a good job.

BTW - DD started sleeping through after going on bottles. Not because of the formula, but because I could see from what she was taking, that the little minx was just waking up for a comfort, not a proper feed and it gave me the courage to stop going to her. After one night of her spending about 5 minutes whimpering, we haven't heard a peep at night since. (OK, slight exaggeration - she does wake up with teething and colds. )

vis, you say if you were 'really strict with yourself' then you would mix feed a certain way, what do you think would happen if you weren't strict with yourself? Would it be more or less breast feeds?

FWIW, If you wanted to mix feed your milk is probably pretty well established to be able to swap and change which feeds were formula and which were breast so it wouldnt be that you had to stick to a certain routine, that way baby wouldnt necessarily expect breast at night.

If you are feeling guilty about the formula aspect of it I'd suggest you have a look at all the different types of formula (I think at 6 months they can have follow-on milk) and decide which one is best for you, you'll probably have to research a lot though because the information isnt easy to get a hold of.

I apologise if it seems I'm encouraging you not to stop bfing if that's what you want to do, but I'm just trying to help with options here.

I think someone also mentioned the fact that as baby has been exclusively breastfed up until weaning age there isnt anything to 'undo' as such, baby's gut is no longer sterile(right wording??) because he is eating food so the formula being introduced can be seen as another part of his diet rather than you quitting, try not to beat yourself up about it too much.

I can totally relate to your post. I felt an enormous sense of both guilt and relief when I stopped BF my dd (at 7 months). I'd just had enough and she was and still is, absolutely fine with follow-on milk. Do what is right for you and don't look back!

vis - congratulations on your beautiful baby enjoy all your wonderful moments that lie ahead like baby 1st step,toddling, babbling, giggling, dancing in puddles

enjoy all these wonderful moments

don't get too hung up about feeding - don't beat yourself up

I think it's unfortunate that moms are made to feel bad for choosing not to breastfeed for whatever reason. You need to be happy...your baby will be happier with a happy mommy... do whatever you need to do and don't feel guilty. I look at so many people in my life..some breastfed, some formula fed, and they all seem to be the same. Nobody was scared for life from one or the other. My husband, in fact was formula fed and he's pretty smart, handsome and wonderful!

If I was you I'd find a way of stopping the night feeds FIRST. Give it a couple of weeks then see if you feel differently.

At six months you can probably get your baby to go without a feed at night - though you might have a few nights of crying (I did this with my first at 8 months - didn't leave her to cry for long - picked her up, cuddled her until she'd stopped then put her back down - knackering for 3 nights, on the third night she slept through - just offered water on other nights).

Once you drop the night feeds you'll probably feel like a new woman! With a bit more 'breathing space' you might not then feel the need to stop bf altogether.

And I'd think the last thing you'd want is to have to bottlefeed at night - even if you can share some of them. Wouldn't it be better for both of you to be able to sleep through?

thanks all, going to do mix feeding and express at work when i can to keep supply up so i can keep options open.

i agree sabire - if i get some sleep the world maybe a better place!

i also stopped at 6 months but i did a lot of research that showed that babies benefited from 6 months exclusive BF and in the end i decided i was happy with what id achieved, rather than what i hadnt achieved. like you though i felt really guilty but as long as you continue the weaning with the healthy food then that is what is important now. look ahead and focus on your babies nutricious diet from now, all those lovely foods you can give him, and the guilt does pass, promise.

agree completely about the sleep thing, the world seems a much nicer place after a good nights kip
i don't know about other people's experiences but i always found the 6 month plus part to be the reward for having bf til 6 months, it suddenly seemed to get much easier, I started thinking about losing weight, felt happier, feeds were less etc. I don't know if that was a hormonal thing but it has happened all 3 times with me. I never lost weight til 6 months but then it droppped off (funnily enough, it coincided with stopping eating cakes and biscuits, shurely pure coincidence )
good luck with it all

I totally relate to your post and have had to make some pretty difficult decisions myself recently. I decided it was best for me and my family if I stopped breastfeeding. LO is just over 6 months and happily chomping away on whatever I put in front of him.
I do feel incredibly guilty and sad but have realised that the sadness is purely selfish on my part. It was the little bit of me that loved looking down at him feeding and the closeness that we shared in that process. BUT, I made the decision for all of us and he seems happier because he was starting to get really fussy around the breast, especially in the day. Just way too much going on to want to look at boring old mummys chest!

Thats just my experience but I hope that you are happy with what you decide.